I just know where it leads... It was absolute hell living through my relationship with my AXBF. It was hell on his kids and on mine. I don't want to put my kids through this. I know they are old enough now to know what is going on and I am scared. I am also afraid to quit. Like I will lose friendships or miss out on things. I know that is incredibly selfish. When I sober up, I feel so much guilt, but then I do it all over again the next night. I am currently (at this exact moment) sober, but I don't know if I am ready to give it up.