Ghostlight1

Hey Y'all,

Never thought know it all me would be asking for advice, but I need it.
I've got a friend who drinks a lot. I mean every night. Not a lot as compared to how much I drank, but enough.
I've know him for thirty five years and am in a quandary and don't know what to do.

He told me two days ago he's going to quit drinking, and he drinks rum and coke, for his diet.
I don't think he can do it. In fact, by his text this evening I think he's drinking now.
He actually brags about how much and often he drinks. He drinks in the morning and sees nothing wrong with it.

So, my question is, what do I do? Or do I just stay out of his business altogether?
Do I say something? Do I leave it alone?
I want to help, but remember how I felt when someone told me I drank too much when I was active. Resentment.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanx.

ThatWasTheOldMe

To be honest:

Next time he tells you he's gonna quit drinking, I would say something like, "Hey, just be careful if you quit cold turkey because I heard it can cause weird symptoms for your nervous system. I've been told that people even get seizures, it would be smart to consult a doctor and be blatantly honest about how much alcohol you have been consuming."

This way you're not being a jerk, but you're also striking the idea in his head that his drinking is probably not normal. And moreover, he's less likely to have a medical emergency in an unsupervised setting.

Ghostlight1

That is a very good idea. He goes to the doctor quite regularly for some problems. I think I will drop that hint to ask about it next he goes.
And even if he isn't going soon, the rest of what you said makes sense also.
Thanks.

fini

well, he told you he was going to quit, so my impression of that is that he DOES see “something wrong” with it, regardless whether he is still drinking or not.
and it’s great that it has already come up as a topic of conversation, so an opening is there.
i would likely just ask how it’s going with the quitting effort and reiterate that i have some experience with drinking and quitting and i would offer to share that, if he is interested.

Ghostlight1

Very good idea. I'll ask him how it's going. He's pretty upfront with me.
We were drinking buddies, so he's knows how bad I was.
But I'll ask him. Good idea.

least

I would casually ask how the sobriety is going and see what he says. Perhaps, if the opportunity is there, say something to him about your sobriety and the struggle to get sober. Just let him know you understand.

I hope he'll stop drinking.

givingback

You are a good friend.

SoberRican

The sober seed has been planted. Thats good you are a cool friend. Being this is a selfish disease. Like they say give it away in order to keep it. Giving him the heads up on the cold turkey move is also cool. Cause you is not lieing about it. Gives him a chance to think it out. For the master plan. ✌

AAPJ

Maybe offer to take him to a meeting? As someone else said you are a good friend.

Ghostlight1

Thank you all very much. Some very wise advice here.
Yes, I think I'll mention 'How's the quitting drinking going?'
I think the idea to offer to take him to a meeting is a good one, too. I was thinking about that.
I'll ask him tonight how it's going.

Thanks again !

DontRemember

I would have never went to a meeting with a close friend. Meetings,again for me,were my 'safe place' to focus on myself and my problem and I don't think I would have been as 'open/honest' about my problem with my buddy setting there. Again..that's just me and there's nothing wrong with offering.

AAPJ

I understand your thinking but I don't think it's an all or nothing choice. I go to meetings with my wife some of the time. Other times we go to separate meetings for just the reasons mentioned above.

DriGuy

It probably depends, but on what, I'm not quite sure. I have a friend like that and I stay out of his business. Even when I let it slip that he drinks too much one time, he got defensive and resentful. I don't want that in our relationship.

This is especially hard when it's a friend. We have been friends since college, and I'd certainly put him in the top two or three of my closest and long lasting of friends. It would be easier to tell him if I were not so close. He hasn't killed himself yet, so I overlook it. He's still in fairly good health.

Ghostlight1

Thanks to both of you.
My friend isn't the type to go to a first meeting alone. If he were to go, I know I'd have to go with him, which is fine and I know just the meeting we could go to.

I know this person very well. I texted him last nigh and asked how the not drinking was going, but he had an accident and is in a lot of pain. He's in the E R now.
We have a very long term, trusting relationship so I don't feel uncomfortable at all about drinking.
I should have mentioned, if I didn't already, he knows he has a problem. He may not be dead yet but the sauce isn't exactly helping his health.

I'll wait for the right moment and casually ask him how it's going.
Thanks for the replies, ya'all are aces

HeadEast

No matter what you decide to do, I would go slow. Baby steps as they say.

HTown

I think he knows you do not drink anymore and he is asking for your help in his way. He brought it up. This is a good thing. Absolutely discuss withdrawl. Maybe suggest rehab or a doctor’s help. Go to meetings with him. Try to get him to seek out help and he doesn’t have to go it alone.

Ghostlight1

Good thoughts.
He may be asking for help just by saying, "I'm not going to drink any more."
He wasn't drinking yesterday, as far as I could tell. His resolve sounds strong.
I think he may have had some kind of scare, like an anxiety attack during a bad hangover.
I'll call him again today and see how he's doing. But he tried to hide his drinking, so I'm not too sure. And he's laid up from an accident which worries me.
I'm going to be sublime about my approach. I just want him to know he's not alone and that I understand.