Hodd

Just thinking of a recent thread and a poster I used to talk to, and I realised the time I wasted preparing to stop drinking could’ve been better spent by just stopping.

I can look back and laugh at this story now, but in order to be prescribed Campril, I had to go through the motions of seeing a counsellor. Sorry to say this, but she was useless. I left the surgery, and as it was nearly wine o’clock, I walked straight into a shop to buy a bottle. In the checkout queue, I was thinking how funny it would be if that counsellor had seen me. She would then see how ineffective she’d been. You might say I’m being harsh as I’d only met her once, but trust me on this one.

With that box ticked, I was able to make another appointment to collect my Campril, but this was weeks away. I spent those weeks drinking a bottle of wine a day as normal as after all my Campril would soon sort me out. I even went on holiday so drank even more.

So I collected and paid for my Campril and started taking it as prescribed. To get to that stage had taken months. I’d had to see my GP, get a blood test, get the results, register with an addiction agency, see the useless counsellor and then get my tablets. The Campril made no difference as the urges were as strong as ever, but it’d been such in a pain in the a*** to get to that stage, it just seemed easier not to drink.

The urges came and went but started to fade, and 17 months later, they’re virtually non-existent. They’re certainly not troubling me as they were in the early weeks.

I did exactly the right thing to see my GP and have a blood test. That’s a must for anyone who wants to stop. The rest of the process was totally pointless. I was making excuses to carry on drinking. No one was going to help me stop drinking except me.

I’d now be 22 months sober if I’d just stopped off my own back. I wasn’t impolite to the counsellor, and I asked about her background. Her response was, “I have a psychology degree.” I have a degree too, so that didn’t have much effect, but that was all she had to say. I can’t even remember her name.

Bit of a rant 😀 but the poster I mentioned was always going on about seeing a counsellor, etc. I’ll say this. Unless someone has ever been addicted to anything, be it drugs, alcohol, gambling or whatever, they can’t even begin to relate what you’re going through.

We’re not doing PhDs here. This isn’t a rehearsal. Discussing the whys and wherefores of drinking whilst continuing to drink is for me an excuse to not stop.

Wastinglife

I once went to an addiction clinic to attend weekly classes to address alcoholism. It was run by an addiction counselor and a nurse. They spoke to us like we were complete idiots. Their words of wisdom were to "avoid places where alcohol is present" and "take up a new hobby". They obviously have never experienced addiction themselves. There is no way they could teach me anything about alcoholism. No person can explain to me how to get sober. It is only something I decide to do and no outside influence will make a difference.

Hodd

I’m sure there are good counsellors. If someone had recovered from an addiction, had some people skills and some qualifications, they’d be worth their weight in gold as a counsellor.

Oh my counsellor did say she encouraged people to buy smaller bottles. That’s hardly Freud now, is it? ☹️

Hevyn

I loved your post, Hodd! Thank you so much. Congratulations on getting free.

Hodd

Thanks 😀

I really wish the counsellor had seen me in the checkout queue with my bottle of wine.

We’re never really free by the way. I’ve been working/studying hard recently and that along with the nice weather means my “urgeometer” is higher than normal of late. But, get this, if I drink again, I’d have to go through withdrawal all over again including seeing that counsellor 😃

But seriously, drinking again wouldn’t be a laughing matter. Now I’ve got my life back, with new career change coming up, triathlons, etc, why would I risk all that? Any drinker can have their life back. If you’re strong enough to quit, many things are possible.

Robbie64

I once saw a counsellor and when I told her I hadn't had a drink for a week she told me that this was dangerous, that I shouldn't have stopped drinking suddenly and she then told me to go and but some alcohol when my counselling session was over! I even told her that I felt fine and that I wasn't having any withdrawal symptoms but she wasn't having any of it. I did try to explain that I was a binge drinker and that the most I would drink for would be two or three days and the most I would suffer afterwards was an awful hangover and rarely got anything more than a mild case of the shakes. Needless to say after that I never went back to see her as I felt she didn't have a clue. It sounded like everything she had learned had been from a counselling text book.

Near where I live we now have a counselling service that is staffed by ex-alcoholics and so they have a good understanding of how people are feeling because they've been there themselves. Unfortunately the service is closed at the moment due to COVID-19. I miss them not being open as they operate not only counselling sessions but also a daily drop in group. It was great just being able to pop in and have someone to talk to. I'll be glad when they are back open, whenever that might be.

RecklessDrunk

I'm going to mess this story up but here's how I remember it.

Once there was an alcoholic trapped in a hole. He called out for help and a priest came. He prayed for him and threw him a bible. The alcoholic read the bible but he was still trapped in the hole.

Then a doctor came by. He threw down some pills and was on his way. The alcoholic took the pills and felt better but he was still trapped in the hole.

