Links

Suppose a wife doesn't want to buy her husband alcohol, but does so anyway. He hurts himself and destroys everything with this habit. She is not enabling him. She fears him. She fears that he's going to leave him unless she does. Or perhaps that he's going to be violent, or she hates fighting all the time. One would say she is the 'victim'.

For years, my ex GF pressured me into buying her alcohol. In her state of affairs, she couldn't have visited the supermarket herself. Twice she was taken to the hospital. Her relatives shamed me for it; to them probably SHE is the victim, although I myself drank not one drop of alcohol for those four years. I did not drink, nor cheat, nor lie, and when I finally had the guts to refuse buying her drinks, she left me that very day. I only want my innocence back. I want to be innocent, like when I was 16.

I know I'm gonna get blasted for saying this, but gender does make a huge difference even in this day and age.

trailmix

I don't think you will get blasted for it? I think it may be over simplifying though.

You sound really angry. I know your ex left when you stopped buying her alcohol. Do you have any support for yourself, did you ever try Al Anon?

I'm sure you are hurt and eventually time will heal, but letting go of the anger at some point is very helpful.

Also focusing on yourself and doing things you enjoy, ensuring you take good care of yourself.

nikegoddess112

Al-Anon. Attending meetings, getting a sponsor, etc. created space within for me to do new things in safe ways.

My experience, strength and hope.

I'm glad for SR also. A place to allow our voice, our experiences.

Links

I'm not angry at her, I'm angry at the society we live in. Men and women are treated differently, that's a thing which needs to change.

Hawkeye13

As a woman Links, I agree M & W are treated differently, and yes, it does need to change.

Bekindalways

Yep Links, society and its ways are rage inducing. It is a mess. To me just deciding not to be part of the mess is huge whether by stopping drinking or by stepping away from a relationship with an addict. It does hurt beyond hurt though just to try to live better.

I so hope you have some support. How long ago did she leave? Let us know how you are doing.

Links

Despite what I said earlier, no, society is not the reason of the mess here. People are. People, who have never been in a relationship with an alcoholic, and wish to be holier-than-thou. The partner who involuntarily brings his/her partner alcohol is the victim, no matter what sex or gender. Scolding a victim is like kicking a man when he's already down. You better hope he doesn't get up. It's almost two years ago, and I've become determined to get up. And I have a problem with strangers, who think they have power over me and can tell me what to do. I don't think I'll just forget about them.