Thanks everyone. After feeling really crappy for a couple of days, I'm feeling pretty good today. There are actually physical WD's from heavy pot smoking, though nothing like other drugs, though I don't really have any other WD's to compare to to personally!! From the horror stories I've read here I'm sure they are pretty mild in comparrison.
Of course it is the mind games pot, and any other abused drug for that matter, play that makes it hard. That, "maybe this time will be different...other people can do it...etc" kind of thinking. The fact, proven over and over and over again, is that I can not successfully smoke pot. Big freaking deal!!! There are a million other things I can do!!! For that matter there are a million other thing I can't do! I know I can't and am reasonably sure I will never be able to run a mile in under 4 minutes, at this point I might be able to pull it off in 40 minutes!! It just so happens that for whatever reason, I am unable to control my use of pot. So I just can't use it, and that is that.
I'm kinda talking to myself here, but it helps to write it and read it in print sometimes. One thing that encourages me about quitting "this time" is that I have voluntarily walked away this time. Nobody made me, nobody knew I was using again, I could get more tomorrow if I chose to, but I choose not to. I've never been able to do this in the past. I've had to go to the extremes of moving 1000 miles away from my son and ex-wife (who I still deeply love) in order to "get away from" the pot. Of course there is pot or whatever else available here just like where I moved from, but it took me awhile to meet the "right" people. Know I know where I can get it, but I choose not to and that is strangely empowering.
My intent is to move back near my son by this fall. He is five and needs to have his daddy around, and for that matter his daddy needs him. I've never really been there for him. Even when I was there physically, I wasn't really "there" because I was high all the time. When I look at all I've given up to smoke it can make me depressed, if I can just see a little progress each day, I think I can make it.
Thanks again for all the support. Take care all.