back to the steps for my butt
Your Distant Friend
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: pittsburgh, pa
Posts: 255
back to the steps for my butt
meetings, as far as ive gathered, don't work without stepwork. 
im going to a meeting in one hour. it will be the first meeting ive been at for about 4 months, and, yes, i'm getting a white key tag.
its funny that that last smiley is named "loser" - i didn't know, but it fits.
11 years ago at the very same regular narcotics anonymous meeting that i will be attending tonite did i truly "surrender" and i still don't know what its like to be totally serene. i know what its like to be off drugs, tho.
i didnt believe the program. i would rather start my own spiritual program. i'm still a little cautious, but i do know that when i did go to meetings, i stayed off drugs. So, this time i'm going to take all the suggestions i get, and do them, because when i did it my own way, it didn't work. they told to to go to more than one a week. i'm going to do that this time. they told me to find a sponsor. i'm going to get me one of those.
i'm a little nervous, to tell you the truth. but rationally, its where i need to go. its thundering out and raining pretty hard. i'm tired. my shoes are going to be soaked. my jacket doesnt repel water. i have no car. i have no friends with cars. if i tried, i could think of a million reasons why i should stay home, and all of them are lame.
i'm gonna get my white keytag, and i'm going to throw away my others. 11 years i could be proud of, and none of my problems would be existing. what i do have is a miracle, and my recovery is beginning to truly happen. honestly.
once i start walking, i'm not going to turn back. As cold and wet as i become, i'm going to feel that much better.
time to surrender, again.
im going to a meeting in one hour. it will be the first meeting ive been at for about 4 months, and, yes, i'm getting a white key tag.
its funny that that last smiley is named "loser" - i didn't know, but it fits.
11 years ago at the very same regular narcotics anonymous meeting that i will be attending tonite did i truly "surrender" and i still don't know what its like to be totally serene. i know what its like to be off drugs, tho.
i didnt believe the program. i would rather start my own spiritual program. i'm still a little cautious, but i do know that when i did go to meetings, i stayed off drugs. So, this time i'm going to take all the suggestions i get, and do them, because when i did it my own way, it didn't work. they told to to go to more than one a week. i'm going to do that this time. they told me to find a sponsor. i'm going to get me one of those.
i'm a little nervous, to tell you the truth. but rationally, its where i need to go. its thundering out and raining pretty hard. i'm tired. my shoes are going to be soaked. my jacket doesnt repel water. i have no car. i have no friends with cars. if i tried, i could think of a million reasons why i should stay home, and all of them are lame.
i'm gonna get my white keytag, and i'm going to throw away my others. 11 years i could be proud of, and none of my problems would be existing. what i do have is a miracle, and my recovery is beginning to truly happen. honestly.
once i start walking, i'm not going to turn back. As cold and wet as i become, i'm going to feel that much better.
time to surrender, again.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: lynn,ma
Posts: 37
GOOD FOR YOU!! It sounds as if your willing to do WHATEVER it takes and that is a blessing because this is when true healing can begin. I'm sure you will feel so much better after the meeting! And try and raise your hand and let people know what's going on-ask for numbers-and use them-you got all the right ideas-sponser-stepwork-90 meetings in 90 days-the gift of willingness and desperation is what is gonna keep you clean...I'm proud of you-Stay strong-get that keychain and be an inspiration for someone else to get up too. Let the journey begin tonight....I believe in you....
Your Distant Friend
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: pittsburgh, pa
Posts: 255
90 in 90 sounds good to me.. i got one down 
and yes, i do feel better. thanks for the support.. i'll report back here, and i've marked one on my calander.. 89 to go..
and yes, i do feel better. thanks for the support.. i'll report back here, and i've marked one on my calander.. 89 to go..
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: out there...
Posts: 2,653
Originally Posted by emmanuel2012
11 years i could be proud of, and none of my problems would be existing.
I've got close to 15 years and it's mothing to be proud of, or ashamed of either one. Now the day.. thats is something to be proud of.
if the accumulation of years had anything to do with the existence of my problems, then I would have been living on a deserted island in a dreamscape.
