Vadeekie

I am ex-Forces (UK) in which drinking was considered a sport. I left around 10 years ago and find that whilst missing the forces immensely, I use alcohol as a crutch. The classic 'things are a bit ****, drink, feel guilty for drinking, things are ****, drink some more' situation.

I have made quite a successful career post Army, but through personal turmoil (failed relationship etc), I find myself leaning on alcohol more.

I work from home. I don't find my job too taxing and, at the moment, often drink in the day out of boredom, frustration about my current situation (ex still lives with me), and because I'm not in a great place.

I feel sad as I wasn't always like this. But at the moment, I'm pretty much at the bottom of a hole I can't seem to climb out of.

I'd just like someone to talk to really. I don't want to quit completely, just get it under control - weekends say - and would like someone, somewhere to reach out to when I'm feeling weak. (Which at the moment is everyday!)

Hevyn

Welcome Vadeekie - We're so glad to have you with us.

When I first came to SR years ago I didn't really intend to quit forever - I had been drinking for many years & didn't see how I could let go of it. Yet I had tried many times to get it under control - to only have 'a few' once in a while. It just was not possible for me. Every time it was in my system unpredictable things happened. I'd always drink more than I intended. Reading & posting here helped me realize what needed to happen. Stopping all together was the only way for me - because I'd had so many failed attempts at moderating.

I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what drinking is doing to your life. I hope you'll find it helpful to talk things over here - with people who understand.

SoberLeigh

Welcome, Vadeekie, to SR.

I had many, many failed attempts at moderation; those attempts only served to make me more desperate and miserable.

Dedication to complete sobriety and recovery has served me very well; the decision to become sober was one of the best of my life.

brighterday1234

I couldn’t have a happy, successful life with alcohol involved. I either have alcohol and am miserable or have no alcohol and thus a life I love. The two are mutually exclusive.
I’m an alcoholic and total abstinence was and is the solution for me 🙏

DriGuy

Moderation did not work for me. I spent many years trying to moderate, while my addiction kept getting stronger. If you have a bigger problem now after moderating for years, there's a good chance you are an alcoholic. If you aren't an alcoholic and you have trouble moderating, you still have a problem, although I'm no sure what it's called.

fishkiller

Moderation is torture to me. Just thinking about not being able to drink until a certain time would make me miserable.
For me it is all or nothing.
I wasted decades of my life trying to control alcohol. If you need to control something you've already lost control.
I finally chose nothing and ain't looking back.
Life is much better without the booze for me period.

Dee74

Hi Vadeekie and welcome

Most of us have tried the only drinking at weekends thing - unfortunately I'd binge drink so much Friday to Sunday I usually had to drink Monday morning just to function....

I've also tried alternating with glasses of water, drinking something alcoholic but that I hated, drinking NA stuff...I'd always go back to my poison of choice, beer and my volume of choice 'never enough'.

I often said 'if only I hadn't had that last drink'.

The thing I learned eventually was it's not the last drink that gets me, its the first.
I stopped that first drink and my life and myself are immeasurably better for it.

All the things I worried about before quitting - will I still have friends, will I still have a social life, etc - sorted themselves out.

I have a better social life than I had before because I'm not passing out and having to be poured into a taxi by my mates every Friday and Saturday night.

I no longer look myself in the face in the mirror in the morning with disgust.

My health - both mental and physical - is better too.

I don't regret my decision at all, ever.

D

Anna

Welcome, and I'm glad you found us.

As others have said, moderating doesn't work for alcoholics, and I found it exhausting - all the thinking and planning. It really is far easier to quit for good and move on to a sober life. You'd be surprised. Anyways, hang around and read and post whenever you like.

least

Welcome to the family! I once thought I could just "cut down", but found myself drinking more and more. I found out the hard way that abstinence is the only way for me to go, and be happy with my life.

Read around the forum to hear our stories of how we got sober for good.

DriGuy

It's been said repeatedly that life is better after you quit for good. I want to underscore that, because it's not easy to understand while you're drinking. How can life be better when you give up such a big part of your life? You are already questioning whether this big part of your life is all that good, so you have half the understanding of why it might be true. The other half, the positive benefits, you may be able to imagine, but you have no actual experience with it, so it lingers out there like a myth. You won't know until you get there. All you have right now is our word for it. This is something you can only experience on your own. All we can do is be as honest with you as we can, but we do know something about the ways to get there.

FreeOwl

welcome V.

I’m also former army (US), have spent a fair bit of time in the UK amongst Brit friends and colleagues over the years, so I’m familiar with the ingrained drink culture.

I’ve been where you are and well beyond.

I’m glad you’re here.

You’ve found a good place with good people who understand.

hang around, read old posts, ask questions, share.

there is a solution.

If any part of you wants a life of joy, of presence, of fulfillment and Love and beauty…. And are willing to do what it takes to have that, then you’re already on your way.

Hodd

Hi Vadeekie, there’s quite a few of us UK gang here. You might not like this, but from what you’ve said, I’m pretty sure you’ve become dependent I’m sorry to say. The brain chemistry of a long-term/heavy drinker gets irreversibly altered over time, and we become effectively programmed to drink. I haven’t drunk for over four years, many SR gang are a decade or more sober, but we’d all run into problems or relapse if we took that “one” drink. It took a lot of soul searching and experimenting with so-called moderation to reach that conclusion. I even looked at research papers to try and find moderation “success” stories. There were none out there. They all relapsed. Give it some serious thought. It’s truly terrible to be controlled by alcohol, and the only way out of that is to stop for good. Believe me, I didn’t want to do that either, but I came to realise it was the only way. It was also, surprisingly, the easiest way plus I got my life back. Take it easy for now, and let us know how you get on 🙂

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!