Concerns About Al-Anon
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Hi Dazed... my name is BigSis and I am a grateful member of Alanon.
After nearly 3 years of attending - weekly at least, and sometimes 4 or 5 times a week - I can tell you how it worked for me....
At first, I was intimidated by all the ladies who seemed to know what was going on...
I was used to being confident and knowledgeable... I did NOT like feeling "less than" them, and I blamed them because if the program was structured "properly", I would not have to feel this way.
Then, I became convinced they were all so damned serene because their husbands & kids were probably 'sober' and *I* was the only one dealing with active addiction.
I've since found out I was wrong - way wrong.
I read the 12 steps - and "got" it, so what was the whole point of coming, like EVERY fricken week?
I had 2 kids in addiction that I was chasing after, I couldn't "afford" to go to meetings EVERY week!
Man... when I think back, I know I was "judgmental" and condescending about the program and those in it. I was not ready to really "try" any of their suggestions because I was not "done", yet.
Just like the addicts who think they can use or the alcoholics who think they can still drink because they have a few more "tricks" in their bag (you know - like changing the type of booze, or the bar they drink in or the friends they drink with or the state they drink in); I still had some 'things" I needed to try.
It was not until I had tried every single thing I could think of, some over and over and over again... and until I was just worn out and sick and tired of feeling sick and tired....until I was ready to try without arguing every point to death.
It isn't an intellectual program... it is emotional learning. It isn't something I can learn only by reading... I had to learn by experience.
I think I resisted harder than you... but I kept going back because I generally felt better after every meeting. Once a week. That was enough.
((((hugs)))))
After nearly 3 years of attending - weekly at least, and sometimes 4 or 5 times a week - I can tell you how it worked for me....
At first, I was intimidated by all the ladies who seemed to know what was going on...
I was used to being confident and knowledgeable... I did NOT like feeling "less than" them, and I blamed them because if the program was structured "properly", I would not have to feel this way.
Then, I became convinced they were all so damned serene because their husbands & kids were probably 'sober' and *I* was the only one dealing with active addiction.
I've since found out I was wrong - way wrong.
I read the 12 steps - and "got" it, so what was the whole point of coming, like EVERY fricken week?
I had 2 kids in addiction that I was chasing after, I couldn't "afford" to go to meetings EVERY week!
Man... when I think back, I know I was "judgmental" and condescending about the program and those in it. I was not ready to really "try" any of their suggestions because I was not "done", yet.
Just like the addicts who think they can use or the alcoholics who think they can still drink because they have a few more "tricks" in their bag (you know - like changing the type of booze, or the bar they drink in or the friends they drink with or the state they drink in); I still had some 'things" I needed to try.
It was not until I had tried every single thing I could think of, some over and over and over again... and until I was just worn out and sick and tired of feeling sick and tired....until I was ready to try without arguing every point to death.
It isn't an intellectual program... it is emotional learning. It isn't something I can learn only by reading... I had to learn by experience.
I think I resisted harder than you... but I kept going back because I generally felt better after every meeting. Once a week. That was enough.
((((hugs)))))
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pugetopolis
Posts: 2,384
You say that Al-Anon helps you "cope" with alcoholism. Did you know the word "cope" means literally to fight the good fight? Trying to cope just about killed me. Just going to meetings and sharing about the problem and listening to everyone share about the problem is just group therapy and everyone stays sick together. Find yourself a good Al-Anon sponsor who does the 12 Steps from the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" and you won't have to cope with anything anymore. That's a promise.
Jim
Jim
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