missglidda

Hello, and Happy New Year to all. I am new to this site, and have read some posts, and I feel like this is the best place for me to be. I have been in a relationship with an alcoholic for the past four years, and we have a 2 year old son together. I have been through countless attempts of sobriety with him to no avail. He has tried to commit suicide in front of me, drinks so much that he loses his job(this has happened several times), drinks so much that he pisses in the bed, verbally abuses me, has gone to jail for the night for domestic disturbance, and uses me for all it is worth. However, when he is sober, he is hard working, loyal, sweet, and everything I want. In the past few months I bought a house. I have it in my name because I do not know where the future will lead him. I have tried to be patient and ignore him during his drunken stupers, but I am not a quiet person. I nag and nag at him and can't seem to stop. I have kicked him out and taken him back because of his seemingly genuine desire to get and stay sober. But, now I feel that I am at my wits end. My son is so sweet, and loves his father, but he has no idea what destruction he causes. Can I simply move his stuff out and change the locks? Should I get a restraining order based on the events that I have mentioned previously? What is the best course of action for me? He has no where else to go, and I know that if I put him out he will spend his time harrassing me. I also don't have any other family to turn to and have no idea how to repair my home. I am just scared, but I know that if I keep him in my home he will destroy it as well and my life and most importantly our son's. Any advice would be appreciated. I love him dearly, but his destruction is tearing me apart. Thank you.

DesertEyes

Hello there missglidda, and welcome to SoberRecovery.

My first suggestion is to look up the local office of al-anon in the phone book. Give them a call and ask them where there's a meeting convenient to you. At that meeting you will find a lot of people exactly like all the folks on this forum. Kind and compassionate people who have recently overcome the challenges your are facing. Not only will they listen to what you need to say, they will share with you how they went about solving their own problems.

You will likely find at that meet somebody like me, who will gladly teach you how to repair your own home so you don't need a man in the house for that sort of thing. It's one of the ways I give back to al-anon here in Vegas, and you will find people in your town who are just as willing to lend a hand and help you become as independent as you want to be.

You may also want to read the "sticky" posts at the top of the forum, there's lots of great information there.

Welcome again.

Mike

mallowcup

Well, how about an agreement that he go into a long term detox and rehab? or leave. If he won't agree to either, have him removed, somehow I sense that he would agree. There's no sense in having him leave if he comes back again. What you want to do is stop the swinging door. Something has to be done differently. He needs to go somewhere long enough to develop a lifestyle change. You aren't married but you still need to say what you mean and mean what you say. This can start with a conversation. It would also be very unfair to send him away but call him back when the roof leaks. This does not have to end. I beleive in recovery.

FormerDoormat

Welcome Glidda:

What becomes of your soon-to-be ex alcoholic boyfriend is not your concern. Your first concern should be you and your son's happiness and safety. Glad to see you taking the bull by the horn and taking steps to achieve that goal. The best course of action, after finding an Alanon group in your area, is to contact your local sheriff's office, explain the situation, and ask them what steps you need to take to legally remove him from your home.

Good on you for having the foresight to buy the house in your name only (I did the same thing). It will make things easier for you. In my state, I was told to send my boyfriend a certified letter (return receipt requested) stating that he had 30 days to vacate the premises. I had the letter delivered to him at work so he wouldn't take his anger out on me. The return receipt is delivered in your mailbox, so watch for it; you'll need it later. Once you have that in hand and the 30-day period goes by, if your boyfriend still hasn't vacated the premises, contact the sheriff's office, give them a copy of the vacate notice, your return receipt, and they will forcibly remove him from your home.

I did let my boyfriend know, via the certified letter, what steps would be taken if he failed to vacate the premises within the 30-day period so he wouldn't be taken by surprise when the sheriff arrived to evict him. But that never came to fruition. He quietly complied with the terms of my letter and left within the 30-day period.

You don't want to evict him illegally only to find him taking you to court later on. You want to be free and clear of him. Hope this helps and welcome to the forum.

Zoey

Welcome to SR, I am so glad you found this site, we don't have answers, but at least you are not alone, while you find your answers.

My suggestion would be to look in the yellow pages for attorneys, usually they will answer a few questins free of charge, or have one short visit free. I would look for a female attorney, just me, but Ithink they listen better and understand more.

Read the stickys at the top. check the classic reading for names of good books.

Check Salvation Army and see if they have a shelter. You could suggest he go there.
More will be along with suggestions, keep us posted.


PS, I am so slow that 3 answers came in while I was trying to get mine done. So if sounds funny ya know why.