GlassPrisoner

I left the house almost 4 years ago. I see now that my drinking had a negative influence on her and her emotions.

She ran off with the next door neighbor to Oregon, and left me with the kids (The kids part is a good thing, BTW).

Today, I got one of "those" phone calls (collect, of course). She's near tears, and I can tell she want's something. Her voice is quivering, I know how she gets (hysterical).

All I could do is say the Kids will call you back, bye. But part of me still feels sorry for her. I want to fix it.

They say most alkies are codies too.

I just had to vent I guess. I'm not gonna drink over it. Still, it tugs at my heart. All of you here prolly have experience with this kind of thing.

*calls sponsor*

Astro

My ex is marrying the guy she had an affair with next month. They live close by with the kids. Yep, part of me still wants to fix her, but the last time I tried that I ended up with an assault charge from him and a restraining order from her.

Focus on those kids, GP. My two are rays of sunshine in my sobriety, constant companions at AA meetings, and I know they're proud of the father I've become.

lilac

Just wanted you to know I am thinking about you. (((Hugs)))

Cynay

It has been my experience that yes, most alcholics I know are codie....

But you know what, it does not matter what you "feel" they are just feelings and will pass, what matters is your actions and not letting that sit in your head for very long hon.

This is what she "choose" to do, there is nothing for you to fix imho.

Zoey

Thanks GP and Astro. I know you have hearts, just nice to hear it.
Wonderful to hear from recovering A's.

Been wondering if you both have posted your stories under "Recovery Stories" yet?

prodigal

Glass, I am so glad you posted this. My AH never struck me as more than an A until a few months before I left. Then I saw mega-codie behaviors. Hey, I'm a codie, but this went beyond my illness.

You are definitely recovering from "codie-ism." For you to recognize that you wanted to fix it but didn't, speaks volumes of your recovery. You did NOT act on your initial feelings.

Nuudawn

Hey Glass,
As I think you know...I too am alcoholic and it wasn't until I hit AA and found this site that I realized I have codependent issues as well. If you read one of my recent posts, you'll know my ex was recently arrested and sitting in jail. Part of me wanted to run down there...say goodbye cuz I'm leaving here today...and tell him to get his sorry self to rehab. Pfffft...like I have any influence or anything I could ever say would resonate with him. Nope. It's hard to see someone in pain and not be able to do anything cuz they refuse to help themselves. This sober "growing up" crap..is hard...lol.

It's so hard to fathom that love can be a substance also abused by another.

Astro

Someday Zoey, someday. I have a hard enough time telling my story at AA meetings!

embraced2000

glass....just as i was always pulling my strings a little tighter, feeling good about life, and feeling serenity in my life.....bada bing!!!!.....my x would make some sort of entrance in my life via phone calls, visits, etc...of which, usually would end in him getting arrested. and my heart would be in a shambles again.

it was miserable for me because i still felt so much love for him. and kept hoping he would "get it".....and i never lost that hope.

i understand how unsettleing these phone calls can be....how it can dredge up all the old feelings, the remnants of hope and love, the loss and mourning....

all my prayers go up for you today to be able to sort through it all......powerful, strong, ferverant prayers to our hp to hold you gently, (and kick arse, if need be) and to give you guidance, strength, wisdom, peace, and serenity.

here i go again....giving my list to god. see, codieism never dies.....it just fades away for awhile, and blossoms out again in the right soil.

hope2bhappy

Great kids AND sobriety? Wow! You're a DOUBLE winner!

Keep up the great work. Your posts really help me.

laurie6781

Boy is that the truth!!!! I was 3 years sober when my AA sponsor STRONGLY SUGGESTED that I attend Alanon also. roflmao Boy did she know me.

Yes, I understand the feelings of want "to fix" someone. I married for the second time after I got sober. I married another "sober alcoholic." However, he changed addictions and become a full time gambler. sheeesh. After our divorce he would still call once in a while, usually with some story to try to borrow money, lol All the manipulations of alcoholism and addiction were readily present.

Yep, call your sponsor. Sponsors can be so wise. I would call both my AA sponsor and my Alanon sponsor. Of course, I was a little dense, and it took me a few years to figure out that they were in cahoots, lol. So I would hear basically the same thing from both of them. A reminder of the 3 C'. Feelings pass. Stay in the Now. Get to a meeting. and on and on and on, lmao.

Glad you posted this, looks like you have a pretty good grip on yourself. Keep up the good work and enjoy those kids!!!!

Love and hugs,

denny57

In all that time has she gotten herself into a program or therapy? Not only addicts do geographics. I'm sorry you're going through it, but it sounds like you and your kids are enjoying sobriety.

((()))

GlassPrisoner

Thanks everyone.

Got myself to a meeting and prayed. The feelings passed relatively quickly. I didn't obssess.

Denny, no, shes insists she doesn't have any problems, and still insists my drinking was due to lack of will power. I pray that she also finds recovery, I know she's miserable.

Astro

I think that so often about my ex, and then remember that the only person who got me into recovery was myself. Maybe someday she'll want what I have, but I sorta doubt it.

denny57

Glass, once I acknowledged that AH's drinking was not the cause of my problems, but his, I was free to work on myself. It isn't easy living with alcoholism, but it can be easy to blame it for everything. I pray she finds her own recovery, too.

((()))

DesertEyes

Hey there Glass,

That's good that it tugs at your heart. Shows that you _have_ a heart. It's also good that your head has enough program to know that enabling her causes her more harm than good. Me thinks you're showing excellent balance in your recovery, both your head _and_ your heart are working just fine. Guess your Kids have a pretty loving HP, He saw to it that _you_ get to be the one to raise 'em.

I am praying for her today, and every day, and for you and your Kids.

Mike