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Do I have to take my sister back if she sobers up?

Old 10-11-2020, 10:53 PM
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Do I have to take my sister back if she sobers up?

My older sister has been an alcoholic for at least 15 years, and during that time she has been bullying and abusive to me in particular. I havenít seen her or talked to her in 6 years, other than some emails two years ago (we were selling family property). She has been bullying and abusive to my younger sister, but not to the extent that she has been to me. I believe she presents a physical risk to me. It looks like she might actually be going to rehab and getting sober in the next few weeks. My question is if she does truly get sober and change her ways, do I have to have a relationship with her? Is it my Christian duty? I love her from afar, but life is so much better and peaceful without her in it. Sheís always been a problem-just one crises or mess after another, and then became so much worse once she turned to alcohol. What is my Christian duty here?
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Old 10-12-2020, 12:29 PM
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Originally Posted by lovemilag View Post
... My question is if she does truly get sober and change her ways, do I have to have a relationship with her? Is it my Christian duty? I love her from afar, What is my Christian duty here?
To answer your question - No.
Honor your own peace and sanity.
You may change your mind about her some day.
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Old 10-12-2020, 05:03 PM
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I agree with Lumen. You have no Christian obligation to take your sister in. In fact - given the history, doing so might be a disservice in the sense that in recovery she will need to re-learn old patterns of behavior that do not serve her well, and it's awfully hard to break old patterns when you put yourself right in the middle of where they occur.
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Old 10-12-2020, 05:29 PM
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I'm a Christian, and I look at forgiving someone who has hurt me as an action I take primarily for myself but that also benefits, in a way, the person who wronged us. Forgiving someone means letting go to live your own life in peace--not forcing a relationship when trust has been broken completely.
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seekingcalm (10-13-2020)
Old 12-04-2020, 08:59 AM
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No you don't have to 'take her back'. With many alcoholics and addicts that's them, it's not the chemical talking. They lacked impulse control made worse by the chemical but those thoughts and actions were in their mind most times they acted up, out, abusive, angry etc. The chemical did not manufacture them but made acting on them easier.

The A or addict must earn foregivenss and respect and must understand there are certain lines that once crossed they will never get back on the other side.

That being said it might be possible for a new different relationship but do not hope or wait for things to return to normal what ever thas was.

Peace
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