BAC track monitoring
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 93
BAC track monitoring
AH wants to be on alcohol monitoring. He says that he wants to be sober and that this will keep him sober and accountable. His idea not me asking him to submit to it. He says that he needs it to stay strong and not drink and that this will serve as a deterrent. We did order it and it arrives tomorrow. He wants to test 4 times a day and share results with me and his sponsor. I asked why this would make any difference as meetings sponsor therapy do not. He feels it is a big deterrent and that he wants to show accountability and feels that knowing we will see it will be a strong deterrent. He plans on 4 times a day. Waking up lunchtime 5 pm and bed. I am not convinced but figure it can’t hurt. I was clear that if it says anything other than zero that i am still of the same mindset- which is we cannot stay married. Thoughts?
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Laur, when I was new here, I thought that as long as XAH had no alcohol in his bloodstream, things would be hunky dory. It took me quite a while and a lot of knocking my head against the wall to realize that what I wanted was a partner who treated me with respect, consideration, honesty and kindness, and while being alcohol-free was certainly a necessary first step towards that end, it was only that--a first step. A lack of alcohol in his body didn't guarantee me that he'd be the person I thought he was or felt he could be, so my focus was really in the wrong place.
In your case, I'd suggest that you think about where your focus is, and if that's where it really should be. I understand that he suggested this, not you. I guess maybe ask yourself the same question you asked him--why will this make a difference in you being done w/your marriage (if you are, that is) when the other things he's tried haven't?
One more thing--if you've read around the forum, you've probably seen that alcoholics have tried to trick SoberLink w/air from an airhose and from a can of compressed air, among other things. Don't be surprised if your A finds a variety of tricks and excuses related to problems w/the results of the test.
In your case, I'd suggest that you think about where your focus is, and if that's where it really should be. I understand that he suggested this, not you. I guess maybe ask yourself the same question you asked him--why will this make a difference in you being done w/your marriage (if you are, that is) when the other things he's tried haven't?
One more thing--if you've read around the forum, you've probably seen that alcoholics have tried to trick SoberLink w/air from an airhose and from a can of compressed air, among other things. Don't be surprised if your A finds a variety of tricks and excuses related to problems w/the results of the test.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 194
I think it's good that he brought up the idea of monitoring. At least he is looking for accountability. In my situation, my AH found ways around it (using other forms of air), which I discovered much later from Sober Link. My AH did say he wanted accountability originally. But that's just my AH's experience. Your AH could be in a different place. I can say that at least in my situation, the company sent me dates and times of when the falsification occurred. That can always be useful to you, just as it's a tool to use a BAC to generate trust.
I guess I'm saying the BAC monitoring is just objective data, and will that data actually be enough to change someone's actions? Are there consequences to back that up? What happens the first, second, third time if he fails a test?
I guess I'm saying the BAC monitoring is just objective data, and will that data actually be enough to change someone's actions? Are there consequences to back that up? What happens the first, second, third time if he fails a test?
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Personally? I would absolutely not get involved with this.
4 weeks ago he was trying to convince his family that you are evil incarnate and lying about his drinking (which was straight from a bottle of vodka).
So a few weeks later he somehow decides being accountable to you will solve his alcoholism.
He only needs to be accountable to himself. It's his issue and his responsibility to address it (or not).
Now all of a sudden you get dragged in to it. What happens if he fails one time. What happens if he decides to skip a few days. Do you have to ask him where his test is, do you say but you are the one that decided to be accountable to me and <sponsor>. Do you think, well he didn't submit the tests from Saturday night and Sunday morning, what does that mean?? I think you already know how that will go.
So, for me - this would be a total no-go.
4 weeks ago he was trying to convince his family that you are evil incarnate and lying about his drinking (which was straight from a bottle of vodka).
So a few weeks later he somehow decides being accountable to you will solve his alcoholism.
He only needs to be accountable to himself. It's his issue and his responsibility to address it (or not).
Now all of a sudden you get dragged in to it. What happens if he fails one time. What happens if he decides to skip a few days. Do you have to ask him where his test is, do you say but you are the one that decided to be accountable to me and <sponsor>. Do you think, well he didn't submit the tests from Saturday night and Sunday morning, what does that mean?? I think you already know how that will go.
So, for me - this would be a total no-go.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 194
Yeah, unfortunately a lot of "wanting accountability" is quacking...especially after an intense period of lying about drinking and finger-pointing. He is desperate. It's just one small tool in what needs to be a giant toolbox of his own making.
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 93
Trailmix he is doing this of his own volition.
regardless of me. I told him if this gets you sober fine. He is doing it in combination with meetings and therapy. I don’t see a down side.
This does not mean in any way that i think this is a solution or that i am giving him a pass. He is well aware i am still out unless he gets sober and does the work to change.
regardless of me. I told him if this gets you sober fine. He is doing it in combination with meetings and therapy. I don’t see a down side.
