Last Dance With Mary Jane
Not all better, getting better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Last Dance With Mary Jane
Well it's been quite a ride MJ. What's it been, 18 years now?!! Our relationship has been a bit rocky over the past few years. Other people trying to break up our relationship. Well you helped me take care of them. My wife of 13 years didn't want to share me with you anymore. Jellous b!tch! Well I got rid of her!! Who needs that kid in my life either, we can't be together when he's around, so he's with his mom now. Yea, sure you kinda cost me that job, and because you do tend to be a bit high maintainence financially I did end up having to file bankruptcy and move back in with my parrents, but even when times were their hardest, I always had money for you. We had a lot of good times, though I dont' really remember them. You were always with me. That's why it's so hard to say good bye. I gave up everything for you, and now I realize that I have nothing left but you. So I took you out for one last spin on the dance floor. It really wasn't that good. I guess I've gotten tired of your controling ways. You demand that I be with you constintantly, that you are my number one priority no matter what. I just can't give you that kind of commitment any more. So that's it. We're done. The pipes are gone, resin smoked, bud all gone. It is going to be lonely, but I guess that's my own fault. Maybe in time I can actually have a healthy relationship again, but this one has to end. I sure wish I had made this decision before I gave everything else away, caused so much pain to those who love me. But I didn't. Maybe I can pick up some of the pieces that are left of my life and make something of it still, I really don't know some days. One thing I do know, I can't keep going like this. This relationship is killing me. I might not make it with out you, but I know I won't make it with you. So goodbye and good riddence to you.
You're never alone!!
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
Love ya Tyler!!!!
So glad you're back!!
So glad you're saying good-bye to that stuff!!
Remember that crap doesn't really like you at all!!
It doesn't like your boy, and it doesn't like your ex,
and it certainly doesn't like you!!
But, WE LOVE YOU!!
Becky
So glad you're back!!
So glad you're saying good-bye to that stuff!!
Remember that crap doesn't really like you at all!!
It doesn't like your boy, and it doesn't like your ex,
and it certainly doesn't like you!!
But, WE LOVE YOU!!
Becky
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Nice Post!!! I hope you keep rereading that to yourself at your moments of weakness. I have a few posts like that that I've written and have to reread at my weak points.
Maybe print it out and keep it in your wallet? Just a thought.
Maybe print it out and keep it in your wallet? Just a thought.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 201
Hey Typhoon.
Ya, I hear that, I used to be on that stuff like 24/7 for about 5-6years. It most certainly messed up with your memory, and causes cognitive problems. My brother is still on that stuff like non-stop, but hes like 41 or 42.
The probelm with MJ, is that all your friends end up on that stuff to, thats how it works out right. So in order to quit, you have to pretty much eitehr start NEW relationships with all your friends, or ditch em.
I lost many a friend, but now several years later I am trying to salvage old friendships, in a new light, possible help someone who is still stuck in a rut.
Problem with MJ, is people dont really quit it, since its a slowly degenerative drug. ITs not like sp,e druggs where you have a freaking heart attack literally, or lungs collapse, so it can be part of your life, for a very long time, very integrated. Like you said 18 years. It hard caus usually people hit rock bottom before they quit, but with MJ, you just kinda hover above bottom floor, but dont actually hit it, exactly, for a while. So time wise it can be messed up.
anyways, congrats, your life will be much better now. Make sure to stay clean, and away from old friends until you are strong enough to avoid relapse. ALSO, second hand smoke intoxicates trust me on this, so you can't be 'kicking it' around some homies, while they firing up, caus it wont fly, relapse central. You will get exposure, I know this is the biggest 'lie' supposedly, but its true.
So, stay clean, lets excersize those lungs healthily with some excersize, slowly building up, perhaps with some jogging, you will need to start a bunch of new hobbies to fill your spaces ...
-C
Ya, I hear that, I used to be on that stuff like 24/7 for about 5-6years. It most certainly messed up with your memory, and causes cognitive problems. My brother is still on that stuff like non-stop, but hes like 41 or 42.
The probelm with MJ, is that all your friends end up on that stuff to, thats how it works out right. So in order to quit, you have to pretty much eitehr start NEW relationships with all your friends, or ditch em.
I lost many a friend, but now several years later I am trying to salvage old friendships, in a new light, possible help someone who is still stuck in a rut.
Problem with MJ, is people dont really quit it, since its a slowly degenerative drug. ITs not like sp,e druggs where you have a freaking heart attack literally, or lungs collapse, so it can be part of your life, for a very long time, very integrated. Like you said 18 years. It hard caus usually people hit rock bottom before they quit, but with MJ, you just kinda hover above bottom floor, but dont actually hit it, exactly, for a while. So time wise it can be messed up.
anyways, congrats, your life will be much better now. Make sure to stay clean, and away from old friends until you are strong enough to avoid relapse. ALSO, second hand smoke intoxicates trust me on this, so you can't be 'kicking it' around some homies, while they firing up, caus it wont fly, relapse central. You will get exposure, I know this is the biggest 'lie' supposedly, but its true.