I've had financial windfalls, almost bankrupted, started new carreers, lost jobs, began and ended relationships, ( some pleasant, some not so), surgeries, accidents, broke down cars, new-er cars, motorcycles, and even been jailed in recovery. And I've walked in wet shoes withoiut a decent raincoat.
recovery isn't about the absence of problems
it's about staying clean so that I can accept my responsibility for my part in them and take some action in theor resolution.
once i start walking, i'm not going to turn back. As cold and wet as i become, i'm going to feel that much better.
time to surrender, again.
time to surrender, again.
Don't waste your time looking around you for the miracle to happen. Look in your heart for the miracle we become.
Guest
Posts: n/a
i didnt believe the program. i would rather start my own spiritual program. i'm still a little cautious, but i do know that when i did go to meetings, i stayed off drugs. So, this time i'm going to take all the suggestions i get, and do them, because when i did it my own way, it didn't work. they told to to go to more than one a week. i'm going to do that this time. they told me to find a sponsor. i'm going to get me one of those.
Whats important is your not giving up on your recovery, thats great! Try to take it easy on yourself, keep it simple, and go with the flow, it will come to you and in a way you can understand.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by emmanuel2012
what i do have is a miracle, and my recovery is beginning to truly happen. honestly.
Originally Posted by Gooch
Look in your heart for the miracle we become.
Twenty six years of clean time in them two phrases, yet, I see a newcomer's heart beating in both of 'em.
How grateful I am to be a witness to the daily wonders the steps give us once hopeless wretches.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: London
Posts: 1,229
Originally Posted by Gooch
Could be that you expected more than freedom from active addiction? a magical cureall?
I've got close to 15 years and it's mothing to be proud of, or ashamed of either one. Now the day.. thats is something to be proud of.
if the accumulation of years had anything to do with the existence of my problems, then I would have been living on a deserted island in a dreamscape.
I've had financial windfalls, almost bankrupted, started new carreers, lost jobs, began and ended relationships, ( some pleasant, some not so), surgeries, accidents, broke down cars, new-er cars, motorcycles, and even been jailed in recovery. And I've walked in wet shoes withoiut a decent raincoat.
recovery isn't about the absence of problems
it's about staying clean so that I can accept my responsibility for my part in them and take some action in theor resolution.
Go get your white chip, read your basic text. be grateful to live another day.
Don't waste your time looking around you for the miracle to happen. Look in your heart for the miracle we become.
I've got close to 15 years and it's mothing to be proud of, or ashamed of either one. Now the day.. thats is something to be proud of.
if the accumulation of years had anything to do with the existence of my problems, then I would have been living on a deserted island in a dreamscape.
I've had financial windfalls, almost bankrupted, started new carreers, lost jobs, began and ended relationships, ( some pleasant, some not so), surgeries, accidents, broke down cars, new-er cars, motorcycles, and even been jailed in recovery. And I've walked in wet shoes withoiut a decent raincoat.
recovery isn't about the absence of problems
it's about staying clean so that I can accept my responsibility for my part in them and take some action in theor resolution.
Go get your white chip, read your basic text. be grateful to live another day.
Don't waste your time looking around you for the miracle to happen. Look in your heart for the miracle we become.
NA Rocks!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Location Location
Posts: 517
Prayers for you, manny! You know what went wrong and you're taking the action to work on it. Awesome! And such wise words spoken above. I love it! Thank you for this post.
Edited to add: I just had to add this from Just For Today .....
"Just for today: I will find joy in witnessing the recovery of another."
Edited to add: I just had to add this from Just For Today .....
"Just for today: I will find joy in witnessing the recovery of another."
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Posts: 2,274
"i would rather start my own spiritual program."
Is that possible? Not for this addict. For me, being spiritual means getting out of myself, developing relationships with a higher power and with other human beings. It is a we program, not an I program. There are other spiritual programs besides NA, of course, such as various religions, but for me, NA is what I need to be clean and somewhat serene.
