sunwish

I told him that I saw a divorce lawyer 2 weeks ago and I am hoping we can just get through Christmas for the kids and get through filing for bankruptcy then early next year it will be over. He admits it is his fault and said that he would not blame it on me. He wants a glimmer of hope and does not want to "throw away" 13 years of marriage. He wanted to know if there was someone else ( I knew that was coming).

I know that this is what I have to do. Slowly over years my feeling have changed.

Should I expect him to go through different stages? Right now he is being very quiet and more attentive with the kids...sulking I guess.

prodigal

... but if he's an active addict, he's going to shape up for awhile because he doesn't want you to leave. He needs you. He depends on you. Addicts are dependent on their drug of choice, but they are also in need of enablers to be their mommy, daddy, caretaker, martyr, target ... you name it.

You sound like a strong woman. It also sounds like you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. Do what is best for you and your children. Just be aware that he will start manipulating in any way necessary to get you to stay if he wants you to stay.

Welcome ... fill us in on more of your background if you desire. We are on this board to listen to what others have to share.

sunwish

AH is drinking. He has never been to rehab. We have 2 children and have been married for 13 years. In the past he would "cut down" for a short time to attempt to make things better. That would only last for awhile then back to the same ole ways with the lying, having to run out every night for some reason, lots of money gone, jobs lost, car crashes...the list goes on and on.

I felt stuck for the longest time due to our financial situation but I talked to the divorce lawyer and he asked if I had ever thought of bankruptcy. I had always managed to keep us just above water and paid all the bills. I can't do it anymore. I am working 2 jobs making almost twice as much as he is because he keeps changing jobs and starts at the bottom again.

I hope I can stand my ground no matter what he throws at me!

Thanks for listening.

lillamy

Sunwish,
I'm so glad to hear you're reaching out. I'm sure a hundred people have said it already, let me be #101: Al-Anon. The fellowship will save your sanity when you're at the end of your rope. They'll love you when you're wondering if anyone can. And they'll let you fall on your face and make your own decisions and grow at your own pace without ever telling you what to do.

Living with an alcoholic is incredibly hard. I don't know what breaking away from one is like, but I just imagine a bit of outside support might be a good thing.

Big hugs to you.