So, stay clean, lets excersize those lungs healthily with some excersize, slowly building up, perhaps with some jogging, you will need to start a bunch of new hobbies to fill your spaces ...
-C
Not all better, getting better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Originally Posted by Christian
Hey Typhoon.
Ya, I hear that, I used to be on that stuff like 24/7 for about 5-6years. It most certainly messed up with your memory, and causes cognitive problems. My brother is still on that stuff like non-stop, but hes like 41 or 42.
The probelm with MJ, is that all your friends end up on that stuff to, thats how it works out right. So in order to quit, you have to pretty much eitehr start NEW relationships with all your friends, or ditch em.
I lost many a friend, but now several years later I am trying to salvage old friendships, in a new light, possible help someone who is still stuck in a rut.
Problem with MJ, is people dont really quit it, since its a slowly degenerative drug. ITs not like sp,e druggs where you have a freaking heart attack literally, or lungs collapse, so it can be part of your life, for a very long time, very integrated. Like you said 18 years. It hard caus usually people hit rock bottom before they quit, but with MJ, you just kinda hover above bottom floor, but dont actually hit it, exactly, for a while. So time wise it can be messed up.
anyways, congrats, your life will be much better now. Make sure to stay clean, and away from old friends until you are strong enough to avoid relapse. ALSO, second hand smoke intoxicates trust me on this, so you can't be 'kicking it' around some homies, while they firing up, caus it wont fly, relapse central. You will get exposure, I know this is the biggest 'lie' supposedly, but its true.
So, stay clean, lets excersize those lungs healthily with some excersize, slowly building up, perhaps with some jogging, you will need to start a bunch of new hobbies to fill your spaces ...
-C
Ya, I hear that, I used to be on that stuff like 24/7 for about 5-6years. It most certainly messed up with your memory, and causes cognitive problems. My brother is still on that stuff like non-stop, but hes like 41 or 42.
The probelm with MJ, is that all your friends end up on that stuff to, thats how it works out right. So in order to quit, you have to pretty much eitehr start NEW relationships with all your friends, or ditch em.
I lost many a friend, but now several years later I am trying to salvage old friendships, in a new light, possible help someone who is still stuck in a rut.
Problem with MJ, is people dont really quit it, since its a slowly degenerative drug. ITs not like sp,e druggs where you have a freaking heart attack literally, or lungs collapse, so it can be part of your life, for a very long time, very integrated. Like you said 18 years. It hard caus usually people hit rock bottom before they quit, but with MJ, you just kinda hover above bottom floor, but dont actually hit it, exactly, for a while. So time wise it can be messed up.
anyways, congrats, your life will be much better now. Make sure to stay clean, and away from old friends until you are strong enough to avoid relapse. ALSO, second hand smoke intoxicates trust me on this, so you can't be 'kicking it' around some homies, while they firing up, caus it wont fly, relapse central. You will get exposure, I know this is the biggest 'lie' supposedly, but its true.
So, stay clean, lets excersize those lungs healthily with some excersize, slowly building up, perhaps with some jogging, you will need to start a bunch of new hobbies to fill your spaces ...
-C
Exersise
yes, I really need to get into that. I've never been a person with much will power, stubborn yes, strong enough to push myself to do things I don't want to do, no. So I need some work in that area, but I am going to work on it. Thanks to everyone else who responded as well. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Posts: 2,274
Yes, I danced for a while with MJ. It is a very sneaky, tricky drug, because you can do it (at least I could) and be fairly functional, but you are really slowly getting more and more dysfunctional. I suggest you try going to NA meetings--they helped me a lot!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Hamburg Ny
Posts: 5
your post
Your post really hit home, i am a young man who struggles with MJ but today is my day to shine through the weeds and see the lightn and i believe you will be doing the same thing. Don't think of the bad and tha past look to the future.
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Originally Posted by tyler
Exersise yes, I really need to get into that. I've never been a person with much will power, stubborn yes, strong enough to push myself to do things I don't want to do, no. So I need some work in that area, but I am going to work on it. Thanks to everyone else who responded as well. Take care.
yes, I really need to get into that. I've never been a person with much will power, stubborn yes, strong enough to push myself to do things I don't want to do, no. So I need some work in that area, but I am going to work on it. Thanks to everyone else who responded as well. Take care.Growing, Learning, Living
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Vacationing on earth
Posts: 836
Tyler,
Your post made me smile. I am very happy for you. I am very proud of you for making that choice. Your life is going to get so much BETTER from here. Stay strong. I will continue to pray for you.
Your post made me smile. I am very happy for you. I am very proud of you for making that choice. Your life is going to get so much BETTER from here. Stay strong. I will continue to pray for you.
one of many
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Ellisville, FL
Posts: 200
I hate pot. It is truly the weed with roots in hell. It took so much from me and I never asked it why. I was more than willing to spend every dime I had on that fluffy green oblivion. Of course every chronic head eventually gets to the point where even the hydro isn't doing the job anymore. I had to improvise and start adding for drugs into the mix. For me that meant drinking as much alcohol and smoking as much weed as I could to obliterate my mind and forget my joke of a life. Binging on harder drugs was a luxury I could never afford. My money was always earmarked for the weed.