Is that possible? Not for this addict. For me, being spiritual means getting out of myself, developing relationships with a higher power and with other human beings. It is a we program, not an I program. There are other spiritual programs besides NA, of course, such as various religions, but for me, NA is what I need to be clean and somewhat serene.
Your Distant Friend
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: pittsburgh, pa
Posts: 255
open-mindedness
thank you for your insight, all. i just came back from my second meeting.
sure. i expected happiness, haha. yet i do know of course that at least when i do have problems, i dont have the extra madnesses that drugs induce.
sure! is it easy? no! the problem is immediate about that "we" and lack of it.
so, i do think that my new involvement in NA and the "we" is truly what will help me overcome my hard times in the future. the power of one addict helping another addict, is as they say, "without parallel". i do believe this, and that is how the fellowship of NA compliments the text, for me.
yet, the spiritual part is within me, as well as within everyone. The "we" and "God" and everything outside of me is not the spiritual part of the program to me. to me, the program is like my prescription for my disease, its not my religion or creed! i have met people with much wisdom in the program, and i have met fools. i've stopped seeking outside of myself for god. the wise can understand this, the fools don't. it's not neccessary!
anyway, you see, i'm going to have huge problems again, with the first three steps, and all of the ones that have a higher power in them. i've always got hung up on these ones.
its not that i have an indifference or intolerance towards spiritual principles, its that i have different spiritual principles, entirely, and i'm not going to change them at the drop of a hat. we arent suppose to discriminate on the basis of religion or lack of religion, right?
so that its clear, the program for me is NOT a spritual program. its a prescription for arresting the disease of addiciton, like a medicine. i have books on spirituality, yoga, shamanism, paganism, astrology, summoning spirits, twin souls, metaphysics, etc. and i will look to those for my spiritual guidance, not the basic text of NA. it is not my bible.
if you look at the lives of the writers of the basic text vs. the lives of the writers of a book on the metaphysics of yoga, who would you think has more knowledge about spirituality? half of the lives of the NA/AA founders were centered in drinking and drugging. therefore i think the Swami who has practiced bhakti yoga his whole life will have the knolwedge i need to know, not the person who thinks there are 12 discrete steps to "spiritual awakening"
got it?
in response to "Could be that you expected more than freedom from active addiction? a magical cureall?"
"i would rather start my own spiritual program."
in response to: "Is that possible?"
in response to: "Is that possible?"
so, i do think that my new involvement in NA and the "we" is truly what will help me overcome my hard times in the future. the power of one addict helping another addict, is as they say, "without parallel". i do believe this, and that is how the fellowship of NA compliments the text, for me.
yet, the spiritual part is within me, as well as within everyone. The "we" and "God" and everything outside of me is not the spiritual part of the program to me. to me, the program is like my prescription for my disease, its not my religion or creed! i have met people with much wisdom in the program, and i have met fools. i've stopped seeking outside of myself for god. the wise can understand this, the fools don't. it's not neccessary!
anyway, you see, i'm going to have huge problems again, with the first three steps, and all of the ones that have a higher power in them. i've always got hung up on these ones.
its not that i have an indifference or intolerance towards spiritual principles, its that i have different spiritual principles, entirely, and i'm not going to change them at the drop of a hat. we arent suppose to discriminate on the basis of religion or lack of religion, right?
so that its clear, the program for me is NOT a spritual program. its a prescription for arresting the disease of addiciton, like a medicine. i have books on spirituality, yoga, shamanism, paganism, astrology, summoning spirits, twin souls, metaphysics, etc. and i will look to those for my spiritual guidance, not the basic text of NA. it is not my bible.
if you look at the lives of the writers of the basic text vs. the lives of the writers of a book on the metaphysics of yoga, who would you think has more knowledge about spirituality? half of the lives of the NA/AA founders were centered in drinking and drugging. therefore i think the Swami who has practiced bhakti yoga his whole life will have the knolwedge i need to know, not the person who thinks there are 12 discrete steps to "spiritual awakening"
got it?
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