free2be

Inthinsforme,

2 days is a long time. Please do not be so hard on yourself.
I believed for such a long time that the person I fell in love with had to be in there somewhere. Sometimes I was able to find him, he would stay around for awhile then he would go away again. Over the years he came around less and less. I have not seen or tried to find him for a long time now.

(((((HUGS))))) to you. Hang in there. We need to believe it gets better.

MsGolightly

it's weird, i almost feel like i'm letting her down by not sticking with her through this, which i know i shouldn't be feeling at all!

i feel guilty knowing she's self-destructing and that i can't do anything about it... whereas i once thought i could. i know she's in pain and unhappy with herself and her life right now, and i just don't want her to feel like she's not loved.

all we do is fight right now, so some time and space is what's needed for both of us... for me to move on from her and for her to possibly realize that she needs to get her act together before everyone in her life disappears.

thanks for listening, guys. i feel like i have a whole new set of friends!

chero

Hey In, You do have a whole set of friends...the best kind, too-the ones who understand what you are going through! Can't put a price on that!
Praying for you! Cheryl

Nuudawn

Hey there InThis....
You shouldn't feel guilty. You cannot condemn yourself for her choices. Like it or not, she has the right to choose to self destruct. She really and truly has that right. I am a recovering alcoholic with barely 3 months sober. Nobody..and I mean nobody other than myself could've got me to stop my downward spiral. Ya know what sobered me up? The loss of love...again. It took someone leaving me...again....someone withholding their love ...again. It took feeling completely alone in my pain and anguish. That's what it took. It took feeling a wound I didn't think I could endure again...I reached out to God...my last resort...and then I reached out to AA.

This is her journey. You have your own to sort through.

I am in no way diminishing your pain or feeling of hopelessness...been there, done that...hanging by my fingernails to not do it again.

The most loving thing you can do is allowing her her own mind and consequences. She is not a child (yep, probably acting like one)...but you are not her dad.

MsGolightly

thanks nuudawn, i love hearing things from recovering alcoholics.. it truly does help me understand more. she had over a year of sobriety under her belt and starting hanging out with a whole new crowd who drinks heavily, and i know that is her choice to have people like that in her life... and i still remember things she said to me when she became sober - about what it feels like, how it's her choice, she's doing it for her, etc. - and it's just sad to watch her mind change about that and who she is and who she wants to be.

i know i have to let her go. i'm hoping it'll stick this time, and i hope she'll realize one day what she's lost in me...

Nuudawn

I'm so sorry that she lost a good year of sobriety..wow. From what I understand, her misery and alcoholism will find it's way back tenfold.

I know what you are saying. I have those same thoughts about my still drinking/using ex whose life continues to spiral downward like a bat out of hell. I too wonder if someday he'll wonder about what he lost...but that's my ego I guess. I pray for his healing but that's all I can do.

This is a turning point...for me...and for you. You have no idea the blessings and joy, happiness and love that is out there waiting for you. Seasons change and new horizons and beginnings await. Letting go is a process... one I'm still in myself.

This is a brand new beginning new friend....

MsGolightly

well nuudawn, i have a feeling they will miss us down the road... i think they'll miss all of us. we're all kind, compassionate, and loving people - they might never know someone who truly loves them as much as we do/did.

i'm sorry about your ex as well, but i'm so happy for you that you have 3 months! that's a huge step, in and of itself. we'll all be in this together