Carchick4life

I did heroin for the first time the other night. Did too much of it, and was forced to go to the hospital. Well now I have to see a shrink and could be very easily forced in to rehab. I’ve promised the three people I care about most in my life, actually the only people I care about that I won’t do it again. That I’m done with drugs. I promised myself that heroin would be a one time things, just once, not again. But the high it gives you is so nice. You feel COMPLETELY detached from EVERYTHING. You don’t feel anything…its really nice. Coming down is no fun, but coming down is never any fun. But I find myself wanting to do it again, almost needing to. The guy I get the **** from is a friend of mine, and he is refusing to sell my anymore after orders from my ‘big brother’ who said if he sold me anything, then he would turn him into the cops. So he can’t sell my anything. And he used to give it to me for free. So of coarse getting it will be harder. I make about 100 bucks a day or so depending on how many hours I work. But that money is used to pay the bills/food/rent etc. Basically it’s used to support my family because my parents don’t feel the need to get jobs because there sixteen year old daughter can do it. I don’t have any money to spare, nor any leverage to get in trouble but I really want to do heroin again. Or even coke. I kicked coke addiction last year…and I don’t want to go through that process again. Nor do I want to go through the hell of quitting heroin. But I feel like I need to do something…not even want to. Like actually ligit need to.

Chy

Nope, nope, nope, you keep trying to convince yourself you need it but that's the addiction talking to you, who is stronger? Who matters more? You need to stop those thoughts the moment they start, get your mind on something else, something that will keep it busy, writing, puzzles, clay work, anything that can keep your hands and mind working together to fight off the cravings. Sitting there thinking this hard is going to lead you right where you just said you'll never go again.

angelgirl

Chy said it all, very good...

Glad to have you here at SR. I hope you stay around, and keep posting.
I think you know that it is a bad idea, because you're here. You know it was tough to kick coke last year, but kicking H. is much harder. Just don't do it, don't mess up the rest of your life...

Sorry to hear about you supporting your family. this is a messed up world, and it's tough on kids and people today. Just hang in there, you sound like a really smart girl, you can get through this.. Love, Becky