Quick Intro
Generically Unavailable
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: I-285
Posts: 7
Quick Intro
-Type A perfectionist dealing with girlfriend's drinking problem. Issue arose approximately a year ago and obviously getting worse
-Been together for almost 4 years
-She has spent thousands of dollars in the course of a year on booze and X. I'm a student so money is tight
-Will attend al-anon meeting this week
-My grades suffered last semester b/c of her issues
-I feel like there is no choice but to walk away
Hope to learn from all of you.
-Been together for almost 4 years
-She has spent thousands of dollars in the course of a year on booze and X. I'm a student so money is tight
-Will attend al-anon meeting this week
-My grades suffered last semester b/c of her issues
-I feel like there is no choice but to walk away
Hope to learn from all of you.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
Welcome to Sober Recovery, so glad you found this site.
As daylight gets here in each area you will get more reply's. Glad you will go to Al-anon, our programs are great, helps in every area of life.
Try reading the sticky's at the top where you started your thread, check out classic reading for list of books we have all read.
We are not to give advise or say leave or stay, that has to come from your gut or heart. I will comment that it will probably get worse, so if you can walk away it would save you lots of anger, hurts, hate, and resentments.
This is an extremely difficult disease, Please read everything you can find and keep coming back here. Again Welcome!
Others will be along to share.
As daylight gets here in each area you will get more reply's. Glad you will go to Al-anon, our programs are great, helps in every area of life.
Try reading the sticky's at the top where you started your thread, check out classic reading for list of books we have all read.
We are not to give advise or say leave or stay, that has to come from your gut or heart. I will comment that it will probably get worse, so if you can walk away it would save you lots of anger, hurts, hate, and resentments.
This is an extremely difficult disease, Please read everything you can find and keep coming back here. Again Welcome!
Others will be along to share.
up and out
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 185
-Will attend al-anon meeting this week
Do it. Its the best think you can do for yourself or for her.
-My grades suffered last semester b/c of her issues
In Al-Anon you will learn that your grades suffered b/c of your choices, not hers as you have no control over her actions, only yours. Chances are school came second to her needs/problem.
-I feel like there is no choice but to walk away
You actually have 2 choices: 1) walk away now 2) stay and suffer
You'll learn about (and you may already know) detatchment and other coping mechanisms but ultimately Cake, if she is an alcoholic/addict it will only get worse unless she chooses to quit. There is absolutely nothing you can do to help her or make her quit. Rescuing, making excuses, denying the severity of her problem, etc are all forms of enabling and you may not do these but sometimes they can sneak in quietly. It seems that you already have a good idea of what's going on with her. Examine (honestly) what's going on with you. You'll find some good stuff here and I send you lots of good thoughts.
Do it. Its the best think you can do for yourself or for her.
-My grades suffered last semester b/c of her issues
In Al-Anon you will learn that your grades suffered b/c of your choices, not hers as you have no control over her actions, only yours. Chances are school came second to her needs/problem.
-I feel like there is no choice but to walk away
You actually have 2 choices: 1) walk away now 2) stay and suffer
You'll learn about (and you may already know) detatchment and other coping mechanisms but ultimately Cake, if she is an alcoholic/addict it will only get worse unless she chooses to quit. There is absolutely nothing you can do to help her or make her quit. Rescuing, making excuses, denying the severity of her problem, etc are all forms of enabling and you may not do these but sometimes they can sneak in quietly. It seems that you already have a good idea of what's going on with her. Examine (honestly) what's going on with you. You'll find some good stuff here and I send you lots of good thoughts.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
welcome! please keep posting and let us know how your alanon meeting goes. i know when my daughter was active in her drinking, i had problems balancing my life as well. alanon really helps.
blessings, k
blessings, k
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Welcome, ILC!
Great idea to go to the Al-Anon meeting.
A third choice is to do nothing right now. You can learn to not get involved in her "issues." Learning about and understanding alcohol addiction helped me make informed choices.
Keep posting - and good luck!
Great idea to go to the Al-Anon meeting.
A third choice is to do nothing right now. You can learn to not get involved in her "issues." Learning about and understanding alcohol addiction helped me make informed choices.
Keep posting - and good luck!
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
Hello and welcome.
You mention you're a student ... undergrad or grad? Just trying to get a grip on your age.
