caretaker88

Hi... This is my first time posting in this group. I have been on the Friends and Family group on and off for the last few years. The reason why I am posting here today is that I am beginning to think I have a problem myself. The last couple of years I started to drink more often, to the point now where it is every day and around 8-10 drinks a day, sometimes more on the weekends. I have been blacking out pretty frequently- like I won't remember conversations or arguments I have had with my SO or remember episodes of a show we watched the night before. I am starting to be kind of afraid. Alcoholism runs deep in my family and I learned codependency at an early age because of it. I just never thought I would be on the other side of this disease. I know I have a problem, because I can't just have a couple of drinks. I have to drink until I am drunk. I just don't get it. I mean, I want to quit, but I am afraid of what that might mean, if that makes any sense? I didn't drink for years when my kids were little and it was never an issue for me. I started dating an alcoholic in 2012 after my divorce and I would drink with him, really get drunk with him, but it was really only on the weekends. How did you come to the realization that you had a problem?

doggonecarl

I went to extraordinary lengths to convince myself I wasn't alcoholic, because if I wasn't an alcoholic, I didn't have to quit.

When did I realize that I had a problem? After a night of uncontrolled drinking, I awoke and in a moment of clarity, saw my drinking for what it was, and where it was headed. Once I quit, the struggle to stay quit convinced me I was an alcoholic.

Dee74

welcome to this side of the board Caretaker

Posting here is a pretty good indication that you think it's a problem...which is the main thing.

for what its worth your pattern looks a lot like my old pattern

It got worse for me before I quit - it will be great if you can convince yourself to jump off the crazy train now instead of later?

D

tornrealization

I was 26 when I knew I had a problem, 28 when I first saw this site. Blackouts. A lot of blackouts and my friends not believing it was a thing, now I’m 41, no blackouts since I quit. Blackouts are scary, but I sadly got used to them, shrugged it off as normal. ...they aren’t. So that’s my experience, I wish you the best in your journey, this site is great for help. I would post the same question in newcomers thread, that is very active and you’ll get more responses and people sharing.

Hevyn

Hi Caretaker -I'm glad you're taking a look at what alcohol is doing to your life. I was married to an alcoholic & started drinking with him. It took both of us down eventually. Never thought it would be me. I realized I had a problem when each time I drank it led to being drunk & reckless - no control whatsoever after the first drink hit my system. In the end, I drank all day every day - completely dependent on it. Be glad you're warned & take action - we're with you.

caretaker88

I just know where it leads... It was absolute hell living through my relationship with my AXBF. It was hell on his kids and on mine. I don't want to put my kids through this. I know they are old enough now to know what is going on and I am scared. I am also afraid to quit. Like I will lose friendships or miss out on things. I know that is incredibly selfish. When I sober up, I feel so much guilt, but then I do it all over again the next night. I am currently (at this exact moment) sober, but I don't know if I am ready to give it up.

caretaker88

Thank you Torn. I will do that. I appreciate the responses I've received so far. Thank you.

doggonecarl

Well, until you are, you won't.

D122y

It wasn't about knowing I was ready to quit. It was a trick

That was my av doing and saying anything good, bad, indifferent, happy, sad.....anything.

I still make up reasons to get angry on my drive home from work.

But, now I know it is my addiction.

At about 3 weeks, my av would say, I am board, let's drink.

At 2 months, my sister got married, lets drink.

After about 3 months clean my av was screaming at me for a drink. I was demonstrating many symptoms of insanity. I googled it.

Now, i am pretty normal. I spot folks going through what appears to be detox and withdrawals all the time at work.

It is great having living breathing examples of active addiction in my face all the time.

It makes the lifestyle change so worth it.

Thanks.

lessgravity

I came to the "realization that I had a problem" long, long before I was able to quit for good. For those of us who can't control our consumption once we start, who is to say when we first knew? More importantly, you are here now, looking for help, wanting to quit. That's wonderful and you will find the wisdom and support to help you quit here. The people here did it more me, and many others. A better life is waiting for you.

