Kindeyes

I would have taken better care of me and allowed my son to feel the full impact of consequences. I would have understood the difference between being something versus doing something. I would have understood healthy boundaries.

But I am grateful that I understand these things now.

Lovenjoy

really good thread Left.

i wish i had taken the blinders off much earlier. i knew in my gut something wasn't right for a very long time but my son was a master at living his double life, until he couldn't anymore. by the time his addiction became apparent to others i was so deep in denial and couldn't face reality..... it scares me still to remember how clueless i was about addiction.

and then waking up to reality and going full on codie trying to fix him! so he gets sicker and sicker while i keep my head in the clouds and then when he wakes up and wants recovery i'm right there making a mess of it all trying to help.....

addiction and recovery, not part of my parenting aspirations at all. but when we know better we do better. i wish i had understood earlier that taking care of myself and living the best life i possiblly can is truly a gift to my child. learning to let go and let God is an ongoing activity for me.

it has only hit home recently that my son must choose his own path or he can't own his life. i no longer advise, nag, suggest..... i listen. and wait to be asked, for anything - this has been difficult.

i wish i had woken up quicker and educated myself about addiction and codependency.....

hugs to all the parents, be well - know joy!

MyJoey

I wish, I would have used my stun gun on him every time I seen him high. Sent him on a foreign exchange program. chained him in the basement. God knows I have tried everything else.

katelop

I am the mother of a 23 year old daughter who has been in and out of treatment since she was 14. It does feel like death to walk away. It hurts and I grieve and feel guilty, sad and hopeless but to continue to enable her makes me feel angry, resentful and helpless. None of my help has ever solved the real problem so I am now stepping away and letting go and letting God. I have a right to a decent life free of the daily nonsense that a loved ones addiction can bring. Today I am grateful because by letting her go she decided to take some positive action - she got to a food bank, she enrolled in health care and food stamps. Baby steps. She may relapse again but I know a few things that I will do differently now - I refuse to enable someone who does not respect me nor them self and I refuse to provide care for someone who is capable of caring for them self. Thanks for posting. Hugs to you.

Leftover

As the months go by and circumstances arise with my AS, I want to be sure I have the insight on how to handle situations. I dont want to look back and say "I wish I had done that differently." Everyones' posts on this thread have given me deeper insight.......even the stun gun idea! After two years, AS contacted me. But, course he may be at his bottom and so I'm treading slowly in making decisions. Thank you all for responding.

WHAT DO I WISH I HAD DONE DIFFERENTLY?

I wish I had found sober recovery 20 years ago.

Turtleneckie117

I wish I would have done a lot of things differently. I wish I would have been able to see from little on up his manipulative ways, how he twists things around to make me look like the bad person. I wish I would have made him take responsibility for his actions. I wish I would have done so many things differently. I really feel I am to blame in a lot of ways. I pray he will soon see that getting a job after college graduation that he will earn enough money to pay his bills and be able to smoke weed is not the goal he should be aiming for. He has no desires for anything else but to live where it is legal, get a job to pay his rent and all excess $ will be used for weed.....

farfaraway

My sister is the drug addict in my life. She started when we were both in high school. She's 31 now.

There wasn't much about the situation that I could control at the time. But I wish that I had stood up more for myself and my younger brother. My sister's problem sucked away all the family time, money, happiness, closeness, basically every good thing. I didn't want to cause trouble, so I'd just suck it up, say I'm fine, and pretend I didn't have needs. And after awhile, I really didn't need anymore because I was numb. I'm in my 30's and still have trouble even naming my needs, and forget about expressing them.

My parents both worked nights, escaping. My sister would threaten us, beat us, and steal our money and valuables. I'd go to school with all the cash I had in the world on my person, because it wasn't safe at home.

To this day, my relationship with my family is probably permanently damaged. I'm angry that my parents didn't protect my brother and me from her abuse. Drug addiction is a disease right? If it were tuberculosis, they'd have sent her or us away to protect us from exposure. Instead, they tried for years to hide her problem from the world, and I had to lie.

Bluehawaii

I wish I left my rah when my child was young cause he kept spanking her despite my advice that there are other forms of discipline.
I found out later he spanked a ton more than I knew about.
She is now an addict starting at 14 and is 24.
And yes I'm a fool still with him for 30 years.

Leftover

Blue,
I wish it had turned out differently for your family. You have a right to be happy and I'm sure there are still ways to do that. All of us have made mistakes in this life journey. Don't beat yourself up and feel guilty. You are not responsible for your daughter's addiction......that's important for you to believe. Hang in there. Hugs to you.