Laura3

I would stop now but I already made up my mind this morning im going to drink, went out, bought 12 beer. I cant change my mind once im decided on it. Im finding it incredibly hard to stop because of depression and not having any support. When im having a bad day nobodys around to pull me out of it. I dont think detox or rehab is really an option during covid. Even if it were, its probably not a good idea. At least I set a date for tomorrow so I wont wake up and go get more alcohol. I will try again, thats all I can do

Cityboy

Sorry you are having a tough time Laura.

Most of the support I have gotten in regards to quitting has been here. Eventually, I could talk to others about it in at least limited ways.

After quitting, it took a little to time to truly begin clearing my head of the fog, but it started to become obvious that not all, but most of the depression and despair was a result of the drinking.

Hope you have good luck with it moving forward.

LumenandNyx

Well - how convenient is all that?

You just talked yourself out of getting sober and getting help - all in one succinct paragraph.

If you think you can reach your real self - the one being drowned out by your alcoholic voice - that person might try to strangle you into some sanity.

Nobody can pull you out of your withdrawal. You put yourself in it and the only way out is through.

Tomorrow doesn't usually come for an alcoholic. Tomorrow usually keeps getting pushed back a day or eight or eighteen for one brilliant reason or another. Drinkers can conjure up a brilliant reason like a chef conjures up a yummy dinner.

The help you want is here, it's online, and it's people like me who are willing to meet you in person because we understand that your life is at stake. There are people like me in your area - you just have to find them.

Try to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Take a deep breath first and then try to start controlling your thinking - one thought at a time. It might help to write a few things down that you want to start doing in an attempt to begin caring for yourself.

Laura3

I know I am able to quit, I have quit drug addictions in the past people never get away from. But in those times I reached out for help. I also wasnt feeling so hopeless and depressed. Alcohol hasnt caused my depression, ive had it all my life. Feel like ive totally lost my mind lately, dont even want to be alive. Quitting drinking wont solve my life crisis. Itll only make things easier. Feel like I should be in a mental asylum, my choices lately make no sense.

LumenandNyx

Those two comments appear to have come from a sane place. KNOWING that you can get sober again because you've done it before is a HUGE psychological benefit. That's awesome!
As to your second comment - do you have a doctor? Someone you could speak with about what you're going through? I understand that we're going through a Pandemic right now, but plenty of places and people are open/seeing patients. Been there done that myself recently so - I'm not just shooting words out of my butt here.

If nothing else - this website never closes and there's always someone here. If you're not familiar with it - there's also a chat room. You can find it by looking down into the right corner of your screen. There, you'll see the word Chat with a number in parenthesis. Right now the number is 47 is in there, which means there are 47 members in the forum (and in the chat room if they care to look). To the right of the number are two colors - light blue and light pink in chat bubbles. Click on those colors and the chat room will open. Click on the colors again to close it.

Anna

Laura, I had depression long before I began drinking, too, and I know there is help. Have you considered talking to your dr (probably on FaceTime) about your depression? I needed to be properly diagnosed and treated for my depression in order to get sober and recover.

Have faith that you can do this and that things will get better.

Laura3

Yes ive considered seeing a doctor for pills to help through the beginning but also think id be wasting his time when I could just get some pills from a friend that would do the same thing, but something about using pills feels wrong but maybe its necessary

2ndhandrose

"Pills from a friend" feels wrong to me, too.

I take a prescribed antidepressant from my doctor. It leveled the playing field for me.

Anna

Pills from a friend is not the same thing. Not every antidepressant works for everyone and you need a doctor's supervision. And, I'm the same as 2ndhandrose, the medications levels the playing field for me.

Laura3

I'll never take antidepressants again, its like playing russian roulette. Doctors dont know what will happen. I was talking about valiums or something to make me less stressed for the first week or so

BeABetterMan

Hey Laura, you don't have to quit forever today. And tomorrow is fine. What's one last day in the grand scheme of things? But tomorrow, just make it through tomorrow. And be slow to say things in absolution. You never know what the future holds. Also, a good friend of mine is in inpatient right now in CA. They are taking good measures to prevent COVID. He was worried at first but has been there about 4 weeks now and is comfortable.

