Debbie

Okay, I have been getting back into to reading my Al-Anon literature and my books and posting these daily reading to keep me focused. I guess I felt I was getting a little to content.

The hubby isn't actively using but I would also say he isn't really in recovery. He hasn't been to meetings in quite a while and I guess I just worry (that the co-dependant in me) about the nice weather coming (its lawnmowing weather almost, don't cha know?? )

Anyway, I am not really sure why but I guess I just need to get myself back on track in case anything should happen.

I was just wondering how many people actually go to face to face meetings? I went to a few. They always seemed to make me feel better but I guess I am just not a very "social" person. Talking in front of others and crying (which I always seemed to have done) isn't a strong point for me. I never even liked doing oral reports in school. I guess my main question is, do you think a person is capable of getting to the "place" where they need to be without these meetings.

Thanks for letting me ramble on.

Hugs.
Love,
Debbie

Ann

Great question, Barbiedeb.

To answer your question, yes I do believe people can get to the place they need to be without meetings. I have seen living examples of that right here on these boards. I have seen great recovery from people who go to meetings, and equally great from some who don't. I am only speaking of Anon meetings, I think I feel differently about AA and NA meetings for the active user trying to work a program.

Having said that, I must say that going to meetings was exactly what I needed. I needed the human contact of people who understood what I was going through, and I needed a sponsor to help me work the 12-steps, which saved my life. I still attend meetings, although "sporadically" would best describe it, and I still meet with my sponsor at least once a month for a one-on- one discussion (and usually dinner which makes it more fun).

I don't believe that there is any one "best way", it is an individual process and choice, but I do know that those who attend meetings are less confused about working the program and the steps.

NoDoubt

I try to go. BUt, my schedule makes it difficult. I find that when things get tough then I make a point to go. But when things seem to be going well I don't.

Sometimes the meetings help and other times I get a little frustrated. There are people who attend that seem to come just to complain about their everyday lives (no mention of problems with alcohol or alcoholics in their lives). One lady actually said that she was grateful for the alcoholic in her life so she was permitted to attend the meetings. I'm still kinda new at this meeting stuff but that kinda urked me. Many of us are there with our hearts climbing out of our throats... and there she was just grateful to be able to have someone to complain to .... about breaking her fingernail (or something to that effect).

Fortunately, the majority of people I have encountered at Alanon are not like that. Most are either in a similar situation to myself or they have already been there and are enjoying their lives based on the decisions they made with the help and support from Alanon.

NoDoubt

Debbie

Thanks for your replies

I honestly don't know where all my confusion is coming from. I guess things are going a little "too" well for me. I am so used to the "bad" stuff, I just don't know how to sit back and enjoy the "good" and did I mention its almost lawnmowing season???

Anyway, thanks. I am going to keep an eye on the poll since I really am curious to see what the majority is doing. And I am going to continue with my reading. Some day I am going to understand the steps better. I think I work them the best I know how with the understanding that I have.

So please vote and don't hesitate to respond if you don't like my choices. I could only think of yes, no and sometimes.........

Hugs,
Debbie

Ann

HIDE THE LAWNMOWER!!!!

journeygal

I think that there are many ways to find recovery, for anons and for A's. AA/NA and Al-anon/Nar-anon are wonderful programs, but they aren't the only programs for getting and keeping someone in recovery.

My husband doesn't go to meetings. He shares with me when things are bothering him, he opens up to me about his recovery, he's dealt with a lot of issues he buried over the years while using, and he completely changed his lifestyle to support staying clean, including cutting ties with his drug friends, not allowing himself to associate any good feelings with using, admitting that when it came to using, he lost and the drugs won, and maintaining a strong relationship with his HP. Is this enough to keep him clean for the long run? I don't know. But hey, one day at a time, right?

I've only been to a few meetings. I find that when I'm really losing it or facing a crisis, it's exactly what I need to straighten me out. But I also come here many times throughout the day, so I consider these boards a vital part of my recovery. If I didn't have this, I may need to go to meetings more.

I think as long as someone is aware of the issues in their lives that need addressing and are actively working those issues, then they will continue progressing to the place they need to be.

Hugs,
JG

Stephanie

This is a great question Margo. I may have a bit of a different perspective but it is only my opinion. As we have seen a number of times on this board, there's some pretty strong denial when it comes to what we're willing to put up with, myself included. It's hard because we have an A that is constantely blaming us. It would be only natural to second guess ourselves. I think having a network of others in recovery is an invaluable way to check yourself and have people who care help. We are so lucky to have that here. What you did by starting this thread is what 12 step programs are all about, we help eachother.

I don't go to face to face Alanon meetings but I do go to face to face AA meetings and probably always will. For me with my recovery from drugs and alcohol, meetings center me...they can be very spiritual. However I have been to a number of Alanon meetings and they are OK but I feel like I get what I need from these boards. My life has totally changed due to Alanon and I can't say it was because I went to meetings.

