WindPines

Good morning all!
I thought I knew... everything. When I was in addictive addiction, I really did think that I knew so much. Turns out I don't (haha)
When you got sober, did you notice your unrealistic expectations for yourself? I've read that addicts are like athletes in that everything they do, they try to do to the extreme. Does that make sense? Example: I'm in a new position at work, and I expect myself to immediately understand all of the stuff on the computer's database system. I expect myself to understand that, AND be able to work with people perfectly. It's insane!

Anyhow, any experience in that department?
Thanks all! Hope you're having a good week!

Forwards

Oh yes, says he who started work at 4:00am this morning to 'get ahead of the day'. Prior to that there were the casual 2 Km swims, or marathon sessions writing software all night.

Going to have to watch myself - it's no use still 'Thinking like an addict'...

doggonecarl

I certainly find myself disappointed that I haven't mastered something immediately. For instance, I took a pottery class and struggled with the most basic process of centering the clay on the wheel. Is that because I'm an addict who is used to instant gratification? Or a product of generation who wants everything NOW.

Nonsensical

I need more patience, and I need it now!

ScottFromWI

Absolutely, the instant gratification nature of addiction was one of my primary unrealistic expectations. And it did not go away simply because I quit drinking! In truth, that's really one of the common themes of just about every recovery program - learning discipline, patience and acceptance of things as they are.

Mizz

From my own experience I have been extreme with everything in my life. I dont think this is because I had an active addiction. That is not the truth of the matter for myself.

I work on giving it my best at every single moment. I work on being satisfied with the results in all that I am doing. It takes time. I have to remember that it is okay if I dont get it the first time. Olympians did not become Olympians over night. Practice. Practice. PRACTICE! More .....practice. Go easy on you! You will conquer this learning curve.

Anna

I'm very impatient with myself if I struggle with something. Recently, I've been paying more attention to showing up for myself all the time. I'm not impatient with others, so I owe myself the same treatment.

TroubleAfoot

I thought that, just by quitting drinking, I would turn into some kind of extra motivated super successful person.

Ha! 6 months on and I am learning that quitting drinking is only the first step of many harder ones. Curing the reasons why I was drinking, all along, is the real challenge.

D122y

It is too bad. Hoped to be a champion grappler and a multi millionaire investment guru. Didn't happen.

Thought physical life would be easy. No more hang overs, tons of energy, and a free mind.

Still have natural melatonin hangovers everyday, my energy is not what I want, and my mind is still distracted.

I just tell myself every time I think about a relapse that I will never be as free as I am now and a relapse will slow me down at the least.

Then there would be the guilt and shame. Telling my family and you all.

I try to be giving, but I know deep down I am selfish. I don't really care what anyone thinks. I just try to be nice.

We here were never intended to be drunks. We learned it, saw the light, and now we don't drink.

Booze is poison.

Thanks.

TroubleAfoot

Yes. I can relate to all of this. I suffer from lack of energy, headaches, and joint pain still. One thing I do know, though, is if I start drinking again everything will only be way worse and, for me, that is sufficient motivation to stay sober. It's bad enough now!

BUT. . . I'm not done yet. After taking a while to build up some extra will power (I've been using most of it just to not drink) I have embarked upon, as of 5 days ago, a very strict health journey in regards to what food I put in my body. I am anticipating that, with enough commitment, I will still be able to significantly improve, or even cure, much of what is still ailing me.

TroubleAfoot

Patience is so extraordinarily important. So is action. But the results of actions take time and one must have the patience to see them through until the goals are realized.

2muchpain

I used to feel I had to do things perfectly at work. No room for mistakes. How others' viewed me was a reflection on my self worth. I had to work harder, work out harder, etc. Anything less than that was inexcusable. All that did was make my life miserable. And all that did was lead from one binge to another to forget how inadequate I was. Now that I'm older and have paid some big prices for this kind of thinking, I'm more comfortable with me just being me. It took me a long time to get to this point, but I have a much healthier life. John

TroubleAfoot

I was the same way at work and, to a lessor degree, in my personal life. Always worried what others thought of me. I'd bite my tongue if I had an opinion and I'd say "yes" to everything. Beginning a couple of years ago I started to say "no" and I also, while I try to be a reasonable and understanding person at all times, I increasingly just don't give a whit (clean word!) what people think of me. It's confidence. One can be gentle and kind but also be strong at the same time.

stickyone

Just sounds like you are hungry to learn and to improve yourself in recovery. it depends on who you are asking lol People will say things are Unrealistic or impossible until someone does it. And even then they will say that person crazy. Do you my friend.

WaterOx

oh yes in fact I recall writing a post a few years ago, something to the tune of "how can anyone expect me to be OK if I don't drink??"

In other words, I wanted to be perfect and I'm not. Not that drinking makes me perfect, just delusional enough to forget that I'm not, I guess.

Hodd

I had no expectations, so I exceeded them I guess 🙂

It’s probably like a new gym goer who trains seven days a week as part of a crash weight loss plan. They put themselves under too much pressure and have unrealistic expectations. If they wise up and go, say, three times a week, they’ll improve a lot faster. We all become better in lots of ways with sobriety. I’d suggest just go with the flow.

dustyfox

Having been a drinker since an early age I don't really know what my true levels of patience are. If I ignore my 'personality type' for the moment, then I do think it is important to focus on sobriety, patience is needed, and that is a good quality to practice, acceptance, a belief that things will improve and to step away from ego, pride and fantasy, these thing do not help sobriety.
Perhaps we are like athletes - training daily , building our sober muscles and stamina - I like the analogy!