If you look through my posts, I'm constantly struggling with anxiety and depression. But when we drink it just compounds those things. Primarily because it affects our brain chemistry. You also mentioned sobriety would solve your crisis, only make it easier. Well....uh.... so what is wrong with that? When we are in crisis shouldn't we seek out things that make life easier?

Let's go girl! No one is coming to save you. Laura has to do it. The good news is she can do it in baby steps. I tell myself to do one positive thing per day for my sobriety. Some days I do more, some days I don't even do one. But those days I do something are better days far and away. I have another friend, a female, that has struggled with depression badly. Over the last two years she got big time into drinking. She ended up in detox. She is now sober 6 months. Does she still suffer from depression? Yes. Is it much more manageable? Absolutely. And it just keeps improving. You can do it. Start in the morning. Pick one thing to do. If you can't think of one, ask us. We've all had day Ones, some of us have had hundreds. We'll help. Good luck! xoxo

stickyone

I know most of the people here are recovering from alcohol abuse. I haven't touched a drink in over 8 years I have 77 days clean from opiates. For me I don't really count each addiction separate. If you do then that's okay. I guess what I'm trying to say is addiction is addiction to whatever drug. For me my anxiety and depression was the reason I would use to dull out my emotions. Maybe I should be on medication for my mental health it is an option from my doctor. But I want to try this sober first without anything and see if the depression and anxiety is manageable.

Dee74

I'm sad you're talking yourself out of starting a new life today but I hope you can make it stick tomorrow Laura

D

Wastinglife

I also deal with depression/anxiety. The alcohol exasperates it but it's still there when sober. It's not clinical depression, just situational because my life is in tatters and hopelessness hounds me. Alcohol relieves it until it wears off.

Laura3

I agree, addiction is addiction whatever the substance, although I do find alcohol a lot easier to manage than other addictions but does eventually have the same consequences, it just takes longer to reach the bottom. Its normal these days to feel depressed. The virus has turned things upside down, a lot of us live in uncertainty. Depression has always been a stumbling block for me in recovery, its hard, but I know things can get better eventually if I try. I have very simple goals in life right now, get healthy and find work. It shouldnt seem so hopeless, its very simple. So today I am trying again

Noam19

Hi Laura. Not sure if you have heard of, or read, This Naked Mind. You, like myself, are exhibiting classic cognitive dissonance. Your conscious mind knows how destructive and terrible drinking is for you, but your unconscious mind still finds some benefit in alcohol or believes that it's something that is helping you. This back and forth causes stress, stress leads us alcoholics to the bottle looking for relief. It's possibly the most vicious behavior cycle there is. I highly recommend you look into that book or podcast. It's been incredibly helpful for me and many others.

Surrendered19

How are you doing Laura?

Laura3

Well I havent done too well drinking wise, I had a few yesterday but didnt get drunk. I didnt want to refuse alcohol and look like I have a problem. Wondering now if I should take further steps and look into a rehab or program since doing things my way hasnt been working. I just need to get through the first few weeks, after that the cravings are less. Ive gone years barely drinking at all. I know how my body responds. I have made progress in the way im thinking though. Im starting to see this drinking problem is a priority over my life problems, it should be my focus right now even though I also need to work on other things. I didnt drink today, been trying to occupy my time.

Laura3

I tried adding to my other comment but couldnt edit again. What I wanted to add is that rather than looking for work maybe it would be better instead to find a therapist or counsellor to help me find the help I need because Im sure no professional would advise just looking for work and moving now. They would recommend detox, rehab, etc

Anna

I think when we deal with our alcoholism, the other problems in our lives diminish or are easier to deal with. Being sober makes a big difference. If you think you need detox and rehab, then maybe you can look into those things. They could be very helpful for you to get you on the right path. And, yes, a therapist who specializes in addiction could be helpful, too. I'd make one suggestion - don't worry about what others think about you not drinking. In fact, it's likely no one really pays attention, and if they do, it's their concern and not yours. It's your choice to not drink and to say 'No thanks' when offered a drink, and no further explanation is necessary.