Morning Glory

I don't even have time to do my laundry

This board has been my everything.

liddy

wow, good question barbiedeb,
has made me re-think things
I guess i just assumed most here went to f2f
meetings since this is an alanon board
all i can say is for me i have no idea where i would be with
out those meetings !
i got into the program last may when i hit my bottom
and spent mths going three times a wk since it was the only
sane hrs i had in my insane world.
now i go at least twice a wk and come to the boards in between
i'm not a shy person but didnt/ couldnt open up to any one
but my sponser for a very long time, i too would of cried
and strong women dont (so i thought) but i have been soaking things up and i know there is progress, and i might add these
rooms and the sharing and honesty that goes on here has
lifted me so many times and even though my avatar is the worm
that pops in and out looking for a safe time to come out of the
hole , I am growing enough to know i want to give back what i have received! i am so grateful to have my life back in a new better way than i ever knew possible.
sorry for getting to lengthy but one more thing sums up where i am,
it's in AA's Big Book pg. 230 "then I got a very good position in Philadelphia and quickly found that I would need a few fellow
alcoholics (alanons) around me if I was to stay sober(sane)"
those words hit me right on the old noggin when i read them and knew they were for me too,(the perenthasies are mine)-cant spell that !
thanks for the poll debie
love liddy

constant

I still haven't worked up the courage nor figured out how to have time! I am with Morning Glory, I do good to keep clean clothes and food on the table. Matter of fact, we haven't had food all week! We have had one practice or another all week so no time to buy FOOD!!!

Thank goodness for this board, and my job at the pre-school! I have many close Christian friends that help me TONS in addition to all of you sharing your experiences and advice.

I do hope to attend a meeting and I know when I am ready, it will happen.

Debbie

Thanks again for all your replies. I guess I needed a little reassuring that its okay if I find this board and the things I do enough to help me keep my sanity. I may just try another meeting soon to see how it goes.

Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie

dancingqueen

Al-anon meetings saved my sanity and are helping me on my way to serenity. I do believe that our recovery is individual and different for every person. What is interesting to me is that many ananoners post that they wish their A would go to meetings. I think the same is true for us. We can only go so far with reading and writing. The face to face sharing is invaluable. Sometimes we need to find the "right" meeting, one that holds true to the 12 traditions and 12 steps. The other VERY important factor is our readiness. I know I went to al-anon briefly in 1988 and I wasn't ready to take the first step. It took me until recently to be ready and willing. It is different for every person. There is no judge but one's self. The same is true for the A in our lives. We are not the judge of him or her. We are each responsible for our own lives.

For me, it is working now because I am ready. I am exactly where I need to be. I am "in-between" and thanks to this board I know that is just fine.

Dancing Queen

eyeswideopen

Let just say being proactive with Al Anon by attending meeting sporadically at best, I try for at least two a month, would like to get to more, and this board work best for me. The face to face meetings gives me a chance to look into the mirror, put myself into someone else shoes as the saying goes. Meetings don’t always go how we would like them to but it would be rude to walk-out unlike the board where you don’t post until you’re ready to tell everything. The board gives me a place to make a record of the events, thoughts, and feelings that are happening in my head.

Looking Good

JT

Good thread Debbie!

I went to meetings for 5 years...2,3,sometimes 4 a week. Then we moved about an hour away and I stopped cold. Things were going well and I was doing well. I kept reading my literature and working my program..and that went on for some time. I found myself slipping tho. My anger was returning and my depression. Part of it was because the lull with the Beav was coming to an end but alot of it was me. Then I found these boards and I can honestly say they have saved me the same way my meetings did so long ago. Right now I have to say I go to meetings very sporatically. I was so comfortable with my old friends it was hard to start over.

I do not think I would have the recovery I have without the experience of those meetings. The f2f and the phone calls and a sponsor are what put this girl back on the map. I got a solid foundation. But I have to admit I have nothing to compare it to except my own experience.

I know I have seen alot of recovery on these boards...I think we are very very special!


JT

Debbie

Thanks again all.

It has been very interesting reading everyones insights. I appreciate it

Hugs,
Debbie

phab4ever

Barbiedeb,Your question leads me to anoyher one.I've only been to one meeting,but I read alot of alonon material.I also read most of Melody Beatie's books.So here's my question; Is alonon designed partly to get us out among people again?I don't know about the rest of you,but when I first realised(or admitted to myself) that my husband was an alcholic I withdrew from socialising and began avoiding my friends. I believe I had social anxiety! I still have slight problems with it and I've often thought maybe that was part of alonons function. Just a thought. Karen

Debbie

Wow, good question Karen. Never thought of that. That could be part of it.

Hugs,
Debbie