Nope, nope, nope, you keep trying to convince yourself you need it but that's the addiction talking to you, who is stronger? Who matters more? You need to stop those thoughts the moment they start, get your mind on something else, something that will keep it busy, writing, puzzles, clay work, anything that can keep your hands and mind working together to fight off the cravings. Sitting there thinking this hard is going to lead you right where you just said you'll never go again.