JenOffmethadone

This is my 1st post here. I was a IV heroin user for nearly 3 years. I had been a cocain user for 7 years before the heroin use. I was a heavy drinker before the heroin addiction. I stoped every drug once I was hooked on heroin. I have been to AA meeting years ago. I have never been to a NA meeting. I have been in and outta detox centers. I will be clean 11 months April 12th. I'm 28 I have two children age 8 and 10. I spent 8 months on methadone i've been off it for 3 months. I got a staf infection in my arm last year and spent a week in the hospital. The hospital contacted childrens services I failed a state mandated drug test. I lost custody of my children. My mom has had them sience the failed drug test april 05. I have a court hearing in May I should be granted back custody. I'm living alone for the 1st time in my adult life. I've cut ties with everyone I knew. Of course things have gotton better, the cravings are still intense. It's so hard to stay clean, much harder to stay clean then it was to get clean. I don't see any kinda counsler I don't have a suppoort system. My family has seen me fall so many times they are no help at all. Being off the smack was a lot easier while being on the methadone. The methadone clinic was 2 states away and a 45 min drive one way and costing nearly 400.00 a month plus gas. Transportation got to be a major hardship. So that lil story is what brings me here.

splendra

Hey (((Jen)))

Welcome to Sober Recovery!! Congrats on your clean time. I think it is awesome that you have gotten clean. I know it must be tough but, you sound like you are strong.

Are you seeking support? This is a really good place to start. I am sure others will be a long soon to welcome you keep posting and stay strong!! Saying prayers for you to have a good outcome in court!!!

JenOffmethadone

I am seeking support. I've got this far ALONE. I still don't feel strong at all. As summer aproches and the weather is getting nice i'm CRAVING. I've not found where I fit into in my clean life that is causing me problems. I don't know a single ex heroin addict, I know several active addicts. I can't seem to find people who relate to my ADDICTION. I'm feeling socially ********. THANKS FOR THE WELCOME

Paul83

You know one ex heroin addict now! HUUUUGE CONGRATS on the clean time Jen that is so inspiring to hear! This site has proven itself time & time again to be laregely foundational upon my recovery. Lots of great folks & good vibes, but most importantly people who have been there and can offer their own experience strength & hope. I'm kind of confused though, are you biased toward the 12step recovery program & looking for something else? If not thats a great way to meet other ex-* addicts, I know because I wanted the exact thing that you talked about (people who understood me!). If your not into 12step I bet there's a whole lot of other alternatives in Cincinnati like SMART or rational recovery programs. In the meantime however it's great to hear from you & I commend you on your dedication to want to change you life. Keep posting & let us know how you're doin!

Paul

aasharon90

Hi Jen and welcome.

My name is Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

My drug of choice was alcohol. I agree once u come clean and sober, its the staying clean & sober one day at a time thats the trick. Thank God we have good support systems or programs to help us, so we NEVER have to be alone. We NEVER have to face lifes hard problem by ourselves. And NEVER be afraid to ask for what you want and need. I use to be afraid to ask because i didnt want to bother other people. Ud be surprise how many people are willling you help u out. Even if it's just to listen or take u to a meeting. Staying sober for 15 years has been a daily job in itsself. Waking up each morning remembering to say Please help me stay sober and at night to say Thank you for keeping me sober to my Higher Power.
When i came into AA via intervention by family members, i had the desire to stop drinking. I first Admitted i had a problem with it, then accepted it, then to believed in a Power greater than i could restore me to sanity. The desire to drink was lifted from me from the very beginning. Today, i still have some living problems, And even tho in a slow learner, i still remain teachable.
I have a non alcoholic husband and kids and thus no one here understands me. That is why I am glad there r countless AA meetings available for me to escape to. A place that i fit in comfortably whether it be a face to face meeting or here in Sober Recovery. Surrounding myself with people who understand me, that dont ask me question, accept me for who i am. With each of us sharing our own experiences, strengths and hopes with each other as we all trudge this road of recovery one day at a time. The FELLOWSHIP of recovery is AWESOME. So thank u for being here for me.
Much love and care coming ur way.

