Jillian2563

Not my husband, who can still drink. Not my kids. Not my dog (or new dog my husband brought home last night). Not my cat. Not my job. Not my friends. Not the topics my friends talk about (yesterday it was how they buy beer at Sam’s cause it’s cheaper). I am the problem. I cannot drink alcohol without binging. When I am craving, I’m the one who is still giving alcohol control. I’m an alcoholic whether I like the term or not. I realize that now and am being honest. I’m working the first step as I type. But my mind is still tee-tottering on whether I can drink tonight. I’m so over the cognitive dissonance. Where to go from here? Scheduled to talk to my sponsor tomorrow at 8am. Taking new dog to groomer at 9am. I know I will not do those things hungover.

Jillian2563

“Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.” (Big Book, Page 30)

Feeling powerless makes us believe that there is nothing we can do. This is a half-truth. We don’t have the power over the obsession to drink, nor do we have the power to control how much we drink once we start. What we can do is turn to a Power greater than ourselves for help. We let this Power do what we are unable to do for ourselves.

We sometimes feel as if we are the victim and point fingers at other people or situations. This kind of thinking prevents us from looking at our powerlessness. Accepting our powerlessness opens us up to the willingness for a Higher Power’s help. We then offer the problem over to a Higher Power. We let this Power remove the problem by practicing the rest of the steps as a way of life. Until we can accept powerlessness, we will not fully seek Power. Accepting our powerlessness (complete defeat) is the bottom that an alcoholic and addict must hit.

https://www.hanleycenter.org/understanding-powerless/

Dropsie

Welcome.

For me acceptance was the key. Acceptance that I could not take one sip. Ever.

Once I accepted that to my soul, the rest was execution.

I do not kick my dog, hit my kids, and I do not drink.

Anna

Yes, Jillian, acceptance is crucial.

Boondock

This is good Jillian, it sounds like you've been busy with some deep thinking and some self realization....Keep going!

BackandScared

It is such an important step. It is much easier when it only depends on you.

DriGuy

The other side of that coin is that you are the solution.
That's the positive side. And truly, that is how I see it now. I think eventually you will embrace that too.

dustyfox

You have the answer - your hands will not hold the glass, your lips will not touch the glass - you will decide not to drink - it feels absolutely terrifying when first you make that promise or even think it - it feels totally impossible - and then later it seems impossible that so many years were spent ignoring the answer - I hope your new dog brings lots of long and joyful walks -a perfect distraction

Steely

I think acceptance is learned, and needs to be practiced, but will need tutelage 24/7. So why not ask your god? 😮

Hand it overJillian. You don't need it anymore.

D122y

I don't know how long you have been sober.

After a while it is easy to say no. Especially when you see how ridiculous drunk people act and sound. It is hilarious really.

They get all intense and problem solving. Like they got it all figure out. So funny. Then they get drunker, start slurring their words, then get selfish, then maybe angry and abusive. Then at some point drunks pass out or worse.

Then in the AM, they are hungover. It is pretty sad.

There I sit, nice and fresh. I didn't say anything offensive. I remember everything.

Us sober folks are actually the ones living. Drunks and losing hours and days off their lives because they are wasting time drinking booze, being drunk, and then being hungover.

The world according to D122y.

Being sober is cool and amazing.

Booze is poison. I don't believe the hype.

Thanks.

Jillian2563

Not long. I kept relapsing. Yesterday being the last one.

The world according to D122y is pretty accurate. F*** Booze.

RecklessDrunk

Step 1 is the most important. This is the foundation the rest of the program is built on.

Live one day at a time. Like the movie where the guy digs himself out of prison with a little rock hammer. Every day chipping the wall a little bit. After several years of this he has a long tunnel dug out. This should go much quicker then it did for Andy in the movie. I think in a week, a couple weeks, especially one month you will see big gashes taken out all of this stuff you feel weighing on you right now. Especially in those first weeks the obsession will visit from time to time but it blow over quicker then you think.

I remember my first meeting i had a good feeling of just surrendering this only way of life that i had known since age 14. My way had landed me in so much trouble so I was all in on trying another way.

Mizz

Sobriety is not linear for some. It took me a lot of starts and stops to get to the full stop. It is very painful and very hard in the beginning. Keep on working towards the solution and know that you can do this. You have the power to change your life.

Delilah1

Sounds like you are ready to get sober. Someone above mentioned you are also the solution, you can do this.

Boondock

It takes time, Effort and willingness. You have to be patient and stick to your plan.....You can do it..

alphaomega

You might want to read Holly Whittaker’s “Quit Like A Woman”,

It a real eye opener regarding women’s patterns of ethanol indoctrination.

best to you.

ZIP

Quite true.
Acceptance is the first and most important part of beginning an AF life.
Accept the disease, accept help, and accept abstinence.

​​​

anxiousrock

I agree and this is why I didn't like my step 5.
they told me I had a bad childhood, had all these resentments and therefore I drank.
no....I drank because I'm an alcoholic and can't control myself.

Eddiebuckle

Acceptance allowed me to focus on recovery rather than going through the mental gymnastics of "why me", "it wasn't THAT bad", "I know plenty of people who are worse drinkers than me", and on and on...

I am and will remain powerless over alcohol. But there is always one thing I do have power over: how I respond.

brighterday1234

Acceptance is the answer to all our problems 🙏