kktatj

I am in a relationship with a wonderful person. He went clean when he met me b/c I do not talk to people on drugs. He and I dated he stayed clean for over 1 year, he started working with people and it became a regular daily thing and one day he broke down and used, he was gone all night, when he finally came home I hated theperson I saw he had needles trax in his viens, he was sweating, he just acted so not him, he promised never to do again, I almost left, I stayed though, he gave me all he had, I flushed it I broke the new needles, he said he could go back to work and be fine w/those people, I begged him not too, but he did a month later (yesterday june 13) he was acting wierd over the phone while at work and I just knew it I felt it I cried before he even walked in the door. He looked at me and said your crazy I am not doing anything and I could see it I started crying asking him why does he want to lie to me I can see what he is doing, he just was like oh well, I cused I yelled I cried till I couldnt do none of those anymore last night. I truly felt hate in my heart, betrayal, lied too, made to feel like an idiot, just so many emotions and he was emotionless. When he came down again he promises but only after he acted like no big deal saying i was being overly dramatic, he was only hurting him, he didnt kill anyone, he didnt cheat on me or something, I mean he hurt me more with those explanations than anything in a way. I said everything I could say trying to make him realize how much i love him and how this hurts us. I dont know what to do, his attitude today is he will never touch it again, he is sorry but if i am going to dwell on it and not trust him he will just leave. He says he loves me and I am the best thing to happen to him but why why he was doing good for so long.

Smyle

Drug use is hard to define...addiction is even harder..well for me anyway..
I too put the ones I loved through hell...they did not deserve this type of pain and only now in my recovery can I see what I truly put them through.

I do not have the answers you are seeking ...I just know from my experince it is very hard to stay clean and being around people that use only hurts my recovery..I relapse every time. No job is worth me staying at if I am in danger of using. I still relapse occasionally but the time between is getting longer.
I will pray for the both of you to figure out some sort of peaceful and painless resolution..but I know it will be hard....good luck

nocellphone

Welcome to SR, kktatj...

I'm sorry to hear that you're in pain, but two pieces of good news are that there are lots of folks here who can relate and offer support, and that recovery is possible---not only for the addict but also for those who love them.

Please come and say hi over in the Friends & Families forum and consider starting a thread so we can get to know you a bit. There's lots of experience, strength and hope to be gained there.

Luckyv2

That is a real tough situation. Let me share some of my ESH with you that is all that any of us can really offer. My name is Vic and I am an addict. It used to bug the hell out of me to say that, but today, hum I might even be a little proud to be an addict

Back in 2000 my wife (now ex) and I used dope heavily. It was my fault yes, I brought it around, but it wasn't my fault that she used. We each have our own choice to make. Anyway we were using heavily, METH. The reason that we used it was for the extremely arousing sexual experiences. We did things that we probably would have never done, fulfilled fantasies, etc. I ran my own business so money wasn't really an object, we used everyday, every night for almost two years. I know that one time, I did so much in my garage that my secretary told me that I feel to the ground, and crawled around, with dowel coming out of my mouth. I was a mess and so was she.

In 2001 I had sold my buisness and bought it back 4 times that year. Yeah that was just a run of bad luck huh?!!!! NOT, the electric got shut off 2 times with kids, because them damn people wouldn't wait until I got paid, but I had my dope right! During the months of September of 2001 through January of 2002, I don't have a lot of memeory there. It sucks but so goes life. I was in a walking, using, blackout. I don't even remember my wifes birthday that month now ex.

Anyway, I do however remembering going in the house and my wife was sitting there on the couch and she looked at me and said ''Vic, if you love me and the children you will give me what is in your pocket!" I proceeded to the bathroom and did a big load of dope. When I came out she said Vic you are an *******, I said "NO I am the biggest ******* and don't forget it. Now that wasn't me talking and yet it was. I left the town to get clean, and got busted again for possession. I got out a week later on a plea bargain, I drove straight home. When I pulled up, the kids came running out, the dog came running out, but no wife came running out. When I went in she said that I couldn't live there, that she had enough. All I had was a few pairs of jeans, a few shirts and a change of socks.

Anyway I always said that I would get clean and I did for all the wrong reasons. But I still today say that my wife (now ex) saved my life. I would have never tried to get clean if she had let me back into her life. We both could have been dead by now, I know I sure would have probably. She loved me enough to set me free. Yes I was lonely, alone, etc. But I went to meetings, I started to work a program, and made new friends. Today we are really good friends, we can talk, laugh, argue, and still remain close. She saved my LIFE> It is up to you to do what you want, we are not here to tell you what to do only share what has happened to us so maybe you can find the answer that you are seeking.

I sure will send tons of good thoughts your way.

Love vic

GeorgiaPeach

Good advice from Vic! Welcome to SR! All I can say is that he needs to remove himself from the temptation even if it means changing jobs. He is not strong enough to say no and he gives in and even though he has been clean for so long, he was weak when it came to those people and the influence the drugs have over him. Get away from the bad people.

kktatj

I thank all of you for your stories. I have never used drugs, I was addicted to the bottle and I have been clean for many years, but it seems that these drugs has a more powerful hold on people or maybe its the combination of drug and personality traits. I have seen a lot of people on drugs and have seen what it can do to them and there families, my aunt lost everything b/c of her daughters drug abuse. That is why I made a decision never to talk to someone who used, but when I met this guy he was just so unbelievable, I just wanted to be with him, near him, and we didnt get together right away, I helped him get clean, we went on vacations together, he started being around me and my family not those friends of his and he did it and he loved it he loved being clean that is why it was so hard to understand the slip. He has now made the decision not to go back to work for those people, he quit on his on I didnt make him ( I knew that wouldnt be right or that would be a reason for him to blame me later down the line, I knew he had to do it), I just told him my opinion how much i loved him how i didnt want to have to put a headstone on his plot before we could even start a life together, I told him that he might think he knows all he can about his abuse but that one time is all it takes to slip to do to much to get some bad stuff and thats it your done, lights out, I told him (I used to work in atreatment center, my dad was is an abuser of many things) every thing I did know I admitted I had never been there and I dont understand but from the outside looking in and seeing others this is what I thought about it. I reminded him of my hard life, of my bad memories and how I made a choice to change things, I talked about my dad loosing everything including us. He said he knew these things and I told him I was just reminding him he is not alone and I had been in some of those places too. I reminded him how when he is high I cant see those beautiful blue eyes that I love so much. I dont know what the future holds but I do love him and I do believe him, I will continue to come to this forum b/c I dont know everything about this and I will need help b/c I know he might slip, and its a life long battle and I am going to try my best to be there for him in any way possible. I thank all of you for listening.