Always has to lie
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Corning, CA
Posts: 6
Always has to lie
I have noticed my husband is always having to lie. He exaggerates around other people and expects me to go along with it.
One example is he tells people I caught a 128 lb Sturgeon and that I am in the Hall Of Fame in one of the Bait Stores we used to frequent where we used to live. That is all untrue. It would be an embarrassment for me if I tried to say no that isn't true.
He has told people things when I haven't been around and they will ask me about it later. I don't know what to say to them because it is the first time I heard it, so usually answer that is right. It is getting to where I am lying to protect myself from embarrassment.
Don't like a lier and now I am turning into one. It sure doesn't help my Self-Esteem. Now I don't know when to believe him. It is like his life is one big lie. There isn't one day that goes by that he doesn't cuss. Every other word seems like it is a cuss word.
No one we socialize with really knows what kind of person he is.
One example is he tells people I caught a 128 lb Sturgeon and that I am in the Hall Of Fame in one of the Bait Stores we used to frequent where we used to live. That is all untrue. It would be an embarrassment for me if I tried to say no that isn't true.
He has told people things when I haven't been around and they will ask me about it later. I don't know what to say to them because it is the first time I heard it, so usually answer that is right. It is getting to where I am lying to protect myself from embarrassment.
Don't like a lier and now I am turning into one. It sure doesn't help my Self-Esteem. Now I don't know when to believe him. It is like his life is one big lie. There isn't one day that goes by that he doesn't cuss. Every other word seems like it is a cuss word.
No one we socialize with really knows what kind of person he is.
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
So you would be embarrassed that HE lied?
His behavior is HIS behavior - not yours!
However, I'd think that your lying is YOUR behavior and that you'd be more embarrassed at your own behavior.
I do understand though what you mean as I used to feel embarrassment for some of my own AH's behavior - but I've learned that his behavior is his. Mine is mine! I am not responsible for his actions, but I am responsible for my own.
I'd suggest you read up on codependancy, as I believe lying for someone is a way of protecting them/covering up for them, etc.
His behavior is HIS behavior - not yours!
However, I'd think that your lying is YOUR behavior and that you'd be more embarrassed at your own behavior.
I do understand though what you mean as I used to feel embarrassment for some of my own AH's behavior - but I've learned that his behavior is his. Mine is mine! I am not responsible for his actions, but I am responsible for my own.
I'd suggest you read up on codependancy, as I believe lying for someone is a way of protecting them/covering up for them, etc.
Always hopeful...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Illinois
Posts: 429
Oh, this brought back memories!! heeeheee. Mine use to tell a story and sometimes I would choose to correct it, he would just glare at me and get so mad.It would be exaggeraqtion or out & out lie. Some didn't matter, and I'd just grin and shake my head! Some stories really needed to be clarified. I love that it is not as painful as it use to be to recall some of the crap. I think he really did have moments of hating me at the end. I really chose me over 'protecting' him or comprimising who I am! No wonder he tried to choke me! I quit playing HIS game in life. But, ya know what....I still care, and have my really sad moments.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
I think many liars, alcoholic or not, lie because they feel they're not interesting or important enough as they are. Over and over in the rooms of open AA meetings, I hear the phrase about feeling "less than."
AH also lied, though many times it was accepted because he is a writer by profession. When he went into therapy last year, he did say one of the things he wanted to address there was his "need" to lie.
I agree with the above, time to concentrate on your own lying, and not wanting to do it. I would not participate in AH's lies. Maybe you can come up with a stock reply you use when you're caught off guard.
Good luck.
AH also lied, though many times it was accepted because he is a writer by profession. When he went into therapy last year, he did say one of the things he wanted to address there was his "need" to lie.
I agree with the above, time to concentrate on your own lying, and not wanting to do it. I would not participate in AH's lies. Maybe you can come up with a stock reply you use when you're caught off guard.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 782
Originally Posted by deltamist
There isn't one day that goes by that he doesn't cuss. Every other word seems like it is a cuss word.
AH was really bad about this. You know, I don't have, um, perfect language, but I rarely use the 'f' word. But he was constantly throwing it around and using it at me. I was called all sorts of lovely things. The one that hurt me the most was the first one he ever uttered. It was one month before our wedding, and he had never been anything less than sweet with me. That night he called me a 'stupid fu***ng c**t.' Ouch.
Don't take the language personally, and find a way to remove yourself from a situation if he's ever using it toward you.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
first time i heard xah lie after i met him, my jaw bout dropped to the floor.
i have been in same job for many, many years......long before he came along. my job is in the hospitality field and i had many stories. i would tell him some of them and he would relate these stories to others, as if it happened to the both of us.....like he was right there when it happened!!!!
these people that he was telling it to were people that i had been dealing with for years.....so they KNEW differently. it was very weird.
at first, i just ignored it. then i addressed it to him. he became enraged and shouted that i always had to have all the glory!!!!!
even after pointing out to him that others were aware that he was out and out lying, and it made him look very questionable in their eyes.....i tried to do it kindly.....he would shout f-them!!! i don't need those people anyway! blah blah blah
very sick
blessings
jeri
i have been in same job for many, many years......long before he came along. my job is in the hospitality field and i had many stories. i would tell him some of them and he would relate these stories to others, as if it happened to the both of us.....like he was right there when it happened!!!!
these people that he was telling it to were people that i had been dealing with for years.....so they KNEW differently. it was very weird.
at first, i just ignored it. then i addressed it to him. he became enraged and shouted that i always had to have all the glory!!!!!
even after pointing out to him that others were aware that he was out and out lying, and it made him look very questionable in their eyes.....i tried to do it kindly.....he would shout f-them!!! i don't need those people anyway! blah blah blah
very sick
blessings
jeri
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