Richey

Okay, I didn't use for a day but this morning i had a massive freaky nose bleed thing ...it wasn't quit blood although there was blood in it...it was brown and thicker than blood and at the end it was almost stringy and i had to pull it out with my hands (yeah, gross)...so...is that a nosebleed or something freaky like my insides falling out? @_@
In the end it looked like a giant splat shape of brown phlegm with blood streaks (it made me physically gag!)
Is it something to worry about because I AM quite worried but I'm not sure whether it's worry-worthy. It didn't hurt at the time but now the straws sting the inside of my nose like hell even if they only lightly touch it and i have a shrap pain in my right sinus that makes my eye water and me sneeze (which makes it hurt more)...it's a tiny sharp pain like a pin ***** :/

Oh yeah...and if you wanna lecture me I already know it's obviously not healthy and stopping using would help... but it's not that easy and you guys jusy saying it isn't gonna make me stop.

Evanna

Richey...i dont know...may be nothing, may be something. Best go talk to a doctor about it if you are concerned.

roadie58

I get that all the time, it's like scab tissue from your sinuses from using too much. After about 30 days off, it pretty much heals up. If you use for like a couple weeks straight, your membranes get so ulcerated that you can't hardly get a buzz anymore. Try not to blow your nose real hard to dislodge them, cause it'll hurt like hell. Occasionally I'll have one fall down in my throat, talk about gagging!

Richey

Whoa freaky, I had that happen last night and you're right about the gagging!
Big binge yesterday and now I can'y stop gagging and puking...wtf is up with that? It feels like i have a bone stuck in throat :/

EDIT: So is there anything i can do about it except for use less? I can't blow my nose anyway because one side is too stuffed up and it makes my tear duct 'pop' when I try...and I'm worried about the force pushing all this infected gunk into my ears...I had an ear infection not long ago and it was so bad I couldn't stand!

roadie58

Richey, sounds like we might have a lot in common, except you're too young and I'm too old to be putting our bodies and minds through this nightmare. Can you work with me? Try to stop just for today, okay- don't use today. Then we'll chat again tomorrow morning. okay? Try to drink a lot of water and get some sleep. Eat something good for you even if you have to force it down. What kind of physical condition are you in?

Richey

I had an oatmeal cookie and some coffee...lol...I'm poor and sick...I'm not gonna eat well. The only way I think I'm going to get some sleep is if I dould or triple up on my valium :/ but I'm still freaked if I go to sleep I'll choke and die...

gpashtun

That crap coming out of your nose is probably caused by whatever the coke is cut with. Cocaine is water soluble, but most of the sh*t they use to cut it with is not. It builds up inside your sinuses and causes all the lacerations inside your nose. Not good.

I used cocaine for about ten years although I've been off of it now (except for a dozen or so episodes) for the past twelve years. My nose was so damaged that I resorted to smoking it for a long time until the cocaine psycosis kicked in and I started seeing shadows and hearing voices all the time.

How long and how much have you been using?

Richey

Been using for a couple of years recreationally (couple of times a month) but ...semi regularly for 6 months (2 or 3 times a week) and almost daily for 4 months...now it's as often as i have the money for it...8 ball lasts me about 3 days unless I'm on a big binge...which isn't *too* often...

roadie58

I got to the point where I could snort an 8 ball just about every day. Talk about psychosis- I was paranoid, had foil on the windows, wouldn't answer the phone. When the freezer ice-maker dumped the cubes, I thought I'd have a heart attack I was so jumpy. WOuld sweat just pure water in buckets. I literally would soak the sheets at night I sweat so much.

Richey- what do you do for money, sounds like you're maybe just barely taking care of yourself. Do you have okay place to live and food to eat?

Richey

I'm jumpy but not quite psychotic...but when someone knocks on the door instead of ringing the bell I nearly vomit from the shock.
I'm not paranois but I DO know certain people are monitoring what I type AND monitoring the phone lines...my father used to work for the british ministry of defence and he's told me all about it.