This does not mean in any way that i think this is a solution or that i am giving him a pass. He is well aware i am still out unless he gets sober and does the work to change.
Originally Posted by trailmix 
Personally? I would absolutely not get involved with this.
4 weeks ago he was trying to convince his family that you are evil incarnate and lying about his drinking (which was straight from a bottle of vodka).
So a few weeks later he somehow decides being accountable to you will solve his alcoholism.
He only needs to be accountable to himself. It's his issue and his responsibility to address it (or not).
Now all of a sudden you get dragged in to it. What happens if he fails one time. What happens if he decides to skip a few days. Do you have to ask him where his test is, do you say but you are the one that decided to be accountable to me and <sponsor>. Do you think, well he didn't submit the tests from Saturday night and Sunday morning, what does that mean?? I think you already know how that will go.
So, for me - this would be a total no-go.
4 weeks ago he was trying to convince his family that you are evil incarnate and lying about his drinking (which was straight from a bottle of vodka).
So a few weeks later he somehow decides being accountable to you will solve his alcoholism.
He only needs to be accountable to himself. It's his issue and his responsibility to address it (or not).
Now all of a sudden you get dragged in to it. What happens if he fails one time. What happens if he decides to skip a few days. Do you have to ask him where his test is, do you say but you are the one that decided to be accountable to me and <sponsor>. Do you think, well he didn't submit the tests from Saturday night and Sunday morning, what does that mean?? I think you already know how that will go.
So, for me - this would be a total no-go.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Laur…...this is splitting hairs.....but, I can see a potential loophole in his plan.
If his wakeup time is 6AM....there would be 13hrs. in between. The alcoholic, if he wanted to---could have two or three drinks after the 5PM testing....and, have a comfortable time to be sober by the wakeup testing.
While he might, truly want to stay sober, right now...but, that alcoholic voice, whispering in his ear, might convince him that he could do some "controlled drinking", in the evenings. Of course, that is a slippery slope for the alcoholic because they can't have ANY drinking.....
So, what I am saying is that his testing plan does not prove sobriety......if that is his goal. I have a feeling that he might want to "prove to you" that he is sober. at some point.
If his wakeup time is 6AM....there would be 13hrs. in between. The alcoholic, if he wanted to---could have two or three drinks after the 5PM testing....and, have a comfortable time to be sober by the wakeup testing.
While he might, truly want to stay sober, right now...but, that alcoholic voice, whispering in his ear, might convince him that he could do some "controlled drinking", in the evenings. Of course, that is a slippery slope for the alcoholic because they can't have ANY drinking.....
So, what I am saying is that his testing plan does not prove sobriety......if that is his goal. I have a feeling that he might want to "prove to you" that he is sober. at some point.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
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self-testing 4 x a day can get tedious. for anyone. don't be surprised if the initial "interest" wanes quickly. and be prepared for a lot of whacky excuses if the test registers anything but zero.
now this MAY be a helpful tool for him. more shall certainly be revealed. but i'm glad you aren't all starry eyed and woozy over it!!!
now this MAY be a helpful tool for him. more shall certainly be revealed. but i'm glad you aren't all starry eyed and woozy over it!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,648
Originally Posted by Laur12
Trailmix he is doing this of his own volition.
regardless of me. I told him if this gets you sober fine. He is doing it in combination with meetings and therapy. I don’t see a down side.
regardless of me. I told him if this gets you sober fine. He is doing it in combination with meetings and therapy. I don’t see a down side.
My only concern, for you, is that you just got the deputy badge. If he skips a few, if he is late testing etc etc - you then become the drinking police.
It's a trap that you don't want to be in I don't think?
I'm glad to hear he has all these other tools that he is working with and I personally want him to succeed, I hope he gets sober and everything gets resolved and you two live happily every after (I really do).
I'm sorry if my post sounds all nay-sayer-ish, I just hate to see you put in that position that could cause you a lot of worry and conflict. That's just my opinion though, of course. I hope you will post how this goes, I think it's an interesting approach if nothing else.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,548
I see, on his part, "if only" thinking. "If only I stop drinking , everything will be okay."
The reasons he decided to anesthetize himself to function in the world still have to be addressed. If he gives short shrift to therapy because he's not drinking, I suspect little progress will be made.
Wishing you luck, anyway!
The reasons he decided to anesthetize himself to function in the world still have to be addressed. If he gives short shrift to therapy because he's not drinking, I suspect little progress will be made.
Wishing you luck, anyway!
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,434
Just a quacking behavior to stall the consequences he is getting due to drinking.
If he really wants “proof” and incentive to stop, Soberlink would be a better choice as it is harder to game or avoid.