HeadEast

Honestly? I realized I had a problem when I started posting mean and hurtful things on Facebook. I think we all were afraid to quit at one point or another. I realized I needed to quit and it took me about 3 to 4 years before I finally did. I lost about 10 years of my life. I've never been to AA, but is that an option for you? There are many other resources available listed on this site. I started having a problem in my 50's, and it wasn't a problem before. Make the decision to quit and do it. There is no better time than today.

least

I knew I had to stop drinking when I was waking up each morning feeling horrible and hating myself and wishing I were dead. I just got sick and tired of feeling awful. I've been sober over 10 yrs now and don't regret a day of it. And never once have I woken up sober and feeling good and wished I had drank the night before.

Steph1h2

Part of my realization was when I realised how much time I was spending trying to convince others I didnt have a problem as well as myself...That if I werent bored then I wouldnt need to drink or if my partner had more time for me and didnt work so much etc etc...
Also the same as you waking up and not remembering shows I had watched or arguments i had been part of and then acting like everything was fine the next day.
I hadnt been in control really for many years but it got to a point where I just knew it was completely out of control and it terrified me...I terrified me.
The first thing I done was went to my gp/mental health practitioner and explained everything. I also had quite intense counselling for 6 months and gave up a lot of the negatives in my life including my relationship, my home, my job at the time.
I know some of this isnt always possible or necessary as everyone and their situations are different but if you could seek advice from a professional then that would definitely be a great place to start.

JTele

No truer words have been said! However, if you realize you have a problem, it's better to do something about it now rather than later, for things do tend to get worse better getting better.

Funny thing is, I only quit this last time because I was having a few hesitations with an upcoming surgical operation. I just wanted to be feeling healthy and stable when going on the anesthesia (that's another story in itself). What I didn't realize is that I had become addicted to this poison once again, even though I wasn't drinking anywhere near as much alcohol as I did when I first joined SR in 2011. This experience has only taught me that I can never consider drinking again.

MaximusD

Caretaker, I would say that you have developed a problem. Kudos to you for recognizing it and posting here. I would just quit. Many people quit just for the health benefits and aren't even alcoholics.

fishkiller

When I tried to stop and couldn't.
Well actually it had to be before that or I wouldn't have tried to quit.
Not sure.

I would say give it up. There are only positives being sober and only negatives being drunk.

DriGuy

I remember those little questions I too asked way back when: "Do I have a problem with alcohol?" I wasn't nearly as advanced as you are now, although eventually, I got that bad, although I never had a full blown blackout. A couple of times I couldn't remember the evening before, but I don't think those were blackouts.

At 10 drinks a day, you are asking a reasonable question. My thinking is that you should quit, and if you are thinking about controlling your consumption, I can confidently tell you that won't work if you are an alcoholic. Get ready to embrace life long abstinence, and while that sounds undesirable, if not impossible, the good news is that it s quite possible, totally desirable, and a wonderful feeling of freedom. I know it's beyond your imagination right now. You just have to get there, and then you will understand.

Cynix

When you get diagnosed with possible alcohol neuropathy you know its bad throw in massive anxiety and panic and it's a place i wouldn't wish anyone to be in.

saying that i just blew 38 days sober yesterday had a lot of beer so being a idiot is also part of my problem.

Just glad it's Sunday might get anxiety under control for work tomorrow body is screaming at me to go to shop and buy beer, i poured everything down sink last night that was left.

sugarbear1

Alcohol made me feel comfortable in my own skin. Without alcohol, I needed something else to make me feel okay in my own skin.

Alcohol was my solution and now I need a new one. I found it in the 12 steps of AA, but there are other ways to stay stopped, too!

Anna

If you want to stop drinking and you can't, then it's a problem. If alcohol is causing problems in your life, I hope you decide to join us and stop for good.