Long term effects of heroin?
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Long term effects of heroin?
My boyfriend has some characteristics that I now see as not normal. I wonder if they are long term effects of heroin use. I don't really know anything about drugs and addiction.
He doesn't remember dreams (he often mutters violent threats in his sleep). He claims he cannot remember abusive things he's said and done. I have seen him drunk, and he has among other things wrecked my car which he does not remember. He has grandiose ideas about himself, such as that he works harder than everyone else or can do whatever he wants, or knows what everyone is thinking (I can assure you he is terrible at understanding others). He has this long, grand plan about us being happy someday which he genuinely seems to think excuses him from being present today (that's my job). If things don't go his way he punches holes in my walls, has broken doorframes, smashed lamps. He thinks this is ok because he works so hard. All if this is done sober (except my car) he is 6 years sober with two years in a methadone clinic before that. He weaned himself off methadone when I met him and hasn't done heroin since. He has done psychedelics and I believe cocaine behind my back as well as heavy drinking. I got pregnant last year and as far as I know he hasn't done anything since then but is still exhibiting those odd behaviors, and he just tells me I'm crazy. He won't let me leave the house or go back to work, because it's an "unnecessary risk". He freaked out because the baby scratched his own face, being as how babies have long nails, punched s hole in the wall again, and he says he can't trust me to do anything. He is very aggressive and seems paranoid. Is it from the heroin use all that time ago, or is he just a jerk.
He doesn't remember dreams (he often mutters violent threats in his sleep). He claims he cannot remember abusive things he's said and done. I have seen him drunk, and he has among other things wrecked my car which he does not remember. He has grandiose ideas about himself, such as that he works harder than everyone else or can do whatever he wants, or knows what everyone is thinking (I can assure you he is terrible at understanding others). He has this long, grand plan about us being happy someday which he genuinely seems to think excuses him from being present today (that's my job). If things don't go his way he punches holes in my walls, has broken doorframes, smashed lamps. He thinks this is ok because he works so hard. All if this is done sober (except my car) he is 6 years sober with two years in a methadone clinic before that. He weaned himself off methadone when I met him and hasn't done heroin since. He has done psychedelics and I believe cocaine behind my back as well as heavy drinking. I got pregnant last year and as far as I know he hasn't done anything since then but is still exhibiting those odd behaviors, and he just tells me I'm crazy. He won't let me leave the house or go back to work, because it's an "unnecessary risk". He freaked out because the baby scratched his own face, being as how babies have long nails, punched s hole in the wall again, and he says he can't trust me to do anything. He is very aggressive and seems paranoid. Is it from the heroin use all that time ago, or is he just a jerk.
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He's violent, aggressive, mean, intolerant, controlling and just generally abusive.
Does it really matter why? These are dealbreakers. I hope you reach out for support from a domestic violence support group who can help you untangle yourself and your child from this abusive person. Please make a call today, they will help you. You and your child deserve a safe life away from him.
Does it really matter why? These are dealbreakers. I hope you reach out for support from a domestic violence support group who can help you untangle yourself and your child from this abusive person. Please make a call today, they will help you. You and your child deserve a safe life away from him.
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It's not like this is all he does, perhaps I made him out to sound terrible. He used to be a lot worse, and it's not like he's locking me in the house, it's just that nobody argues with him and he always gets his way because it's so stressful to try to work things out with him. It's not so easy to just walk out; he insists he loves us and anyway nobody knows that he does these things, I don't tell anyone and I've been with him for years without saying anything. I just want to know if it's the effect of the drugs and what I can do to help him unlearn these things before the baby is old enough to see it.
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I would have to agree with biminiblue, he sounds like an aggressive, controlling bully.
My son, who is the addict in my life, also displays these behaviours, and it has nothing to do with heroin use. He thinks by behaving this way, it will get him his own way, with EVERYTHING!
This is not normal ways to behave, especially around babies.
Take care of you and your little one
Much Love
Bute x
My son, who is the addict in my life, also displays these behaviours, and it has nothing to do with heroin use. He thinks by behaving this way, it will get him his own way, with EVERYTHING!
This is not normal ways to behave, especially around babies.
Take care of you and your little one
Much Love
Bute x
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Originally Posted by Swedishchef 
It's not like this is all he does, perhaps I made him out to sound terrible. He used to be a lot worse, and it's not like he's locking me in the house, it's just that nobody argues with him and he always gets his way because it's so stressful to try to work things out with him. It's not so easy to just walk out; he insists he loves us and anyway nobody knows that he does these things, I don't tell anyone and I've been with him for years without saying anything. I just want to know if it's the effect of the drugs and what I can do to help him unlearn these things before the baby is old enough to see it.
You cannot "help" him. He doesn't have a problem with the way he is - it works for him. Why would he unlearn something that works in his favor?
Love is not about instilling fear in everyone in order to get your way. That's tyranny.
If it's drugs, or if it's just the way he is, you cannot change him. Stop trying to figure out why and find a way out.
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I know women in danger of their lives, this is just obnoxious behavior. He used to stop me from taking showers and pat me on the head and call me a good girl and there had to be a huge fight about it but he doesn't anymore, once he sees something is ridiculous he stops but it's exhausting. He is very likeable, he has a small business and is liked in the community but I am a homebody and there is no one to back me up over what is relatively minor problems. He thinks he can take the kid and I am just trying to maintain a balance but I didn't know if it was something he could get help for so I wanted to know if it was drug based or mental before I started looking for some kind of help....
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Originally Posted by Swedishchef
I know women in danger of their lives, this is just obnoxious behavior. He used to stop me from taking showers and pat me on the head and call me a good girl and there had to be a huge fight about it but he doesn't anymore, once he sees something is ridiculous he stops but it's exhausting. He is very likeable, he has a small business and is liked in the community but I am a homebody and there is no one to back me up over what is relatively minor problems. He thinks he can take the kid and I am just trying to maintain a balance but I didn't know if it was something he could get help for so I wanted to know if it was drug based or mental before I started looking for some kind of help....
You mention he is "likeable" and liked in the community. Many abusers can seem lovely to the outside world, that's very common.
He is an addict who claims, to you, that he isn't drinking and doing other drugs now. Why, would you believe him?
Sometimes you need time away and outside perspective to see what is really going on. Abuse happens over time and you can almost "normalize" it and think, it's not that bad. This is bad, the situation you are in is bad. He doesn't need help, you do, he thinks he is doing just fine, you can't change him. You need support (lots for you here) and I really recommend calling your local domestic violence organization. They are there to help you, they can put you in touch with resources to help and talk you through all this.
He uses things to control you but you don't have to take that. If you can't do it for yourself (and I hope you can), I hope you will seek help because of your child. This is not something you want your child around I'm sure.
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If he is still drinking and using drugs, even if it’s not heroin, he’s not clean or sober. He’s still using. There’s a high likelihood there’s other things he’s still using as well.
Whether he’s a jerk because it’s his personality or because of drugs is honestly kind of a moot point. You can’t separate those two things, they are interrelated. This is who he is being, and it’s who he’s going to keep being.
What do you want for yourself? What kind of life would you like? What kind of relationship?
Whether he’s a jerk because it’s his personality or because of drugs is honestly kind of a moot point. You can’t separate those two things, they are interrelated. This is who he is being, and it’s who he’s going to keep being.
What do you want for yourself? What kind of life would you like? What kind of relationship?
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