Hodd

I hope not, but my wife (whose family are overseas) has had to fly back to help with a sick relative. We were both planning to move there in 2023, but she’s suddenly had to move that forward by two years.

Luckily I’m a teacher now so get lots of holidays although flying anywhere right now is a massive palaver.

I feel bad for her as she had a good life here (especially now I’m not a drunk), and it’s cost her a lot to get Covid tests, flights and she even has to stay in a quarantine hotel (a nice one thankfully).

And I feel bad for me 😅 Luckily I’ve got a lot of work to do to keep me occupied.

I had to laugh as we met family and friends last weekend, and she gave away all the bottles of wine she had stashed away. She doesn’t drink, but she had them as presents or freebies, and she cooked with wine. That was a really wise move on her part. She did have a tiny bottle of limoncello in the fridge which I threw away,

So it’s going to be a lonely three months or so until I get to go over there. I’ve been sober for 28 months so it’s unlikely I’ll succumb, but new situations are always a risk for the ex-drinker. Hopefully I’ll feel a little less down over the next few weeks.

I shouldn’t be whinging too much as it’s now summer, and the U.K. is almost normal. A lot of people have had it far worse, and I can sympathise with those who’ve taken to drinking more over the last year.

Mini rant over 🙂

Steely

Congratulations Hodd, 28 months a terrific achievement.

Use the time your wife is away to solidify your sobriety, remaining sober because you choose to, for yourself alone. I know you will, just saying.

Hope you do things other than work. I would like to go Mudlarking down the Thames. If I ever get my ticket to leave I'll be heading on over, expectant of some Roman treasure buried beneath the mud. It looks like fun to me. ⚱️< I think this is Greek. Haha.

Anna

Hodd, congratulations on your 28 months of recovery. And, good for you for recognizing that this is a time of change and that you will benefit by being aware and prepared. I hope things go well for your wife, and I'm sure you look forward to joining her as soon as possible.

Nathan57

Hey Hodd, I just lurk now but when I got sober, I was sober. That's just it. It didn't matter who went where or who did what.

Maybe pick up a hobby, exercise, something.

Making a decision to be sober is just that - a decision. I made it and I stuck by it. You did the same thing. Just stick by that decision - you will be fine.

Hodd

Thanks. I exercise loads, and I’m actually still a trainee teacher. Busy isn’t the word. I don’t need any extra hobbies right now 😆

It’s odd. I used to live alone and even went on holidays alone. Now it’s no fun.

But I do know that one drink would be a disaster, even after 28 months and a massive lifestyle change. The bottle of limoncello in the fridge was minuscule, but if I’d taken a sip, I’d have wanted a bit more...

tornrealization

Hi Hodd,

I’m about 27.5 months sober. Today friends of us dropped off a surprise Cinco de Mayo package at the door. It’s how friends have been coping with covid. Beers, tequila shot included. I had my husband hide them. Beer, meh. But boy that shot... that tiny bottle bugged me.

I know they mean well and husband still drinks on occasion. Just sharing that I feel like I too, feel like I must remain on guard.

Sorry to hear she had to leave early. You’ll be busy like you said. You may learn even more about yourself. 👍

Dee74

I have faith you'll be fine Hodd

D

Hodd

Thanks Dee 👍

I reckon I’ll be OK too. Can’t say the same for the state of my kitchen. I’m seriously thinking about hiring a cleaner!

I’m planning on heading overseas in July/August, and I’d probably have to quarantine in a hotel for up to 14 days. I don’t alcohol is allowed in quarantine hotels. That’s not a problem at all - the 14 days couped up is - but if I’d still been drinking, I would’ve have to stay at home!

Zebra1275

She may be on the other side of the world, but if you get drunk while she is gone, she will know.

She may call you and hear you slurring your words, you might send her a drunken text, or a friend may tell here.

But most likely, she will find out when you tell her yourself because you feel so damn guilty about blowing 28 months of sobriety.

Surrendered19

28 months is incredible Hodd. I'm glad you posted. I definitely get where you are coming from. But it is just not worth it. And your dirty little AV is lying to you again. There will be no secrets and it won't just be a few nights of fun. It is good you ranted to us if for no other reason than we get it.

BeABetterMan

So here’s the trick, you can totally drink. You can drink anytime anywhere. And you can totally get away with it. ONLY YOU WILL KNOW.


Wait, you’ll know!! Yeah, it turns out that HER not knowing doesn’t matter. You’ll know. It will be you falling down. You dealing with the wreckage. You demoralized. You taking chances. You jeopardizing your relationship/career/family.

We learn that all that matters is that we know. And we GET AWAY WITH NOTHING. In fact, the more we sneak around the more we hate ourselves. Keeping secrets makes us keep getting drunk.

The only people for instance that AA says can’t make it through their program is those that are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. So you can do whatever you want, as long as you’re willing to live with the consequences.

Please choose wisely.

PeacefulWater12

Yes, it is about YOUR integrity and how YOU will feel about yourself.

Delilah1

28 months is great Hodd, and you have all of us for the support over the next few months. Hopefully, the end of the school year is a good one.

Hodd

Thanks all. Right now it’s extremely unlikely I’d drink. During this teacher training time, I can function on 5 hours sleep. To try and do that after a few glasses of wine would be catastrophic. My mental health is fortunately OK, but that’s the big worry for all of us. If we become depressed, anything can happen.

It’s good to be wary. I visited some acquaintances a few days ago, and they asked if I wanted red or white wine. I was driving anyway, and even in drinking days I didn’t touch alcohol if driving (although I now reckon I was often over the limit the morning after). I’ll visit friends a lot now lockdown is ending, and whilst most friends know I now don’t drink, I’ll be cautious 🙂

lessgravity

Hodd - I don't mean to be dramatic but I see serious cause for concern in the language you are using. There's a flippancy in words like "unlikely" and "hopefully" to describe whether or not your going to drink. I know you may say that you are just being honest, and I respect that. It's essential to your continued sobriety to be honest with yourself. But I see you, subconsciously or not, choosing to allow the door to open a bit, choosing to give even the slightest space in your head - the possibility of CHOOSING to drink again. Instead you need to fortify your defenses. You need to be saying to yourself, there's no way, even with the time and freedom and opportunity that I have, that I am going to take even a sip of alcohol. It sounds like the AV is hard at work and you are not shutting him the f down.

Acknowledging the possibility is not the same as allowing for the probability. I would be very very careful you don't start listening more to the AV. Freedom is the sweetest thing in the world. But it requires eternal vigilance.

Haris2014

Hi hodd,
my wife has to shoot back to malaysia for family reasons in July, be gone a couple of months too... so if you find a good way to handle the temptation let me know😂. She will be gone when I tick over 12 months free and my AV is already trying to rationalise having a drink.

advbike

Glad you brought this up man. It is a worry. I've mentioned before that my GF lives overseas and when I'm there I never drink, but it's hard for me not to pick up again when I leave, as I did last March 2020. I'm always sad, it's a long flight, and when I get to Honolulu for my one day stopover, it's hard to resist. And we all know what happens then - it starts the cycle all over again. I think you're right to be concerned and have an action plan in place.