Gabe1980

Hi Everyone,

I'm Gabe. I have been a member here since 2017 and I am still working on staying sober. I manage it 90% of the time and I'm still working on the other 10%. Just like a lot of you, I have difficulty with acceptance and that long-term commitment to myself that I need to be sober for the rest of my life.

I do have a commitment to keep trying, to keep evolving, to keep learning how to love and value myself and to keep learning how to be a better person. I try to apply this everyday and with the people that I know (or don't know) and that I love.

These times are crazy and scary. I am one of the vulnerable groups with a lung condition. I have moved in with my parents, who are elderly (my mum has just had a knee replacement) for the next 12 weeks. I have said goodbye to my beautiful husband, who is working in our city hospital and won't be able to see him (or touch him) for quite a while.

I feel blessed to have the support I have.

I will be here everyday and I just want to offer support to anyone who feels the need to connect or feels isolated. You can PM me or check into this thread.

I have always wanted to have more 'TIME', that was always the complaint, the dream, the excuse. Well......I have that time now and I really want to honor that and be available if people need me.

Looking forward to getting to know you all more. Gabe

Dee74

What a wonderful offer Gabe

D

Reid82

Hello Gabe,

Thanks for the thread. I struggled with acceptance for a long time too. For a few years, I was like that, staying sober about 96/97% of the time, the problem was the other few % when I was drunk were disasters so that didn't work in the long term.

Today six years ago I went into my first Treatment, I was in a bad way. I always thought I could control it after leaving, which as mentioned above, that didn't work out great! When I finally threw in the towel fully, then things started to take shape. I'm sober 320 days today now this time around and am not going back to test the waters again.

And yes these are very trying times, so we need all the extra support we can get.

tomls

Gabe!!

Gabe1980

Hey Reid. 320 days is just brilliant. I think that is the point we all have to get to - just saying enough is enough. When I drink it's a blackout binge for a couple of days, sometimes more. Then I pull it together, say I am sorry and I'm forgiven. I think that has been what is keeping me stuck. I do alright the rest of the time but know I will be forgiven. It's not about that now - I want to be myself, my best when I can and I want to stop putting myself through the shame and pain of this.

Every time I drink , it's chips away at my soul. I am actively developing a nurturer in myself that I've never had before. It's helping! Thank you for posting and I am glad you are on your path now xx

ShiftHappens

Thank you Gabe⚘

Gabe1980

Morning everyone,

I hope you are all doing okay today. My anxiety has been all over the place. It seems to be worse in the morning and then calms down a bit later. This yoga exercise is really helping with that. It's not demanding and really relaxing. Give it a go if you are feeling a bit overwhelmed;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yzm3fA2HhkQ&t=75s

Working today and doing my first Zoom meeting. I'm so rubbish at technology, this working from home is a real learning curve.

So is living with my parents again............my dad said to me 'you are not planning on going on a bender are you? I've got a table of drink over there and I don't want to have to hide it'........I may have taken that badly in the past but actually had a chuckle about it. He just doesn't know how to deal with these things and it wouldn't occur to him to ask how I am feeling about it.

Little does he know I went back on antabuse when I made the decision to come and live with them. Nobody, including myself, should have to deal with me falling of the rails and there are triggers galore here. It was the right decision and I feel good about it.

Have a good day and stay well

Dee74

I find I'm settling down now Gabe.

I've embraced the possibility of the worst case scenario yet hopeful for the best case scenario.

D

venuscat

I also have a lot of anxiety....I always do to an extent, so yes, I really need some tools....I don't do yoga but I am into breathing exercises big time to calm down.
Right now, at 10am, this is my head-spinning time of the day.

Personally, I am 99% hopeful re the best case scenario here, but the people close to me are not doing so well during this. My sister in particular is having a terrible time over all of our family's FB conversation over this....I said the obvious thing....please stop reading it.

Now she thinks she is sick, and I know others who are worried they have the virus.

I need to be the calm in the storm here....I have the training and the skills.

And I guess I need support here too.

