wish4someday

Long, long, long story short. . . my husband has been drinking heavily for the past 5 years. Just in the past year or so, it has gotten extreme where he gets drunk round the clock if he's not working (from what I know). His drinking never interrupted his work. . . until 3 weeks ago. Three weeks ago, he just stopped going to work, stopped getting out of bed unless it was to get alcohol and stopped eating. Obviously he got fired. A miracle happened and he decided one day that he wanted to stop drinking but he would do it on his own. It lasted for 4 days. He went into another 2 week binge and finally suggested that he needed to go to the hospital to detox after going through 2 days of bad withdrawal symptoms. This was on Monday night around midnight.

Monday night around midnight was hopefully the end of his drinking binges. He was released from the hospital today (Friday) around noon. I continue to pray to God that this continues but now I struggle with trying to live with him like this. I learned how to live with him drinking but now I don't know to live with him sober and recovering. I asked him what he thought he was going to next and all he could do was yell at me for always nagging him. I've found him very short with me, very irritable, very accusing, very paranoid and like I have to walk on pins and needles so I don't set him off. I do understand he's been through a lot. I just don't know how to handle this type of behavior. I try to be supportive but he takes it as nagging. He won't go to marriage counseling with me and I feel my hands are tied.

Does anyone have any advice?

angelgirl

Hi there, I al sorry to hear all you are going through. Did you post on the friends and family of alcoholics? they can help you more than we can. See, we have had the same problem as your husband, so we relate so much more to him, and his problems.
I can tell you that, I don't know if you have any children, but your FIRST priority is YOU, and of course your kids if you have any.
Your husband IS going through alot right now, and WILL need alot of help. He needs to seek out other recovering alcoholics, like throught the AA or NA programs. Is he seeking any type of medical treatment, I mean other than detox? A treatment center is a VERY good first step for him. They can show him the way to a new beginning, and then AA or NA can take over after that. He MUST be willing to do this. YOU can not make him do it, and no matter how much you love him, and want what's best for him, he needs to do this himself. You can not decide anything FOR him.
PLEASE get yourself some help. There should be a local AL ANON meeting somewhere near you, and I CAN tell you that the BEST THING you can do for yourself is to GO to a meeting. They will support YOU. They will help you through this, as you will find you need probably near as much help as your husband does, you will need to learn to live with a new husband. Things will probably change alot in your life, if he finds recovery.
God Bless you, your husband will need your support. He is just beginning a new and MUCH better life, for both of you.... Please seek help for yourself, adn your children if you have any. Life will get SO much better.
God Bless, Love, Becky
Please check out the forum for family of alcoholics

Don W

Sorry to hear your difficulties. It doesn't make it easier to put up with but, withdrawal makes us not very fun to be around. I'd suggest you get help for yourself. He needs to deal with what he has to and you what you have to. You don't have to be a punching bag or abused verbably. Most of all you need to keep yourself and any children safe.
This is very difficult but, this includes either him or you being removed. No fault of your but, you and others become enablers. The longer he can depend on your help to drink the longer he will take to deal with it. He needs help also. There is more than just not drinking. There must be change. I know some people in AA that have not drank for years and not nice people. He might need more than just a detox. Myself a 30 day program helped. Also, has the doctor got involved. These days there is help for withdrawal. Some still think so but, you don't have to white knuckle it these days.
It is hard for everyone but, when there are partners or spouses involved it adds a different spin to things. The bottom line is he is still not himself. You might not even really know the real him. Chances are he is in same boat. Thank God, today I am a different person and my wife and I have been able to grow. However, the big mistake was her think if I got better she would get better. Although not impossible in most cases this won't happen. Like with my first wife, when I got sober back then. We found we really didn't like each other. She was used to making decisions and family planning. All of a sudden, this guy, m, wanted to help with kids school, the checkbook etc. Like I said learn as much as you can. Knowlage will offset the lies we give. I'm sad to say this but, truth is. That when drinking I was a lier, and cheat, a thief. There wasn't anybody's money safe. My wife had to sleep with her pocketbook. Don W

wish4someday

Thank you all for your comments. It really helps to hear what he may be going through since he won't tell me. I really, really want us both to get through this (and our daughter) and I know it will be a long haul. My challenge right now is that I've gone into a world that I've never been in. He's never attempted to get sober before and I'm not sure how to interact with him.

I've posted to the family/friends site. Thank you for your kind words. Please keep us in your prayers.

Thank you.