Feeling Vulnerable
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,069
Feeling Vulnerable
My emotions are all over the place. Fluctuating between sad, even more sad and desperate. I know I can't drink, much as I want to. I am eating chocolate instead of meals and feel utterly unloved, unwanted and oh so lonely.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,354
Kaily, you ARE loved! Your presence here is such a gift to all of us!
It sucks to go through low spells,I’m sorry to hear you have been struggling for quite a while now.
Can you reach out to a therapist?
The most important person to you is you.
Ive learned that I MUST love myself to give me that peace I yearn for. It won’t come from the acquaintances I have, or family, or my spouse.
It sucks to go through low spells,I’m sorry to hear you have been struggling for quite a while now.
Can you reach out to a therapist?
The most important person to you is you.
Ive learned that I MUST love myself to give me that peace I yearn for. It won’t come from the acquaintances I have, or family, or my spouse.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,541
You are very much a. part of our SR family Kaily and I know a lots of people here care for you….I know Alfie and Daisy do as well 
We can all get low, but better days are always ahead. I really believe that.
D
We can all get low, but better days are always ahead. I really believe that.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,250
Today will pass Kaily and a new day will begin
tomorrow. As long as you don't drink today, then
you will be sober one more day. That is a huge
accomplishment for any of us.
SR has become a lifeline in recovery for many and
is full of many caring supportive folks so that no one
has to feel alone or go thru anything in life by themselves.
This too shall pass is a saying I learned in
early recovery and firmly believe in it because,
when i have a down day, i go to sleep and wake
up to a new day feeling refreshed to start a new
sober day.
Whatever had me down the day before passed
and I remained sober no matter what. A new day
of promises and blessings straight ahead, so hang
on tight to your sober recovery lifeline Kaily, because
we are with you.
tomorrow. As long as you don't drink today, then
you will be sober one more day. That is a huge
accomplishment for any of us.
SR has become a lifeline in recovery for many and
is full of many caring supportive folks so that no one
has to feel alone or go thru anything in life by themselves.
This too shall pass is a saying I learned in
early recovery and firmly believe in it because,
when i have a down day, i go to sleep and wake
up to a new day feeling refreshed to start a new
sober day.
Whatever had me down the day before passed
and I remained sober no matter what. A new day
of promises and blessings straight ahead, so hang
on tight to your sober recovery lifeline Kaily, because
we are with you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,069
Not great thanks Dee.
Struggling with the thought of spending Christmas day with my Dad. He hurts me in so many ways and doesn't even know it. I am begrudging buying nice stuff for him to eat as he is so mean.
I don't want to do it.
Struggling with the thought of spending Christmas day with my Dad. He hurts me in so many ways and doesn't even know it. I am begrudging buying nice stuff for him to eat as he is so mean.
I don't want to do it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,250
This is your recovery and this is your time to begin
healing and grow strong in your own life. Many of
us have been there with someone who has hurt us
and we drank or drugged over it, to numb those hurtful,
angry feelings.
No more is what we have had to stand up and say.
Right now, it is top priority to stay sober know matter
what, even if it mean drawing the line in the sand or
cutting ties with those people.
You need not feel guilty for doing this because this
is for you and not them.
I had to cut ties from a sick family parent that was
extremely cruel and abusive to me. One out of 4
siblings, and why it happened to me. Today, i know
in recovery and am learning that I didnt cause that
person to treat me so horribly and i was no responsible
for her behavior.
I cut ties from her so that I could heal, grow and become
strong for myself and achieve continued sobriety.
It's okay not to spend day with folks that hurt you. I like
many had to learn that.
If it will make you feel better, have some one drop your
gifts off so that there is no confrontation. If a reason is
asked why you won't be delivering or spending the holidays
with him, have an honest reason so that telling a lie wont
come back to bother you or having to make amends for
dishonesty.
The holidays can be spent in peace and serenity, calmness,
and not in fear or anger.
This is your time to shine and take control of your life and
be free from those who hurt you.
healing and grow strong in your own life. Many of
us have been there with someone who has hurt us
and we drank or drugged over it, to numb those hurtful,
angry feelings.
