OCEANANGEL

Sometimes just not able to communicate...struggling with the saddness and fears. My daughter was in the "ward" for nearly 3 months...not really responding to all the meds...and they kept changing them...and so now she has been relocated to a residential placement and school...Oh man...has she been angry this past year. Destroys everything without warning....
Today was her first day at the school. Has anyone been in a residential placement? My daughter is 14...and has an Anxiety and OCD issue...
I am totally freaked out by the entire thing...it's like some weird dream...not how things really are...

best

I have visited as a worker, a time or two.
What I have always found... the people who work at such houses are dedicated and careing people. Find comfort that she is in a place that may help her and she is in a place that will keep her safe.

OCEANANGEL

Yes...I am very thankful...she was so angry and out of control...and we don't know what the trigger was...a divorce, highschool, PMS? She wanted to leave us...and wasn't going to stop until something really big happened...So for now...I stay on the outskirts, while she learns the routine. When I met the representative from the home...we sat and talked for 5 hours...on her own time...and they really understand.

pedagogue

Trust in their judgment, they have been there before. Don't disconnect from her (both emotionally and/or through communication). Listen to the advice of the rep. Typically the first couple weeks (or more) there is an emmersion process that requires no contact from the family. The child needs to adjust to her new environment before bringing in anything outside.

Sometimes it helps to write her letters about how you are feeling, etc. It may help down the road if/when she thinks you gave up on her or that you didn't care.

-p

shutterbug

I was thinking the exact same thing that Peda just said.
Try journaling about your feelings each day and try writing letters to her also. Both can be very helpful things for many reasons. The journaling will help you release some of your stress, anxieties and worries....it will let you just "let go" of a lot of that tension. And writing her letters will show her later what you were feeling and thinking while she was going through all of this. It will let her see "the other side" and realize that you always cared and just wanted the best for her. Also, much later, if she ever decides to embrace her own recovery and starts asking you questions about what she was really like during that time back when...you can hand her your own journals and it will give her a "real" look at how she affected others when she was out of control. I believe that will help tremendously for her to see that later on.

The only experience I have is that I personally have spent 2 brief stays in the hospital this past year and my teen-age cousin also went into the hospital for a week or two for suicide attempt. I only know of positive things from both mine and my cousin's experiences with these places. No they weren't the semi-permanent residential type facilities your daughter is in, but working in the mental health field is a very demanding career choice and most people, in my opinion, are very dedicated and that's why they stick it out.

I don't know if you're religious or not, but a favorite slogan of mine is "let go and let God." Your daughter is in the hands of others right now so just hand over your worry and stress and know that she is exactly where she needs to be right now and let God take care of the rest. One thing I also like to do is to pray over those who are the ones doing the treating. It is out of your hands right now, so it's time to take care of yourself. Take this time to re-group and replenish yourself.

Hugs and prayers,
Jenna

and ((((welcome))) to SR!

pedagogue

karma is on the money.

-p

shutterbug

I second that motion

OCEANANGEL

Hello again...the mom is back...I've spent the last few weeks working on all of the paperwork necessary for my daughter's placement, insurance issues and turning over what I could find of her clothing. She was really into destroying her belongings and sneaking her clothing into the trash...even at the hospital. As I was fired from my last job at the end of Oct due to the medical bill issue that my employer of 10 years didn't want to pay...I have been scrambling with the fortunate task of a new job, the county mental health dept, Kaiser, and now...Medi-cal. We lost all of our insurance right when my daughter was about to go to the residential....and everything was a disaster. I would really like to thank those of you who responded. Your support means a lot. Dealing with her depression was bringing on some symptoms on my end as well. Her diagnosis is now "Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety...and OCD. Previous meds were causing serious weight gain and so the new doc said he would prefer to change her meds to only Seroquel. None of the others was having any effect that was measurable. I am not ashamed to have asked for and accepted help with her situation. She was highly volitile, destructive and could not control her emotions at all. It was dangerous for all of us. I am thankful that she is safe now...and attending the school setup offered there. The staff has been very understanding and we know that this is the best setting for her right now. I lost most of my "friends" when she got sick...it was really scary. I was accused of throwing my child away and all sorts of things. Some people just don't get it. I learn something new by reading posts by other people who are living with similar illnesses...and I wonder when or if my daughter will be mature enough to understand that it is a disease and that we just want to help her gain some control and stability so that she can focus on things that make life a fun place to hang out. She is pretty decent with a paint brush and I used to suggest she paint things around the house. We have a variety of murals and accent flowers around the house...as those were the days when she was feeling happy and had too much energy. I still feel she is bipolar to some degree...but the doctor may not be ready to state it...because of her young age. If I didn't have to live with all of the rules...I would take her to a mountaintop, build a sprawling tree house and live carefree until we all felt better. Who knows...I'm sure it's still an option. Sleep well...and thank you...Love, mom.

pedagogue

Thank you for sharing. It sounds like she is where she needs to be. Take some time for yourself now. Before you know it, you'll be able to look back and see how far you come. That reflection will be its own reward.

-p