talking to no one
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: cincinnati,ohio
Posts: 35
talking to no one
Does anyone else ever feel like their talking to no one,or they might as well be talking o theirselves?I'm sure you know what I mean.
Tonight I needed to talk to my husband about something important,and once again, he wasn't (mentally) available to me.Once I know he's been drinking I don't want to get into conversations (especially important ones)with him.He talks stupid and never seems to grasp what I'm saying.It drives me NUTS,so I'd just rather not talk to him.
There are some decisions and issues that we have to discuss(such as things that concern my grandaughter,the one I have custody of).Don't get me wrong,he's crazy about her and he treats her good.Its just that sometimes I feel like I'm in this alone when it comes to school and her activities or any legal issues we may have with her mother.
It's just so amazing to me how a persons thinking process can go downhill so fast after a couple of drinks(and he ussually doesn't stop at a couple!).
He told me the other night that he's getting tired of it and he feels he'll be able to quit soon.(Ive heard that before).Well thanks for letting me carry on,it lifts the burden to talk about it Peace andGod Bless-Karen:
Tonight I needed to talk to my husband about something important,and once again, he wasn't (mentally) available to me.Once I know he's been drinking I don't want to get into conversations (especially important ones)with him.He talks stupid and never seems to grasp what I'm saying.It drives me NUTS,so I'd just rather not talk to him.
There are some decisions and issues that we have to discuss(such as things that concern my grandaughter,the one I have custody of).Don't get me wrong,he's crazy about her and he treats her good.Its just that sometimes I feel like I'm in this alone when it comes to school and her activities or any legal issues we may have with her mother.
It's just so amazing to me how a persons thinking process can go downhill so fast after a couple of drinks(and he ussually doesn't stop at a couple!).
He told me the other night that he's getting tired of it and he feels he'll be able to quit soon.(Ive heard that before).Well thanks for letting me carry on,it lifts the burden to talk about it Peace andGod Bless-Karen:
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Karen
Talking to someone who has been drinking IS talking to no one. They just are not available. Sad, but true.
So we learn to make decisions alone, to get strong enough to run our own lives and pray that someday they will choose to join us.
Sending big hugs and to let you know that we are here to listen anytime you want to talk.
Talking to someone who has been drinking IS talking to no one. They just are not available. Sad, but true.
So we learn to make decisions alone, to get strong enough to run our own lives and pray that someday they will choose to join us.
Sending big hugs and to let you know that we are here to listen anytime you want to talk.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The Basement
Posts: 724
Hi Phab,
You're singing my song.....I know just what you mean but my husband has a tendency not to listen to me when he's sober. In fact in regard to that issue it's one in the same.
His son, my step son lives with us. He's having a problem concerning homework at school, he does it but never turns it in. We're getting notes home, etc. I usually handle all school stuff too (I finally excepted that the male gene just doesn't travel there) and I need my husband to talk to my step son about all the inconsistancies I'm finding with regard to his work. His head doesn' lift up from the paper and he just nods me to death. He does care and at times gets in there and tries to get him on the right track but It's not on my timeline and he's not diligent about it like I can be. His mother is pretty clueless but means well, and I too handle all the communication back and forth only because she'll call and my h won't call her back. For the sake of my stepson I feel the communication is important.
I handle things with my kids a lot different. I'm on top of everythig they do, I'm involved in the school, etc. The problem here is I expect everyone to handle his school the way I do. It's just not how it is. I have to sit back and respect how they bring up their son. He has a higher power too. I had to learn that I wasn't so important. Before I came along everyone was surviving. I had it in my head that I was the only thing keeping this kid afloat. Unfortunately I had a lot of resentments that came a long with it, against him and my husband. It sent me straight to therapy for a yr.
Anyway, I rambled....I just wanted you to know you weren't alone there. Actually I think the not listening thing is pretty much a universal problem between men and woman. You can always talk to us. We listen
You're singing my song.....I know just what you mean but my husband has a tendency not to listen to me when he's sober. In fact in regard to that issue it's one in the same.
His son, my step son lives with us. He's having a problem concerning homework at school, he does it but never turns it in. We're getting notes home, etc. I usually handle all school stuff too (I finally excepted that the male gene just doesn't travel there) and I need my husband to talk to my step son about all the inconsistancies I'm finding with regard to his work. His head doesn' lift up from the paper and he just nods me to death. He does care and at times gets in there and tries to get him on the right track but It's not on my timeline and he's not diligent about it like I can be. His mother is pretty clueless but means well, and I too handle all the communication back and forth only because she'll call and my h won't call her back. For the sake of my stepson I feel the communication is important.
I handle things with my kids a lot different. I'm on top of everythig they do, I'm involved in the school, etc. The problem here is I expect everyone to handle his school the way I do. It's just not how it is. I have to sit back and respect how they bring up their son. He has a higher power too. I had to learn that I wasn't so important. Before I came along everyone was surviving. I had it in my head that I was the only thing keeping this kid afloat. Unfortunately I had a lot of resentments that came a long with it, against him and my husband. It sent me straight to therapy for a yr.
Anyway, I rambled....I just wanted you to know you weren't alone there. Actually I think the not listening thing is pretty much a universal problem between men and woman. You can always talk to us. We listen
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Karen,
When my husband was still using, he was, well, absolutely useless! He usually wasn't around when he was high, and when he wasn't high he was feeling guilty all the time, so I couldn't talk to him then either. I was left to make decisions about everything all by myself and after a while, I just stopped trying to include him. I had to, b/c I just couldn't depend on him.
