Welcome Vadeekie - We're so glad to have you with us.
When I first came to SR years ago I didn't really intend to quit forever - I had been drinking for many years & didn't see how I could let go of it. Yet I had tried many times to get it under control - to only have 'a few' once in a while. It just was not possible for me. Every time it was in my system unpredictable things happened. I'd always drink more than I intended. Reading & posting here helped me realize what needed to happen. Stopping all together was the only way for me - because I'd had so many failed attempts at moderating.
I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what drinking is doing to your life. I hope you'll find it helpful to talk things over here - with people who understand.