One year ago today....
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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Posts: 6,278
One year ago today....
I kicked my husband out of the house. I couldn’t take it any more and I was sure our marriage was over. What a year it’s been!
He quit drinking October 1st of last year. I didn’t care at that point because he had quit so many times before, only to start again in a few weeks or months. It was over for me. I was so angry, sad, and depressed, I thought I would never be happy. 17 years of marriage, down the toilet.
I found SR and became a lurker. I also found a very wise therapist who helped convince me that I could be happy. And I could do it all on my own. I didn’t think so, but what did I have to lose? In addition to reading much ES&H on this board, I also read a pile of books. They all helped, but the ones that made the biggest difference for me were “Codependent No More,” “The Road Less Traveled,” and “The Power of Now.”
I sold the house we had lived in for the past 5 years, along with a lot of bad memories, and bought one only six blocks from my office. (I had been commuting 30+ miles each way for over 8 years because he didn’t “like” the town where I work.) I love my new house. It has all the things I always wanted, but thought I couldn’t have in the name of compromise. Now I know the difference between compromise and sacrifice. I am able to compromise without sacrificing myself.
My husband is now over 10 months sober and he is back to the wonderful man I married all those years ago. Actually, he is much wiser. We are still not living together, but we see each other at least 2 or 3 times a month and have long heart-to-heart talks. We are both getting better and someday we will be a “real” married couple again. I think I am ready to live with him again, but he is not ready yet. He tells me he still has much resentment and anger to let go, plus some guilt. I am learning a lesson in patience because I do not want him to come back to us until he is ready.
This past year has been hard on our children, and me, but not nearly as hard as the previous years of living with a practicing alcoholic. We are all learning, growing, and healing. It takes time.
I just wanted to share what has happened for me in the last year. And I want to thank all those here for their wisdom and insights that helped me to see that I deserve so much better than what I was settling for. Recovery is not a destination, it’s a journey. And it never ends. For the alcoholic or their loved ones, it goes on for life. I know I thought if only he would stop drinking, everything would be fine. I’m here to say, that’s only the beginning and I feel extremely lucky to have made it to the beginning. Here’s to the year ahead, whatever it brings, I know I will be okay.
L
He quit drinking October 1st of last year. I didn’t care at that point because he had quit so many times before, only to start again in a few weeks or months. It was over for me. I was so angry, sad, and depressed, I thought I would never be happy. 17 years of marriage, down the toilet.
I found SR and became a lurker. I also found a very wise therapist who helped convince me that I could be happy. And I could do it all on my own. I didn’t think so, but what did I have to lose? In addition to reading much ES&H on this board, I also read a pile of books. They all helped, but the ones that made the biggest difference for me were “Codependent No More,” “The Road Less Traveled,” and “The Power of Now.”
I sold the house we had lived in for the past 5 years, along with a lot of bad memories, and bought one only six blocks from my office. (I had been commuting 30+ miles each way for over 8 years because he didn’t “like” the town where I work.) I love my new house. It has all the things I always wanted, but thought I couldn’t have in the name of compromise. Now I know the difference between compromise and sacrifice. I am able to compromise without sacrificing myself.
My husband is now over 10 months sober and he is back to the wonderful man I married all those years ago. Actually, he is much wiser. We are still not living together, but we see each other at least 2 or 3 times a month and have long heart-to-heart talks. We are both getting better and someday we will be a “real” married couple again. I think I am ready to live with him again, but he is not ready yet. He tells me he still has much resentment and anger to let go, plus some guilt. I am learning a lesson in patience because I do not want him to come back to us until he is ready.
This past year has been hard on our children, and me, but not nearly as hard as the previous years of living with a practicing alcoholic. We are all learning, growing, and healing. It takes time.
I just wanted to share what has happened for me in the last year. And I want to thank all those here for their wisdom and insights that helped me to see that I deserve so much better than what I was settling for. Recovery is not a destination, it’s a journey. And it never ends. For the alcoholic or their loved ones, it goes on for life. I know I thought if only he would stop drinking, everything would be fine. I’m here to say, that’s only the beginning and I feel extremely lucky to have made it to the beginning. Here’s to the year ahead, whatever it brings, I know I will be okay.
L
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 528
aaawwww LaTeeDa, my eyes got watery for you!!! I am so proud to be a part of this board with someone like you!
I can't wait for you all to be ready at your own time! Your story is an inspiration and I hope many others here have the same outcome. If not, I'm sure it'll be just as wonderful in a different way!
I can't wait for you all to be ready at your own time! Your story is an inspiration and I hope many others here have the same outcome. If not, I'm sure it'll be just as wonderful in a different way!
Not a bad place to be....
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: LOUISIANA
Posts: 179
Wow Lateeda, brought tears to my eyes too! That is an incredible story. My ex AH is not drinking (9 months sober), but still has all the other isms of alcoholism. We still talk occasionally. He still calls to check on me and see how I'm doing, but he is still very resentful towards me for divorcing him and kicking him out and there is also still a tremendous amount of guilt on his part. I don't look for him to make any drastic changes anytime soon and I'm starting to really enjoy being alone for the first time in my life, so I wouldn't want him to come along and mess all that up.
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Originally Posted by LaTeeDa
I’m here to say, that’s only the beginning and I feel extremely lucky to have made it to the beginning. Here’s to the year ahead, whatever it brings, I know I will be okay.
L
L
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
I'm so happy for you - you deserve every bit of it.
What a difference a year makes!
Is that recovery or is it life once for whatever reason it's LIVED rather than put on hold or taken for granted? I know exactly what you mean but for me it's about having learned something really quite precious.
What a difference a year makes!
And it never ends. For the alcoholic or their loved ones, it goes on for life. I know I thought if only he would stop drinking, everything would be fine. I’m here to say, that’s only the beginning and I feel extremely lucky to have made it to the beginning. Here’s to the year ahead, whatever it brings, I know I will be okay.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
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Originally Posted by equus
Is that recovery or is it life once for whatever reason it's LIVED rather than put on hold or taken for granted? I know exactly what you mean but for me it's about having learned something really quite precious.
L
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