Thank you darling Gabe for starting this thread. s ❤️
Sending you love and prayers for your health and your parents, and thank you to your wonderful husband for being on the front lines in this. God bless him. ❤️

And your dad's comment cracked me up.

wiscsober

This time around I really went to the core of the disease and addressed shame and isolation.

Gabe1980

Hey lovely Suze. I know what you mean about the anxiety peaking in the morning. That is always my high time but me emotions are really all over the place just now - like most of us I suspect.

I love this meditation channel on Youtube (the guy has a lovely soothing voice);

https://www.youtube.com/results?sear...=mindful+peace

You might like it. I'm finding yoga, meditation and getting out walking to be the most helpful things. I am also eating a ton of chocolate and probably drinking too much coffee (I'm gonna work on that - it's no good.)

I have people I know now coming down with the virus too. That is hard. My husband is a wee star, so is my niece, she works in the ICU ward as a nurse. I think we are all struggling together and separately too.

have people here but I feel lonely. I love my folks but they are catastrophizers and my dad can be very angry/negative. It's really triggering for me but I am grateful to be warm, fed and have a safe place to be. Perspective I guess....

Thank you for posting and remember you need as much care as you always give.....

Gabe1980

That's amazing Wisc, and sounds like it was hard work. Any ideas or suggestions on doing that work would be much appreciated....

I find it continues to have it hooks in my mind despite all the amazing things that I have experienced during sober months. I guess that's the insanity of it.......I still can't properly let it go xx

Kris47

Terrific thread started here.
Toward the end of my drinking, I really started to isolate. I mean, who would want to be around me. I didn't even want to be around myself. Loneliness was at an all time high after my husbands death. I was sober. I finally realized that God got me through all that, so he definitley has other plans for me.

There's that "Daily reprieve contingent upon the maintainance of my spiritual condition."

A little yoga nidra by liz Hill helps as well. I'm off to check out your utube link.

Hope you can keep your lung condition in check.

Thanks, Gabe.

Mags1

Hi Gabe,

I’m in lockdown too! 12 weeks of social shielding. Got my letter yesterday. There was a lot of ifs and buts , and now I’ve accepted it.

As for concerns about drinking. I had got to the stage where I know I needed to stop, knew I couldn’t do it alone, was too ashamed to get help.

If you’re drinking 10% of the time, it might be a good idea to agree with your dad about locking his booze away. Drinking would add fuel to the fire, make any anxieties much worse.

One day at a time, though seeing those words used to really annoy me, I found really helped.

Here and now is all we are certain of. Our precious present.

You can do this.

Lines

Very thoughtful post Gabe.
and good for you thinking ahead about how you might feel being at your dad's with the liquor, and taking a precautionary step to protect yourself with the Rx.

wiscsober

With the isolation I did drink alone and preferred it that way. And if in public places, I was always wrapped up in my own thoughts. "If only you knew what I was thinking," seemed like a decent drunken mantra. This time around, I've been much more open on SR about the present and past. I've posted my progress on FB. I've let my boys know about my relapses, but now recovery. As well as my sibs, cuzzes, and neighbors. It is amazing the support that has come from far and near. Everyone is pulling for me.

ShilohWon

Hi there, I'm Shiloh. I'm Canadian. Nice to meet you. I will be checking this thread whenever I log in. I hope you are well. These are stressful times. Stay safe everyone.

wiscsober

Welcome Shiloh

Gabe1980

I always loved hearing about your faith Kris and your relationship with God...I've been developing a spirituality or connectedness that has been underpinning my journey in recovery but it wavers a lot.

I think the hardest thing for me has been learning to be around people and to be comfortable. I find that really hard a times and that was what my drinking is all about.

I'm taking Antabuse for the next few months. Its a good decision and I feel safe. There are quite a few emotional challenges living back with my parents and the worst thing I could have done was drink here. My grandad was an alcoholic and my Mum just can't cope with that behaviour. I don't deserve to put myself through it either!

Feeling a bit more settled today. I hope you are okay too 💓

Gabe1980

Hi Shiloh, lovely to have you here 💓