Al34

So I’m finally feeling ready to do another attempt at stop drinking.

Wanted to ask how you all dealt with the reason(s) why you drank.

I don’t want to just stop drinking I want to deal with the reasons why I like to escape reality, just don’t know how to go about that....

Be123

Hi Al34

Im on day 100 of being sober today. Hooray! So I'm new to this but here is my two pennies worth...

I'm addicted to alcohol. I may be predisposed to that genetically...my mental health was certainly poor, and recovering as I recover from my addiction. But bottom line is my addiction was because of my addiction, and all the other problems in my life entangled with it so much it hasn't been possible (yet) to distinguish them from pouring 8 pints of tasty poison down my throat on a daily basis.

I love this video...I find first 20 minutes a bit slow but if you are interested in science it explains what goes on in the brain of an addict. https://youtu.be/zYphZvRHm6Y

smilesdavis

For me anyway I seemed to have been trying to medicate myself because I just think too much about everything, all the time, often in a rather negative way and booze and drugs offered some sweet relief temporarily. Even the hangovers kind of gave me some kind of purpose, just something I needed to get through, it was almost like a success to get over a really bad hangover and have a couple of days sober, or only having 3 or 4 drinks, before getting wasted again and repeating the viscous circle.
I'm not even sure I am an alcoholic but I've been 3 weeks now off booze, the second longest time off it in 20 something years, and I'm determined this time to get to the root of my issues. So therapy, introspection, books I'm reading, meditation and exercise, this is my life for the last couple of weeks and I'm hoping I can bring about a change in how I think and feel going forward.
Everyone who medicates with booze and drugs over a long period of time are doing it for a reason, they're damaged inside, suffering, and you have to get to the bottom of the suffering and try to heal yourself. That's what I'm trying to do anyway, and it's not an easy journey.

Hodd

If you don’t want to stop drinking as you said in your post, then you have a problem I’m afraid.

I drank because I liked the taste of it. Why did I become addicted? Just bad luck I guess.

I could have spent time and money further examining the reasons why I drank. I found it far more interesting that the urges to drink withered the longer I’d quit. Then I got my life back, got new friends and hobbies and even a career change. I still don’t know any in depth reasons why I drank, but will that have helped me?

Dee74

Hi Al

I thought I needed to know they why on order to stop too. It seemed logical - but as it it turned out I didn't need to know the why.in order to stop drinking....I just needed a good plan, the support of others and a willingness to change.

Later on, if you still wantto, you can examine the whys.
I think that's far more achievable with a bit of sober time under ones belt.

D

Dee74

I think you misread Hodd

​​​​​​​D

Hodd

My bad, sorry 🙂

ReadyAtLast

Sometimes there are no answers to why. Why do some people get cancer or heart disease or why do some people die prematurely.

I have to accept I have a drink problem and put my energies into stopping and staying stopped. Wishing you well

Lines

The most important part to me. Although, my issue is not with alcohol. There were always specific reasons why I used cocaine. Sure, it had pleasurable effects, but it went deeper & was ultimately for emotional reasons. A well qualified therapist helped me the most. Journaling has been an important part of self analysis also.

I've been reading some of the articles over at Smart Recovery website. They get into this type of thing to a certain degree.
here are a couple to give you an idea

Addictive Experience

THIS: "When I experience salvation from myself in my use of a substance, a behavior or a person, that is the danger zone. There is a difference between liking something because it’s fun as opposed to doing something because I finally feel okay with me as a person, repeating that thing over and over and over again at any cost. When we develop surrogate relationships with substances, behaviors, or fantasies of other people as a means to make our life tolerable or at least a little pleasurable, even at any cost, we lose a sense of our own agency and our identity in the process. Maybe we never had it in the first place. Maybe we lost it amidst life’s ups and downs. Thank whomever for neuroplasticity! We can change this!"

Managing feelings

THIS: It may be that you did not learn how to manage your feelings because you grew up in an environment where feelings (typically negative states such as anger, pain, fear, sadness, disappointment) were not addressed or even actively avoided. As a result, you may not have “learned” how to deal with your feelings effectively long before substances became a way that you managed them. If this is the case, have some compassion for yourself as you start down the path of learning how to deal with your feelings without the use of drugs or alcohol.

doggonecarl

Don't make your sobriety incumbent on understanding the reasons why you drank. Make wanting to deal with the reasons why you like to escape reality incumbent on getting and staying sober.

brighterday1234

Live in the solution not in the problem. The why doesn’t matter, the stopping and staying stopped is the important bit. Think about the why after a few years of solid recovery. If you’re an Alkie you’re an Alkie.