Then a therapist came by and they talked about his horrible childhood for a while. The alcoholic was still trapped in the hole.

Then some rich relative came by and threw some money. He had money but he was still trapped in the hole.

Then a recovering alcoholic came by and jumped in the hole with him. The stuck alcoholic asked if he was crazy. He said no, I know the way out of this hole and I will show you.

Hodd

Great story, thanks Reckless.

Hodd

Hodd

That’s something I considered trying. They typically want counsellors to be two years free of their addiction. I doubt I’ll have the time now, but I reckon these people are heroes. What a tough job. There’ll be lots of disappointments but a few successes in there too. Fair play.

Robbie64

At my support group I think they have a policy of counsellors being sober for at least a year and many of the counsellors started off as clients and then progressed on to train as counsellors. The group was actually set up by someone who had been a chronic alcoholic but had managed to get himself sober. He formed the service because he'd been in a revolving door of being referred to counselling services, had attended AA etc and nothing had worked. He set up the group in 2005 and at first he operated from home until he was able to secure funding to set up a proper service with an office and staff, both volunteers and paid staff. The service is now a registered charity with over 30 staff and hundreds of clients. It's a great service too. Not only is there a drop in group but they also have group activities such as organised walks, trips to the theatre, going out for meals etc.

Kaily

I had many similar experiences to this. Week after week for over a year I would turn up to these sessions, drinking diary in hand (even though I was a all day daily drinker) and kept being told to just cut down but don't stop. Then I was put on a preparation for detox course 3 times! But they said they wouldn't help me detox because I live on my own and it was too dangerous. On and on it went, ridiculous when I look back but I was beyond desperate and at the time it was I thought my only hope. I was told if I kept attending I would get into rehab but it never happened. Total waste of time and broken promises.

My drinking then got even worse so I could no longer attend as was never sober enough. I'm sober now with the help of SR and as I like to say the stars aligned. Long may it continue.

Dee74

I’ve had some great counselling and some not so good.It’s the way of everything. Personally, I’m glad I didn’t give up on getting help because of a few bad fits with therapists.

D

Mac4711

Admittedly, these nuggets seems very basic, but I think especially at the beginning folks need simple guidelines. How often have I read here something along the lines of ‘I am 12 days sober. Next week my alcoholic brother’s friends are throwing a birthday party for him, I think I need to go there.”
Yes, ‘avoid places where alcohol is present is present’ seems obvious, but then again common sense is not that common, especially when we are in early recovery.

DriGuy

The last counselor I saw, and I only saw her once, was at a recovery agency in my town. She told me she wouldn't talk to me unless I went to AA and stopped drinking. She added that AA seemed to work better than counseling. OK, but I kept thinking, "If I went to AA and stopped drinking, why would I want to talk to you?" I never saw her again, except once when I met her on the street about 6 months later. She asked how things were going, and I told her I had quit. She seemed pleased, and that was the sum total of our conversation.

Robbie64

It's standard practice in the UK that if you are doing a home detox that you need someone to stay with you as it can be very dangerous. Not just because there's the risk of a heart attack or a stroke etc due to withdrawal but also because the nurse who will call and see you every day has to leave a lot of tablets with you (usually valium or librium) and there is the risk of overdose or of the person becoming disorientated.

The local clinic where people would be admitted to dry out and to detox closed several years ago and basically here in the north east it's largely home detoxes these days unless you are so ill that you have to be admitted to hospital. But there no longer is a specialist hospital for people detoxing. I don't know if there are better options in London but there certainly isn't up here.

Robbie64

That happened to me once. I'd been seeing a counsellor and several months after my counselling sessions ended I met her in the street. Talk about it being awkward. I'd gotten on fine with her so we had a little chat but I just wanted to get away! It felt very awkward making small talk with a counsellor outside in the street. Again, like yourself she asked how things were going and I told her I had quit which I hadn't really but I'd not drank for nearly a fortnight so I must have sounded (or looked) convincing.

Hodd

Therein lies another thread. I took out a life insurance policy recently, just to cover the mortgage in case I meet an untimely end. Obviously an insurer wants to know about health, and if I did drop dead, they’d check my medical records which would have showed I was a heavy drinker and had counselling. The only sensible option therefore was to declare my history. The insurer asked for a GP report, so I saw my GP to give an update.

My GP didn’t believe I’d quit. She was typing into her system, but her words were, “I’m just typing what you’re telling me.” Luckily I’d paid for a private liver fibroscan and blood test overseas and had brought the reports along. The bloods were fine, and the fibroscan showed zero (no detectable) fat on my liver. That changed her tune and she started to believe me. The insurer did too as the premiums weren’t affected.

The rumour is that GPs double whatever a patient says when asked how much they drink. I guess counsellors have a similar view. As ex-drinkers, we’ll have to do a lot to convince people we definitely have quit.