Isolation + Drugs + Booze = misery
The equation is simple and never changes
I don't want anything to do with potheads or the god they worship.
Isolation + Drugs + Booze = misery
The equation is simple and never changes
I don't want anything to do with potheads or the god they worship.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 201
On the subject, after I was clean, I was looking for a roommates, and I moved into this place, subconsciously since I felt comfortable with the people, but of course, they were all stoners I found out after I moved in. It was a terrible experience really, talk about lack of personal growth or any expansion, even though I was clean, it was a BAD place for me to be, in the position I was, I wasn't able to be a leader and set any examples. I just struggled to stay clean ....
GO TYLER KEEP IT UP! I hope you look forward to enjoying some new hobbies and hopefully doing all the things you wanted to do.
GO TYLER KEEP IT UP! I hope you look forward to enjoying some new hobbies and hopefully doing all the things you wanted to do.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Pomona
Posts: 7
I started to experiment with drugs right after High School. Unfortunetaly it was the High School visiters that came to say how they screwed up thier lives with drugs that made me want to actually try drugs. Crazy Huh. It sounded so fun to see little smurf type people running all over the floor and into walls. So I asked a friend and that summer we found some LSD. It was too strong a drug to do everyday so I quickly moved to weed and then to Chronic. That was soon not enough and I drank every night while smoking chronic Non-stop. It took a serious Vicoden Addiction to stop smoking weed. I moved to Morphine and got stuck. I tried to quit by using Chronic again. Didn't work. I get horrible anxiety now when I smoke weed. Now I am taking Methadone and am stuck on that. How I wish I was only using Chronic. I was constantly smoking that stuff and trying to get drunk. It got so bad that I couldn't get high without alcohol and couldn't get drunk without weed. All I can say is you are doing the right thing. Just dont trade one drug for another like I always do. I used to always say that I am not addicted to a drug I am addicted to getting high. Now I am just addicted.
Not all better, getting better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Thanks everyone. After feeling really crappy for a couple of days, I'm feeling pretty good today. There are actually physical WD's from heavy pot smoking, though nothing like other drugs, though I don't really have any other WD's to compare to to personally!! From the horror stories I've read here I'm sure they are pretty mild in comparrison.
Of course it is the mind games pot, and any other abused drug for that matter, play that makes it hard. That, "maybe this time will be different...other people can do it...etc" kind of thinking. The fact, proven over and over and over again, is that I can not successfully smoke pot. Big freaking deal!!! There are a million other things I can do!!! For that matter there are a million other thing I can't do! I know I can't and am reasonably sure I will never be able to run a mile in under 4 minutes, at this point I might be able to pull it off in 40 minutes!! It just so happens that for whatever reason, I am unable to control my use of pot. So I just can't use it, and that is that.
I'm kinda talking to myself here, but it helps to write it and read it in print sometimes. One thing that encourages me about quitting "this time" is that I have voluntarily walked away this time. Nobody made me, nobody knew I was using again, I could get more tomorrow if I chose to, but I choose not to. I've never been able to do this in the past. I've had to go to the extremes of moving 1000 miles away from my son and ex-wife (who I still deeply love) in order to "get away from" the pot. Of course there is pot or whatever else available here just like where I moved from, but it took me awhile to meet the "right" people. Know I know where I can get it, but I choose not to and that is strangely empowering.
My intent is to move back near my son by this fall. He is five and needs to have his daddy around, and for that matter his daddy needs him. I've never really been there for him. Even when I was there physically, I wasn't really "there" because I was high all the time. When I look at all I've given up to smoke it can make me depressed, if I can just see a little progress each day, I think I can make it.
Thanks again for all the support. Take care all.
Of course it is the mind games pot, and any other abused drug for that matter, play that makes it hard. That, "maybe this time will be different...other people can do it...etc" kind of thinking. The fact, proven over and over and over again, is that I can not successfully smoke pot. Big freaking deal!!! There are a million other things I can do!!! For that matter there are a million other thing I can't do! I know I can't and am reasonably sure I will never be able to run a mile in under 4 minutes, at this point I might be able to pull it off in 40 minutes!! It just so happens that for whatever reason, I am unable to control my use of pot. So I just can't use it, and that is that.
I'm kinda talking to myself here, but it helps to write it and read it in print sometimes. One thing that encourages me about quitting "this time" is that I have voluntarily walked away this time. Nobody made me, nobody knew I was using again, I could get more tomorrow if I chose to, but I choose not to. I've never been able to do this in the past. I've had to go to the extremes of moving 1000 miles away from my son and ex-wife (who I still deeply love) in order to "get away from" the pot. Of course there is pot or whatever else available here just like where I moved from, but it took me awhile to meet the "right" people. Know I know where I can get it, but I choose not to and that is strangely empowering.
My intent is to move back near my son by this fall. He is five and needs to have his daddy around, and for that matter his daddy needs him. I've never really been there for him. Even when I was there physically, I wasn't really "there" because I was high all the time. When I look at all I've given up to smoke it can make me depressed, if I can just see a little progress each day, I think I can make it.
Thanks again for all the support. Take care all.
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