I actually have a few complicated things to say. One, when I was an undergrad I had a drinking problem and sometimes treated my boyfriend badly. I quit a few years after we broke up. Nothing he could have said or done would have changed the situaton. It was a self-destructive phase that I had to go through until I had had enough. I literally woke up one morning hung over, ashamed over something I'd done which was actually small compared to other crap I'd pulled, and decided never to drink again. And I never have since that day years ago. It was all me, though. I want to reiterate that no one on earth could have changed the way that happened. It had to happen as it did.
That said, you may be dealing with an alcoholic. It can be hard to tell. All you have to do is read through some of my old posts to hear more than you ever wanted to about living with and loving an alcoholic. To sum it all up, if I again met a man who I found out or suspected was an alcoholic I would drop him like a dead rat and never look back. This in spite of the fact that my exAH was not abusive or anything. Just living with a person who is passed out half the time is horrible enough.
Hope that helps. I love your list-style post. You're not studying poetry or history, I think - it's math, science, business, something like that. Am I right?
You mention you're a student ... undergrad or grad? Just trying to get a grip on your age.
I actually have a few complicated things to say. One, when I was an undergrad I had a drinking problem and sometimes treated my boyfriend badly. I quit a few years after we broke up. Nothing he could have said or done would have changed the situaton. It was a self-destructive phase that I had to go through until I had had enough. I literally woke up one morning hung over, ashamed over something I'd done which was actually small compared to other crap I'd pulled, and decided never to drink again. And I never have since that day years ago. It was all me, though. I want to reiterate that no one on earth could have changed the way that happened. It had to happen as it did.
That said, you may be dealing with an alcoholic. It can be hard to tell. All you have to do is read through some of my old posts to hear more than you ever wanted to about living with and loving an alcoholic. To sum it all up, if I again met a man who I found out or suspected was an alcoholic I would drop him like a dead rat and never look back. This in spite of the fact that my exAH was not abusive or anything. Just living with a person who is passed out half the time is horrible enough.
Hope that helps. I love your list-style post. You're not studying poetry or history, I think - it's math, science, business, something like that. Am I right?
Generically Unavailable
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: I-285
Posts: 7
I’d like to thank everyone for the warm welcome. It’s nice to be accepted with open arms.
I must admit that coming here was difficult for me since it means admitting there is problem I can’t immediately solve. At this point, no one is aware of the issues I am currently facing so I have detached myself from everyone.
I did ask my GF to move out yesterday b/c she didn’t show up at an open AA meeting. She had promised to be there, but as usual she never showed. I’ve reached my breaking point.
You're correct. I'm a pharmacy school student.
I must admit that coming here was difficult for me since it means admitting there is problem I can’t immediately solve. At this point, no one is aware of the issues I am currently facing so I have detached myself from everyone.
I did ask my GF to move out yesterday b/c she didn’t show up at an open AA meeting. She had promised to be there, but as usual she never showed. I’ve reached my breaking point.
Originally Posted by WantsOut 
You mention you're a student ... undergrad or grad? Just trying to get a grip on your age.
Hope that helps. I love your list-style post. You're not studying poetry or history, I think - it's math, science, business, something like that. Am I right?
Hope that helps. I love your list-style post. You're not studying poetry or history, I think - it's math, science, business, something like that. Am I right?
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
Hello Cake,
It seems “She Love Booze”, and I’ve been there. Kudos to you for kicking her butt out. Your grades are the main thing that should keep you up studying for, not the sound of her hacking up.
It’s a hard thing to do my friend. Be prepared that once she is gone she will tug on your heart for help with cash, don’t give in. Stay strong and let this be the hardest lesson in school.
Alanon will help you. When you want to call her, call an Alanon member. When you want to see her, go to a meeting. When you feel week gain your strength from our past dealings.
You made a wise choice.
It seems “She Love Booze”, and I’ve been there. Kudos to you for kicking her butt out. Your grades are the main thing that should keep you up studying for, not the sound of her hacking up.
It’s a hard thing to do my friend. Be prepared that once she is gone she will tug on your heart for help with cash, don’t give in. Stay strong and let this be the hardest lesson in school.
Alanon will help you. When you want to call her, call an Alanon member. When you want to see her, go to a meeting. When you feel week gain your strength from our past dealings.
You made a wise choice.
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
Pharmacy is a wonderful career. You have a bright future ahead of you. Focus on your work and when you graduate you'll be in a postion to find a great partner who isn't so troubled.
And I do feel for your ex-girlfriend. Hopefully this will help her help herself. It's not easy to be on either side of this.
And I do feel for your ex-girlfriend. Hopefully this will help her help herself. It's not easy to be on either side of this.
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