Jim1958

I'd say for me it was a bad upbringing. That, and a physical skin problem I had that made me feel disfigured. Mix it all together and it made me a deeply troubled person. The cure? Right inside a Busch Light can. Mix with other stuff and I forgot my problems. This went on for years. I later was consumed with regret over drunken antics. I still won't join Facebook because I am afraid of what people from the past will post about me. I know I was not looked at favorably due to my drinking. Very difficult. Finally got some therapy. Some things changed. Found SR. Still working on things, but much better. No drinks, will be two years in July. I agree with other posters, if you are drinking alcoholically then something is wrong. Find out what it is, and you can get better. Ask what happened to you, and then move forward. Best wishes in your recovery.

Anna

After stopping drinking, I did need to deal with underlying issues in order to recover. For me, it was essential. I was angry and a control-freak and my life was miserable so I found help in a lot of good books:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ependence.html (Books on Recovery, Spirituality & Codependence)

nez

That question of why drove me crazy for years. I was putting the cart before the horse. It was by not drinking, that I slowly learned why I drank. When I stopped asking "why" I drank, and instead asked "how" to not drink, the answers to "why" slowly revealed themselves to me without asking.

Why is about the past. How is about the present. I can't not drink in the past, I can only not drink in the present, so to me how is more important than why. Take care of the present first, and then you will be able to learn from the past.

It has been a crazy 17 year journey of learning that I wouldn't trade for anything. The freedom of not drinking is amazing!!! There is absolutely nothing wrong with not drinking. I can't say the same thing about drinking.

DriGuy

What Dee said is true:

I actually wasted time searching for why I drank. I knew I needed to stop. You do too. I did figure out why I drank, but only after I stopped, because the real answer is too simple to see. And worst of all, the answer is irrelevant to the solution. I drank because I was addicted. If you are an alcoholic, the solution is in taking action. Yes, I've solved most of my problems by thinking. Alcohol was the exception. I solved that by taking action.

But like Dee says, this requires a plan and some support. Well, it did for me. I suppose you can just up and quit, but I don't think I had that in me at the time. I needed some help. But in the end, the solution is to quit. Granted, it may not be as simple as it sounds, but worry less about why you drink and work at just stopping. It's about changing your behavior.

DriGuy

Al34, see how variations of this comment keep recurring throughout this thread. I latched onto this one when it could have been all of the others. Nez says, "I was putting the cart before the horse," and that really strikes home for me. The first thing you need to do is quit.

Andante

I agree that digging into the causes of your drinking is mainly pointless unless you've already been stopped for a while. I spent many a fine drunk night "researching" the causes of my drinking and had myself diagnosed with all sorts of exotic personality disorders and repressed traumas, etc. Once I finally quit drinking for good and gave my body and mind a chance to stabilize, I found that most of what was wrong with me was that I was addicted to alcohol.

Examining the "causes and conditions" of your alcoholism can be useful as part of the recovery process, but quitting drinking comes first.

PuckLuck

I drank to get drunk. Period.

I used every "why" excuse in the book...

- My life sucks
- My life is awesome
- Sunny day
- Rainy day
- Got the job
- Didn't get the job
- Got the girl
- Didn't get the girl
- Payday
- No payday
- Blah blah blah

Abraham

Wow, for me I never thought much about it. Its an addictive substance and I started using it to be cool, I guess, in high school, and for the buzz which is good at first. Use it to often, which we did, and you are addicted. Its hard to break an addiction. To me it is nothing more than I used an addictive substance to often and let it get me. I never even realized it was addictive when I was young when it was not to late.

Cityboy

There were reasons that I drank, like trying to fit in or be life of the party, or the feeling that it was going to somehow heighten the experience of an activity. Then there were the reasons I became dependent upon drinking, like feeling locked into a dead end job with a boss I hated, financial concerns and other stress factors, the reinforcement of guilt, and resentment of things I couldn't control. Since quitting, most of the reasons were found to not be as bad as I was telling myself, or have been resolved to a lesser intensity.