No more is what we have had to stand up and say.
Right now, it is top priority to stay sober know matter
what, even if it mean drawing the line in the sand or
cutting ties with those people.
You need not feel guilty for doing this because this
is for you and not them.
I had to cut ties from a sick family parent that was
extremely cruel and abusive to me. One out of 4
siblings, and why it happened to me. Today, i know
in recovery and am learning that I didnt cause that
person to treat me so horribly and i was no responsible
for her behavior.
I cut ties from her so that I could heal, grow and become
strong for myself and achieve continued sobriety.
It's okay not to spend day with folks that hurt you. I like
many had to learn that.
If it will make you feel better, have some one drop your
gifts off so that there is no confrontation. If a reason is
asked why you won't be delivering or spending the holidays
with him, have an honest reason so that telling a lie wont
come back to bother you or having to make amends for
dishonesty.
The holidays can be spent in peace and serenity, calmness,
and not in fear or anger.
This is your time to shine and take control of your life and
be free from those who hurt you.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,085
Originally Posted by aasharon90 
No more is what we have had to stand up and say.
The holidays are very hard for so many of us, and while I don't often feel that my recovery is threatened, I know that my emotions can be in for a beating. Sometimes I feel like we need a professional mediator at our family gatherings to deal with all the differing personalities. I am very much looking forward to spending time with family this coming weekend, but I'm rattled and saddened by the disrespect they sometimes display towards each other and me. It can be a good time for me to practice detachment, I have the ability to walk away and distance myself from the drama.
One day at a time, this too shall pass.
I'm sorry you're hurting, Kaily
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,354
A few years ago, I was in a toxic relationship with an ABF. I got help here and in therapy.
Here’s an enlightening story:
we were on the therapists couch. J was a very controlling partner (I’m still ashamed how manipulated I was, and at some level I knew it, but didn’t want to see it or the extent).
One little issue I brought up was that after I worked all day, scooted my kids around, drove 20 miles each way to stay (and pay exorbitant rent btw for half a bed and a space in the driveway), J said go ahead and put the coffee in and set it up to brew in the morning. I said no, I’m too tired, and it doesn’t take but a minute to do that in the morning. He screamed, said what a DISASTER that would be, told me how unorganized I was (mind you, he wasn’t working at all, except working on manipulating me).
I went ahead and set up,the coffee, as tired as I was, even when I didn’t want to.
My gripe to therapist was how he yelled and demeaned me. It was clear to me, he was the jerk.
Therapist said, and what was YOUR part in this?
Im thinking, WTF!?!?!.
I told therapist scenario again, then realized my part.
I MADE THE COFFEE ANYWAY. I WASNT TRUE TO MYSELF. I WASNT TAKING CARE OF MYSELF. I was only pleasing ABF, and in doing so let part of my soul go with it.
Please, know it’s ok to take care of yourself, it’s hard to break old patters, but you can do it. You’ll feel so much better.
Here’s an enlightening story:
we were on the therapists couch. J was a very controlling partner (I’m still ashamed how manipulated I was, and at some level I knew it, but didn’t want to see it or the extent).
One little issue I brought up was that after I worked all day, scooted my kids around, drove 20 miles each way to stay (and pay exorbitant rent btw for half a bed and a space in the driveway), J said go ahead and put the coffee in and set it up to brew in the morning. I said no, I’m too tired, and it doesn’t take but a minute to do that in the morning. He screamed, said what a DISASTER that would be, told me how unorganized I was (mind you, he wasn’t working at all, except working on manipulating me).
I went ahead and set up,the coffee, as tired as I was, even when I didn’t want to.
My gripe to therapist was how he yelled and demeaned me. It was clear to me, he was the jerk.
Therapist said, and what was YOUR part in this?
Im thinking, WTF!?!?!.
I told therapist scenario again, then realized my part.
I MADE THE COFFEE ANYWAY. I WASNT TRUE TO MYSELF. I WASNT TAKING CARE OF MYSELF. I was only pleasing ABF, and in doing so let part of my soul go with it.
Please, know it’s ok to take care of yourself, it’s hard to break old patters, but you can do it. You’ll feel so much better.
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