Lobo

Do people really recover when they make up their minds that they have had enough? What does it really take? Sometimes I think my daughter is there and then I get scared again. What are the signs of a person who really wants to change? What should I look for. I know I can't follow her around and babysit her. How can I relax and not question her so much?

best

Actions over time are your only clue.

mcdo1268

A complete personality change will happen...no words. If she is not going to meetings or doesn't have a sponsor and work the steps, she will not make it. Based on self knowledge, I can't drink anymore...It screws my life up...is not enough. Certainly not enough for me. I am a recovered alcoholic, not my doing...I was willing.

LizzyP

Hi, Lobo, and welcome to SR! Al-Anon and Nar-Anon can be great sources of help for relaxing and learning how not to question her so much. In Al-Anon I learned how to hold my tongue, how not to ask so many questions, and also to, as we say, "mind my own business".

When you get anxious and "just have to ask her", Al-Anon/Nar-Anon can provide people that you can talk to first, instead of going straight to your daughter, so that you can talk things through and reason things through with someone else first. Talking things through with someone else who has been where you are at, helps us lose the power of fear that can so control and dominate our thoughts and our lives.

(((hugs and prayers)))

CodeMaster

I can understand your anxiety, I was like that when I was foolishly trying to "save" my significant other myself making sure she didnt drink and etc... Like others already said, its all action!

Whats in the heart and mind cannot help but show and bloom out on the outside!

Loves to you, and remember everything tends to be alright in the end.

Lobo

Thanks to all for your replys. I think you are right, it is all action. I guess if she is serious I'll see the changes in her. I just always feel like I am living on the edge. I guess it will take a long time to get comfortable again.


Thanks again............blessings to all

parentrecovers

recovery takes a lot of time and a ton of patience. it's hard and rewarding work. do you go to alanon or naranon? alanon really helps me dealing with my daughter's and my own early recovery (120 clean and sober days and still a lot to do...)

blessings, k

laurie6781

I can only share what it was like for me:

The first 2 years into my recovery were mainly WORK, AA, AA Sponsor, AA Meetings, and the Meetings after the meetings (going for coffee with AA friends after a meeting).

I stayed totally submerged in AA to learn how to Live the 12 steps sober. I got lots of feedback from my AA sponsor and AA friends. They could share with me if what I was feeling (hell just to feel at all was something new) was suppose to be happening or not.

In June I will have 26 years sober.

So, yes it does work, if those of us addicted work and live the 12 steps. Yes, it is extremely HARD WORK for the one recovering, and yes, early in recovery it really does not leave much time for personal relationships.

Is there hope? There is always hope. However, it still all falls back on the shoulders of the one addicted. They have to WANT recovery, and be willing to work for it.

J M H O

Love and hugs,