But I would have zero involvement whatsoever as he is trying to get you vested in his behavior and thus manipulate-able
If he really wants “proof” and incentive to stop, Soberlink would be a better choice as it is harder to game or avoid.
But I would have zero involvement whatsoever as he is trying to get you vested in his behavior and thus manipulate-able
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 93
I hear all of you
Thanks everyone for your honest replies. My eyes are open and I fully understand that being “monitored” is not going to get him sober on its own. If this were his only “tool” i would not believe it. He goes to meetings has a sponsor and goes to his therapy. I am not blind and i realize the situation may not change. And i am prepared to move on. But i feel like if he wants to do this it can’t hurt. He wants me to see the results and his sponsor so that he is accountable to himself and others. If by some miracle this helps him to get sober in combination with the rest that would be great. Yes i will see the results (even the rehab suggested this for building trust and accountability). But what i am not going to do is ask him to take the tests or question the results. I will know if he is still drinking and i will move forward accordingly. And obviously if and when he is truly sober which is the only way i will stay married to him I understand we have a ton to work through. I figure at this point why not let him try this.
ps I haven’t spoken to his parents in weeks. Has made my life 100 times more pleasant. I don’t care anymore that they are blind. I have a ton of great people in my life. No need for them.
ps I haven’t spoken to his parents in weeks. Has made my life 100 times more pleasant. I don’t care anymore that they are blind. I have a ton of great people in my life. No need for them.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
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My thoughts are that if he is doing this for HIM and it's something he has discussed with his sponsor, it's actually pretty cool. When I quit drinking, I took Antabuse the first 90 days; I couldn't get to my dr's office every day to get the dose, so I took it myself and had a sheaf of papers where each day was time noted, signed and witnessed. This was something my dr and I decided together- it was just another piece of my start to sobriety.
In no way was the med or this habit for anyone else but me.
In no way was the med or this habit for anyone else but me.
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by August252015
My thoughts are that if he is doing this for HIM and it's something he has discussed with his sponsor, it's actually pretty cool. When I quit drinking, I took Antabuse the first 90 days; I couldn't get to my dr's office every day to get the dose, so I took it myself and had a sheaf of papers where each day was time noted, signed and witnessed. This was something my dr and I decided together- it was just another piece of my start to sobriety.
In no way was the med or this habit for anyone else but me.
In no way was the med or this habit for anyone else but me.
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Maintain under regular surveillance.
This often happens as a stage of alcoholism. Some alcoholics make use of this period to embrace recovery.
Even Soberlink or Intoxalock cannot Cure, Control or Cause (the three C's
). Parking a vehicle, getting rides with other people, etc. are easy.
The disease of alcoholism is conniving. The alcoholic is battling for his or her life.
What I can do is "tend my own garden", as some of the 12 step readings say. Life doesn't have to suck!
This often happens as a stage of alcoholism. Some alcoholics make use of this period to embrace recovery.
Even Soberlink or Intoxalock cannot Cure, Control or Cause (the three C's
). Parking a vehicle, getting rides with other people, etc. are easy. The disease of alcoholism is conniving. The alcoholic is battling for his or her life.
What I can do is "tend my own garden", as some of the 12 step readings say. Life doesn't have to suck!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by Mango212
Maintain under regular surveillance.
This often happens as a stage of alcoholism. Some alcoholics make use of this period to embrace recovery.
Even Soberlink or Intoxalock cannot Cure, Control or Cause (the three C's). Parking a vehicle, getting rides with other people, etc. are easy.
The disease of alcoholism is conniving. The alcoholic is battling for his or her life.
What I can do is "tend my own garden", as some of the 12 step readings say. Life doesn't have to suck!
This often happens as a stage of alcoholism. Some alcoholics make use of this period to embrace recovery.
Even Soberlink or Intoxalock cannot Cure, Control or Cause (the three C's
). Parking a vehicle, getting rides with other people, etc. are easy.The disease of alcoholism is conniving. The alcoholic is battling for his or her life.
What I can do is "tend my own garden", as some of the 12 step readings say. Life doesn't have to suck!
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
FWIW -if he's talking about using the device called BACTrack to prove his sobriety: my ex tried to switch from SoberLink to BACTrack because the latter was cheaper, and when I looked into it I found that it's really easy to "game" BACTrack. It's marketed as a device for self-testing, e.g. if you're out at a bar and want to know whether you're over the legal limit to drive. It has third-party monitoring capability but that's really secondary (also, if you're doing third-party monitoring with BACTrack you have to scrutinize pictures of the user to determine whether they are really blowing into the tube or just screwing around - and you may not want to gaze at pictures of your AH every two hours).
So if he wants to do BACTrack for his own accountability, fine, but I think you are wise to stay away from being the person he reports to.
So if he wants to do BACTrack for his own accountability, fine, but I think you are wise to stay away from being the person he reports to.
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