Am I alone?
Stuck in the past
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3
Am I alone?
I have been married to an AH for 15 years. And have been seperated for one and a half.
There is a very good friend in my life, but it has been 3 1/2 months since I've seen my friend. I miss him so much. My heart aches. I want to be with him but I know I have to resolve the issues in my marriage firstand I have to fix what damage was done to myself in the process. I want to come home to him, wake up to him, I want a life with him.
He has awaken me from a horrible nightmare. I don't know what to do.
Has anyone else been here? Longing so bad to be with someone and you can't because you're married to someone who cares more about themselves than you and your family?
There is a very good friend in my life, but it has been 3 1/2 months since I've seen my friend. I miss him so much. My heart aches. I want to be with him but I know I have to resolve the issues in my marriage firstand I have to fix what damage was done to myself in the process. I want to come home to him, wake up to him, I want a life with him.
He has awaken me from a horrible nightmare. I don't know what to do.
Has anyone else been here? Longing so bad to be with someone and you can't because you're married to someone who cares more about themselves than you and your family?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Anaheim,CA
Posts: 549
Slow down, slow down, slow down!
I have two men in my life. One, the ABF, I have asked to leave and while he has agreed, he has not done so.
Then, I met someone who is quite nice. We'd gone to the movies, we've had coffee, we talk. He has reminded me what it's like to be treated nicely and it's been wonderful! If you poke around this site you'll see some posts about it.
HOWEVER that's IT. NO sex...I've only kissed him on the cheek. And that's the way it needs to be.
One, the ABF is still here. One must end one relationship before you can truly begin another. Two, I need some time. WHO am I? WHAT do I really want? Jumping from one to another with no getting-aquainted-with-me time in between sounds foolish to me. I don't need a man, so I need to figure out exactly what I want --what will enrich my life?
My new friend is quite special. He knows how I feel. And he knows that I do believe time will help us both. A decision made in haste is often repented at our leisure...
You said Nice guy. Now that you're awake, why not take the time to really look around your world and take the time to find out exactly what will make it a better place?
Stick around...
I have two men in my life. One, the ABF, I have asked to leave and while he has agreed, he has not done so.
Then, I met someone who is quite nice. We'd gone to the movies, we've had coffee, we talk. He has reminded me what it's like to be treated nicely and it's been wonderful! If you poke around this site you'll see some posts about it.
HOWEVER that's IT. NO sex...I've only kissed him on the cheek. And that's the way it needs to be.
One, the ABF is still here. One must end one relationship before you can truly begin another. Two, I need some time. WHO am I? WHAT do I really want? Jumping from one to another with no getting-aquainted-with-me time in between sounds foolish to me. I don't need a man, so I need to figure out exactly what I want --what will enrich my life?
My new friend is quite special. He knows how I feel. And he knows that I do believe time will help us both. A decision made in haste is often repented at our leisure...
You said
He has awaken me from a horrible nightmare.
Stick around...
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
I learned in my recovery that if you DON'T resolve your issues and learn about your true self, you will end up with the same guy in different skin. And it will continue to happen that way.
I wont' give you advise, but I WILL share my experience, strength and hope:
The dandy little fixer upper? The guy I had a brief affair with while married, and ultimately married later? The one who said all the right things and paid lots of attention to me? Swept me off my feet? He turned out to be not that different from my first husband. He seemed that way at first, but he was controlling, manipulative, insecure and verbally and emotionally abusive.... just like the first. It took time for that to all be revelealed... but it did.
I am learning about ME now.... working hard on my recovery. I want to end up in a place where that kind of person is NOT attracted to me, nor am I attracted to them.
Just my 2 cents worth. If there is some big urgency for you to go and be with this guy... it's probably the wrong thing. If he's the right one for you he'll still be there after you resolve what needs to be resolved. At least that's how I view my relationships now.
Hugs and love
Barb
I wont' give you advise, but I WILL share my experience, strength and hope:
The dandy little fixer upper? The guy I had a brief affair with while married, and ultimately married later? The one who said all the right things and paid lots of attention to me? Swept me off my feet? He turned out to be not that different from my first husband. He seemed that way at first, but he was controlling, manipulative, insecure and verbally and emotionally abusive.... just like the first. It took time for that to all be revelealed... but it did.
I am learning about ME now.... working hard on my recovery. I want to end up in a place where that kind of person is NOT attracted to me, nor am I attracted to them.
Just my 2 cents worth. If there is some big urgency for you to go and be with this guy... it's probably the wrong thing. If he's the right one for you he'll still be there after you resolve what needs to be resolved. At least that's how I view my relationships now.
Hugs and love
Barb
Last edited by osier59; 03-16-2005 at 08:56 PM. Reason: hit "enter" too soon
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
One, the ABF is still here. One must end one relationship before you can truly begin another. Two, I need some time. WHO am I? WHAT do I really want? Jumping from one to another with no getting-aquainted-with-me time in between sounds foolish to me. I don't need a man, so I need to figure out exactly what I want --what will enrich my life?
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