Ilovemysonjj

So as I suspected, the call came in yesterday at 6:45 PM. "Mom....." And then for the next 5 minutes he is telling me that he has an interview, blah blah blah. I was so angry about him lying to me, I gave him an earful about how I am always getting the short end of the stick, he only calls when he is desperate. Then I asked him why he was calling me? OF course, he is again without a roof over his head. The "girl" had her kids coming home and he couldn't stay there. I said do NOT call me to ask for a place to stay. I made it perfectly clear when I dropped him off at Salvation Army that I am not a resource if he left. I made the mistake of paying for sober living before my trip in January, come to find out he got out of that and cashed the check and used with it! I stood my ground, and gave him the phone number of the "friend" who had called me on Sunday, saying for him to call him. The issue is that he has a meeting with his probation officer today at 9 AM. I pray he goes to that meeting, though of course I have no control over that. He has had some spotty attendance since he left his last rehab and his PO has been extremely fair. I gave Jay one more message that said my offer to get him to Freedom Ranch stands. I would take the time and drive him there today if his PO can get him in.
Please send some prayers- Still praying for the miracle of recovery for him.

I am venting more than anything, so tired of picking up the pieces. I think this may be the hardest NO I have ever had to say to him.

biminiblue

When I was in commissioned sales, there was a saying regarding cold calls, "Every no you get just brings you closer to a yes."

I think that applies here, mom. Every no you tell him forces him closer to a yes.

Ilovemysonjj

You are right for sure. I think he starts with "easy" and works his way to hard. I told him to beg and plead if he wanted to get back in SA (they will take him back after 30 days), and in the past, he has had chauffeured rides to rehab each and every damn time.
Thanks for the support, I know I did the right thing, my codie skin is crawling though.!!

greeteachday

"I love you and I know you are smart enough to figure this out" became my go to response for any plea for help. it got me out of the chronic unsolicited advice giving mode that really just made me crazy and stressed.

I like that analogy, Bimini - well stated!

I hope he makes some good choices here, Teresa. But even if he doesn't, not meeting with the PO may solve his problem of where to stay.

Ilovemysonjj

Yes, jail would be welcome to the streets (at least for me!). He knows what is at stake, he may be shipped to prison since he violated his probation in January.

Twofour

I'm sorry I have no good words of wisdom but you gave me so much help during these last few months. I wish I could give something back. Prayers. Hugs. Strength. You are so strong. I only hope to have worked my program enough to be ready for my future with my son.

Seren

Ah, yes, the phone call...I do understand.

I'm sorry your son continues to make poor choices, T. I understand that part, too.

You and your dear son are in my prayers!! Sending hugs, too

Ilovemysonjj

So I did speak to him today. He was able to secure a place to stay with the "girl" tonight and he is going to Freedom Ranch tomorrow. According to him, his PO did call Salvation Army and knows that JJ is still trying to get into a rehab. I am going to give him a bus pass (5.00) tomorrow. I bought him two cheeseburgers and a soda today (6.00). I kept telling him to figure this out. He did get the place to stay and he is going tomorrow without me. I pray he can get in. The Ranch is really the best place for him and he agrees. He did use and then felt so guilty about it he told the manager at SA. They decided to tell the other people that he left of his own accord and they do want him back. Somehow the truth made a lot more sense to me than his other excuse that he gave me yesterday. He was sober. Send prayers. Even if there is a normal three day waiting period, the also own sober living homes that are managed by the Director of Freedom Ranch. I told JJ to be unstoppable and to get in. God help him.

Twofour

Prayers for your son darling

GardenMama

Thinking of you today, Teresa, and keeping you both in my prayers. Good job keeping the boundaries strong! Anger sometimes helps me with that practice.

Ilovemysonjj

Send prayers family! He looked excellent today and is en route to apply for Freedom Ranch. The "girl" will let him stay overnight if need be until he gets in. I will give everyone an update once I hear back. I feel positive and really believe JJ is sober and wants this. For anyone who lives in San Diego, I would recommend Freedom Ranch as a solution if you have a son. This program was the first one that really reached JJ in 2013. He did well until we let him come home and that was our mistake. This round, he will need sober living afterwords.

allthatsgood

Happy to hear this good news about JJ - will keep him in my prayers, as well as you Teresa.

Impurrfect

Teresa - I always keep you and JJ in my prayers. I'm praying that JJ embraces this chance.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Morning Glory

That sound really positive Teresa.

I'm about 3 hours from San Diego. I'll keep that in mind if needed.

Lot of prayers for you and your son.

seek

It sounds like a great program. It says it is open to anyone in the state of CA. I guess there is a free option and a paying option (they say the paying option is reduced).

Prayers for you and your son!

Ilovemysonjj

Hi Seek, JJ can use SDI to help pay and the fees are reduced based on him being on probation. It is a rugged outdoor ranch with bunkhouse style living.

Twofour

Teresa. So glad to see a real pathway for JJ Prayers to you and your son.....

Seren

Hello Teresa

Well, I am so glad to hear this news! I hope and pray that recovery really holds for him this time!

chicory

I hope that he is waking up at the Ranch this morning!

Your courage and strength is no doubt guiding him. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

thank you for sharing , it helps others , too, believe me.

Ilovemysonjj

Update: No word since Thursday night. He had called me and advised me he needed to go back on Friday to discuss temporary shelter. Letting go, its a glorious Saturday in Sunny SD! He isnt at the Ranch yet, but he told me he was safe when he called me. Cannot control or change his choices.