Do what you have to do to protect yourself and your granddaughter, and seek advice and support elsewhere. It's just another way we learn to protect ourselves.
Hugs,
JG
When my husband was still using, he was, well, absolutely useless! He usually wasn't around when he was high, and when he wasn't high he was feeling guilty all the time, so I couldn't talk to him then either. I was left to make decisions about everything all by myself and after a while, I just stopped trying to include him. I had to, b/c I just couldn't depend on him.
Do what you have to do to protect yourself and your granddaughter, and seek advice and support elsewhere. It's just another way we learn to protect ourselves.
Hugs,
JG
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 444
((((Phab))))
Boy, do I know where you are coming from! The other night, I was trying to talk to my husband about something, and he was rambling, so I couldn't understand what the actual situation was, and he said "Are we having a communication problem here?" and I replied, "Well, one of us is!" And he just looked at me like he really in his muddled brain did understand what I said for just a second.
But, he acts this way so much during the day too, like a carry-over from the night before. Very frustrating. My daughter made a comment once, that I just loved. Alcohol destroys braincells, and you don't get to pick which braincells it destroys!
Loved your picture, Searching, LOL. I need one of those!
Lyn
But, he acts this way so much during the day too, like a carry-over from the night before. Very frustrating. My daughter made a comment once, that I just loved. Alcohol destroys braincells, and you don't get to pick which braincells it destroys!
Loved your picture, Searching, LOL. I need one of those!
Lyn
Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 211
Karen,
YES!! I know exactly where you are coming from!
My husband gets soooo stupid when he drinks. But even worse, he tends to focus on specific words that I say and he turns the entire conversation around. To the point that I can't even remember what I was trying to convey to him. It drives me crazy!! My mother, on the other hand, also gets stupid but then she shuts down just doesn't talk about anything.
My husand actually drank before we closed on our house. I felt as if I was the 'grown up'. I had to show him where to sign (many papers) and try to explain what was going on. It was embarassing. Luckily we were buying the house from his family (it was quite an awakening for them!).
Some nights I have found myself sitting in my bedroom talking to myself. At least I am listening! Now I come here and know that some of you are listening.
Thanks!!
NoDoubt
YES!! I know exactly where you are coming from!
My husband gets soooo stupid when he drinks. But even worse, he tends to focus on specific words that I say and he turns the entire conversation around. To the point that I can't even remember what I was trying to convey to him. It drives me crazy!! My mother, on the other hand, also gets stupid but then she shuts down just doesn't talk about anything.
My husand actually drank before we closed on our house. I felt as if I was the 'grown up'. I had to show him where to sign (many papers) and try to explain what was going on. It was embarassing. Luckily we were buying the house from his family (it was quite an awakening for them!).
Some nights I have found myself sitting in my bedroom talking to myself. At least I am listening! Now I come here and know that some of you are listening.
Thanks!!
NoDoubt
Paused
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: ohio
Posts: 322
Phab
just the other night my sponser made a comment:
"when they are sick and tiered of being sick and tiered
thats when they seem to realy begin to work the program"
so, i guess it says to me they just have to get to that point
and i have to try and keep hands off until that happens, not
trying to make things better(or worse) let go and let my higher
power work with them .
hey, searching how perfect !! i neeed the off button for the
snoring, big issue in our house !! LMAO !!! thanks
hugs to you karen
just the other night my sponser made a comment:
"when they are sick and tiered of being sick and tiered
thats when they seem to realy begin to work the program"
so, i guess it says to me they just have to get to that point
and i have to try and keep hands off until that happens, not
trying to make things better(or worse) let go and let my higher
power work with them .
hey, searching how perfect !! i neeed the off button for the
snoring, big issue in our house !! LMAO !!! thanks
hugs to you karen
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: cincinnati,ohio
Posts: 35
talking to no one-thanks everyone!
Thanks everyone,I had a feeling some of you would know what I was saying.Searching-LOVE the he-mote control,I'm sure you could make a million $ if you could sell those.
I guess what I catch myself doing is thinking back to the early days when my husband and I seemed to communicate so much better.But I know there's no going back-got to look ahead and try to live for today!I'm really glad I came here tonight cause I was really in the dumps before I read all your posts.
I can't remember which one of you said it,but I agree that men don't seem to be wired for certain things involving children.
I also liked the daughters comments on brain cells(God love her)!
Its great to have someone to understand,and I thank you All. Peace and God Bless
I guess what I catch myself doing is thinking back to the early days when my husband and I seemed to communicate so much better.But I know there's no going back-got to look ahead and try to live for today!I'm really glad I came here tonight cause I was really in the dumps before I read all your posts.
I can't remember which one of you said it,but I agree that men don't seem to be wired for certain things involving children.
I also liked the daughters comments on brain cells(God love her)!
Its great to have someone to understand,and I thank you All. Peace and God Bless
Member
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Sask.
Posts: 64
I was just about to post something on communication and saw this post. It's exactly what I needed to see this morning. I feel like I am talking to no one as well and feel like I can't talk to him at all. It's such a waste of time. I think I'll go shopping today.
Summer
Summer
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