Thanks for letting me share.

JenOffmethadone

Paul, I am not anti 12 step programs. I am anti-social which has gotton Oh, so much worse being clean. I need the support but, I don't like groups lol. I don't even like to grocery shop if the store is crowded. I get lonley with only my boyfriend "who has never had any addiction" to talk to. I am sure I wounld benifit by going to a meeting. I am afriad of using again if I don't get more control over these cravings. I need to do something I relize that. Thanks for the reply: I am seeking that understand me thing. aasharon: My mother is a recovering Alcoholic. She used a 12 step program in the 1st few years of recovery. She has been sober some 12 years now. I know the power of AA 1st hand thru her. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

fuster

Jen:

Have you ever had a mental health evaluation? Just wondering. Sounds like there might be something there (anxiety based), if you knew what it was you might better be prepared to manage your daily living without the drugs. If you are anxious about being around groups, meetings might be done by going with another same sex recovering person.

By the way, back when I got sober, in '94, I felt like a "social ******" too. It gets better, when you work a recovery program every day.

TONYTEXAS

I saw the thread title and needed to say hell yeah congratulations! I too am a opiate and heroin addict. Keep it up. I would recommend attending a meeting though. The great folks here finally got me to do it and I havent missed a day yet. Your awesome!

JenOffmethadone

fuster, I've been put on a laundry list of meds, I know I have anxiety disorders. I think i'm going to have to go to a meeting, possibly in time it would help the social issues also. Tony, it's a monster to kick. The closer summer gets these cravings and not sleeping seem to be getting worse.

J-Girl

Hi Jen,

I too am a recovering opiate addict, and I felt the same way early in recovery--that there are not too many recovered/ recovering iv drug users. I wondered why that was, and now I realize that a lot of opiate addicts are probably dead. I think that I would be dead, if I hadn't gotten caught. The prognosis for active IV drug users isn't good. So congratulations on your clean time. I've been clean for over 2 years, and I've met 2 ex-heroin users, one clean for 25 years, and the other for 30 years, so there's hope that it can be done. It's tough--takes awhile before your brain chemicals normalize again, because your chemicals fall so out of whack with drug use. But you might need help with that,too. Effexor helped me a lot, along with "Cognitive Behavioral Training" for an anxiety disorder. CBT teaches you thought-stopping techniques, to control the anxiety. It's hard work, but eventually you get to a point where you control your anxiety, not the other way around, and it becomes a very natural process. CBT is the recommended choice of therapy for anxiety disorders,and it's done by all types of therapists. Also, anxiety disorders often co-exist, so a person can have social anxiety disorder, with features of OCD, for example. I used to think therapy was ********, but it definitely has it's place, along with support through recovery. Check it out; you deserve to find peace in your life. Life is just so damned hard, when you're dealing with so much inner turmoil, but that can change. People's patterns get set, they become comfortable in their maladaptive habits. But people can change. Oh, yes. I hope you do this for yourself. You deserve it. Good luck. It gets better, it really does.

LizB

Jen;
Congrats, congrats, congrats!!! Your clean-time is amazing. What is it about summer that makes those damn cravings so intense? I noticed you are in Cincinnati-I am near Toledo-maybe these long, cold Ohio winters is what makes summer seem so appealing to use? Who knows...I just know that not abusing is a way better way of life than abusing.

My ex was a "H" addict, and he died in 1998. (car accident, not really "H" related, although he was on his way to get some when it happened...) anyhow, I am a prescription-pain-pill abuser, so I know first hand now some of the things that he was feeling back then. I never used until after he died, and back then I would have never imagined that I would be standing in his shoes, addicted like he was. I just know I don't want to end up like he did, so I finally did something about it, too.

Anyhow, keep hanging in there, and don't, don't, don't give in to your tempations and use again. Keep coming back here, I just stated coming here and the support is awesome!

Take Care, and keep in touch!!
LizB

Hope

Congrats on your clean time! Stick around here at SR! This support is great and you will form amazing friendships!

bennyrae

Hang in there for yourself and those kids. God be with you always.