What do I do for money? Just about anything! Apart from pan-handling, welfare, and robbing up places...I'm a sex worker...street sex worker. That's usually why you don't see me on here in the early evening :/
I can earn enough to take care of myself when I'm well enough to work...but that's getting less and less often. I puked all over this guy's seat last week and he just kept hitting me around the head over and over.
I have a place to live now. I had a big absence here because I got evicted for threatning the woman next door while high... more specifically threatning to gut her and strangle her with her own intestines :/ I'd never actually DO anything violent...but I'm pretty angry and verbal when drunk or on coke...or both.
Now I'm on welfare and just moved into a new place...it's a tiny appartment with 3 rooms but it's FREE thanks to my sympathic social worker. I wont get kicked out of this one because no one lives oppiste me and the guy below is a bigger a-hole than I could ever be. He's STILL playing his f*cking music and it's 1:30am!!!

roadie58

Pretty tough lifestyle there Richey. To avoid killing your neighbor, try putting earplugs in and/or running a fan when you lie down tonight. Got to get rid of that noise if you're to sleep. Did you drink any water today? When doing coke you can get dehydrated pretty easily. Water will help your body heal.

FaeryQueen

Hey Richey,
Your posts freak me out sometimes, but I can't help reading them. Is that wierd? You are so graphic and....well..descriptive??! You should write a book about your life, when you get sober and tuned in to the all creative source.
I am sending some good vibes your way. I hope you get sober because I think you are very intelligent and talented, but your addiction isn't letting you turn your gifts into anything productive.
Peace be to you
Tanya

I worked in the operating room for 8 years. The stringy thing sounds like a clot. When blood trickles out slowly over time, it tends to form a blood clot, which turns brown after a few days. You are not going to bleed to death...just a nuisance.

Richey

I've had some coffee but I guess that's not so good for hydrating...I'll drink something (not alcohol!) in a bit...
I wont kill my neighbour...I feel too sick to start a fight...but I've stopped shaking now! wow...i only just realised that...yay!

Richey

Sorry if I'm a bit gross...yeah I was an english major...I can't help but be descriptive...although I use crappy punctuation like elipsis far too often o_O
Coke makes me more creative...I've written my best essays and painted my best picture whilst high...I feel stagnant and drain when sober or hungover :/

FaeryQueen

I thought my art was better when I was high. I thought that because I could stifle my thinking mind while high, that I was more creative..that "my right brain" functioned better while high....this turned out to be horse-**** (as we say in Texas). Although my work while high was good, it was very dark and putrid. I don't like to use labels like good/bad...for me they are just opposites of the same spectrum. I guess that is why I am intrigued by your posts from the dark side. Anyway my art has reached a new level since I have gotten "tuned in" and my body is clean and coursing with pure creative energy.
Don't believe the "Big Lie" of the disease, which is, you can't make it without me or I make you what u want to be....That is ******** my friend. My life is a prime example.

Richey

I liked my dark work...I think people need something that speaks of the dark side so they can experience it without screwing up their own lives to get there!
Part of me does worry I wont be able to write or produce art when sober because I rarely do...those few months a while back I was clean (except for very light coke use) I never put penbrushinkanything to paper... it was depressing to feel so empty...I don't want to be hollow again

roadie58

As an artist, I find that although you think you're doing your best work while loaded, in retrospect it isn't that way at all. Like members of the band Pink Floyd have said in interviews: It's not like we're high every time onstage, but it has helped us to free our minds in the past to create this music. (paraphrasing very badly I'm afraid).

you are what you are, you create only what you have in you.

Richey

What about syd barrett (can't spell)...he made some interesting stuff and was completely utterly out-of-it the whole time.
although he ended up in a pretty sorry state...

FaeryQueen

I have found that the steps have freed my mind. I am utterly connected to something greater than me that feeds my artistic mind. Sometimes I am so flooded with images and words that I cannot get it all out in time before I lose it. I think the steps "cleared" out all the garbage I was carrying around and literally "freed my mind" from the "bondage of self". Geez you guys probably think I'm high!

michski

I did some fantastic art while using cocaine! I loved it and it truly took my mind and my hands into realms I wouldn't have ever thought about. Here's the trouble, it stopped working it's magic and reduced me into a paranoid pile of **** incapable of any sort of my former brilliance.. It was a major disappointment as well as a fierce money trap. I eventually quit using coke but replaced it with booze, vicodin and an occasional blast of meth. I didn't realize I was switching seats on The Titanic. I used cocaine pretty much all through the 80's. I am 55 now and have severe sinus problems. I also experienced the blood and other yuck described.. I need to use a steroid nasal spray to be able to breathe thru my nose each morning and my lungs also got pretty messed up enhaling the stuff for so many years. So, I hope when you're my age all the damage you're doing to your body now will seem worth it then. Sure doesn't seem worth it to me now.