Back to day 5 but i did a good thing
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Chicago
Posts: 252
Back to day 5 but i did a good thing
Hey so I'm back to day 5 now i believe.. hope you guys aren't sick of me with the back and forth relapsing LOL I hate to be that person but I just want to keep trying every time so I don't go into a long binge.....
This time I must say I feel good about it and secure in my decision. After the other day of giving it yet again another try stupidly the next day I flushed my drugs and poured my booze and then I actually deleted my drug dealer number and he actually lives two blocks behind my house way too convenient so that has not been helping!
over the past two years I have deleted his number several times but there was always a way that when I went back into my call log I would find random numbers I would look at the last day and approximate time that I called him and I would find it and one time I even found it in the Google cloud of my backup numbers... Well this time I deleted my whole entire call log and my whole entire text log and all my backup numbers and I don't know anyone else who knows his number or knows where to get drugs.
On my last stint of 59 days I never deleted his number or got rid of my booze because the way that I saw it if you're going to quit something you're going to quit something regardless if you have the ability to do it or not the way that I was thinking about it it was a cop out to just delete a number and then think that's going to solve all the problems but the reality is every time I try to quit on my sixth or seventh day I end up calling my dealer and then when I get high I like to drink. When I'm not high I don't even like to drink and I can only drink no more than two drinks and then I crave drugs and if I can't get drugs then I just stop drinking because it's too boring. All that to say drugs is the gateway to my drinking and it feels good not being able to get it (easily anyway)
I know a time will come when i may see him in passing or perhaps come into contact with someone who drinks or uses again and then that will be my test to say no... Hopefully by then i will be much stronger and be able to resist... Cop out or not it feels extremely freeing knowing i cant have a craving tomorrow and get instant delivery. To me the option is just gone.... Just getting over the initial anxiety and sleep issues. Usually after day 5 is when i start to feel more like myself.
Today i had a bad day and i would have made that call if i still had the number. It has passed now and i feel fine...
I know that was long winded... Just glad to be here and that i jumped right back on the wagon after the other day. I plan to be active here daily, thanks for listening!
over the past two years I have deleted his number several times but there was always a way that when I went back into my call log I would find random numbers I would look at the last day and approximate time that I called him and I would find it and one time I even found it in the Google cloud of my backup numbers... Well this time I deleted my whole entire call log and my whole entire text log and all my backup numbers and I don't know anyone else who knows his number or knows where to get drugs.
On my last stint of 59 days I never deleted his number or got rid of my booze because the way that I saw it if you're going to quit something you're going to quit something regardless if you have the ability to do it or not the way that I was thinking about it it was a cop out to just delete a number and then think that's going to solve all the problems but the reality is every time I try to quit on my sixth or seventh day I end up calling my dealer and then when I get high I like to drink. When I'm not high I don't even like to drink and I can only drink no more than two drinks and then I crave drugs and if I can't get drugs then I just stop drinking because it's too boring. All that to say drugs is the gateway to my drinking and it feels good not being able to get it (easily anyway)
I know a time will come when i may see him in passing or perhaps come into contact with someone who drinks or uses again and then that will be my test to say no... Hopefully by then i will be much stronger and be able to resist... Cop out or not it feels extremely freeing knowing i cant have a craving tomorrow and get instant delivery. To me the option is just gone.... Just getting over the initial anxiety and sleep issues. Usually after day 5 is when i start to feel more like myself.
Today i had a bad day and i would have made that call if i still had the number. It has passed now and i feel fine...
I know that was long winded... Just glad to be here and that i jumped right back on the wagon after the other day. I plan to be active here daily, thanks for listening!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Chicago
Posts: 252
Hmmm
Well not having access is huge but not a fix all like i said... My elliptical came today so that's good my goal is 90 min spread out throughout the day... and ive been on a pretty strict regimine with my language learning so im trying to make myself a daily schedule... I do better when im busy and have goals... Post here daily too... Also have a close friend in the program she said we should check in daily with eachother.... Thats all i can think of for now
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Chicago
Posts: 252
Good plan-agree with courage
I have a list if three things to do when strong cravings hit
Drink water/ eat something
Do push-ups or take a short walk
Free write in a journal for ten minutes
Do all three, or however many until cravings pass.
It works
I have a list if three things to do when strong cravings hit
Drink water/ eat something
Do push-ups or take a short walk
Free write in a journal for ten minutes
Do all three, or however many until cravings pass.
It works
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)