Tricks for Anxiety
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,639
I have some tricks I use!
Not sure which physical symptoms you are referring to though (headache, digestive issues, trouble sleeping?). You just have to treat these as you go along, until you remove the issue these will just repeat.
One quick trick is to use a song, any little ditty that's easy to remember - like row row row your boat or some other favourite childhood song.
So say you are driving and start to have anxiety (or want to block out quacking) just sing the song in your head (or out loud!), doesn't have to be the whole song, pick a line and repeat. It's a good quick fix and distracts you from the anxiety temporarily.
Deep breathing, Breathe in to the count of 4 and out to the count of 4 slowly (remember the slowly part lol). Concentrate on the breathing. It's a good idea to do this even when you aren't particularly anxious as it can lower your anxiety during the day.
Get out, walk for 10 minutes.
Most important, remove what is causing you anxiety. Detach. It will not truly get much better if you don't remove the cause, mentally if not physically. The cause of your anxiety is hurting you, think of it like a physical injury, every time someone or something contributes to it they are bopping you on the head. This makes you tense and hurts your head. So you take some aspirin. The aspirin will fix it for now but you will get hit in the head again. Until you duck that person or thing hitting you (detach!) you are just covering.
This is a slippery slope and one I took a toboggan ride down. It's really hard to pull yourself back up from this. If possible I would recommend seeking professional help as well. A therapist can help perhaps.
How about acupuncture, massage, yoga (I have never tried these but many swear by them).
Above all else, don't give up fighting it and looking for solutions and never give in to the fear it causes.
Not sure which physical symptoms you are referring to though (headache, digestive issues, trouble sleeping?). You just have to treat these as you go along, until you remove the issue these will just repeat.
One quick trick is to use a song, any little ditty that's easy to remember - like row row row your boat or some other favourite childhood song.
So say you are driving and start to have anxiety (or want to block out quacking) just sing the song in your head (or out loud!), doesn't have to be the whole song, pick a line and repeat. It's a good quick fix and distracts you from the anxiety temporarily.
Deep breathing, Breathe in to the count of 4 and out to the count of 4 slowly (remember the slowly part lol). Concentrate on the breathing. It's a good idea to do this even when you aren't particularly anxious as it can lower your anxiety during the day.
Get out, walk for 10 minutes.
Most important, remove what is causing you anxiety. Detach. It will not truly get much better if you don't remove the cause, mentally if not physically. The cause of your anxiety is hurting you, think of it like a physical injury, every time someone or something contributes to it they are bopping you on the head. This makes you tense and hurts your head. So you take some aspirin. The aspirin will fix it for now but you will get hit in the head again. Until you duck that person or thing hitting you (detach!) you are just covering.
This is a slippery slope and one I took a toboggan ride down. It's really hard to pull yourself back up from this. If possible I would recommend seeking professional help as well. A therapist can help perhaps.
How about acupuncture, massage, yoga (I have never tried these but many swear by them).
Above all else, don't give up fighting it and looking for solutions and never give in to the fear it causes.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Recognize: Recognize it, be aware of it but don't become it. Where in your body do you feel it? How bad is it on a 1-10 scale. Off load the feeling by writing or talking about it. Feelings are always temporary.
Reframe: Reframe the pros and cons of acting on your feelings. What is your best available option for being happy? The only way you will stop desiring heavy substances and change your behavior is by seeing more happiness in the change than in the using. Do a spread sheet of Cost Benefit Analysis.
Replace: Empower yourself and regain control over helpless, powerless, trapped feelings with a high value activity that makes you feel in control. (exercise, music, read, pray, write: whatever you want to do that can be fun or of high value to you.
Reframe: Reframe the pros and cons of acting on your feelings. What is your best available option for being happy? The only way you will stop desiring heavy substances and change your behavior is by seeing more happiness in the change than in the using. Do a spread sheet of Cost Benefit Analysis.
Replace: Empower yourself and regain control over helpless, powerless, trapped feelings with a high value activity that makes you feel in control. (exercise, music, read, pray, write: whatever you want to do that can be fun or of high value to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 94
Thanks for all of the input; I will be putting it to use. Things have been calm but emotionally everything has come to a tearful head today and its all I can do to keep from boohooing.
I was at Alanon last night while my husband was at an AA meeting in the room down the hall from Alanon. In the middle of our meeting I hear a man yell, "Who made you so G-d d*mn special!". That man was my husband. He is always very proud of himself when he has the opportunity to use that line loudly on some poor soul who asks "why me". Maybe it has its place. I know someone used it on him early in his recovery and it shook him awake. It was still embarrassing.
He text me this afternoon asking why I haven't been social. I'm trying to keep the peace but told him my anxiety is high and its affecting me physically and I'm trying to address it. He wants to know why my anxiety is high and I said I shouldnt have to explain, but its his behavior over the last month that's been a lot to handle. Of course he doesn't understand how, so I said unprovoked rage, anger, threats, screaming, belittling which are all part of his power and control issues and they are wearing me out emotionally and physically. I told him I recognize it because I grew up with it.
He texts back, "Threats? What?"
I don't respond. I don't want to play the game where I must not be remembering correctly or that I'm exaggerating. I'm not. He has scared me. I'm tired, stressed, and on the verge of tears for the past couple of days, even though things have been good as of late. My poor intestines are taking the brunt of my anxiety.
I'm sure he will want to talk more about this when he gets home.
I was at Alanon last night while my husband was at an AA meeting in the room down the hall from Alanon. In the middle of our meeting I hear a man yell, "Who made you so G-d d*mn special!". That man was my husband. He is always very proud of himself when he has the opportunity to use that line loudly on some poor soul who asks "why me". Maybe it has its place. I know someone used it on him early in his recovery and it shook him awake. It was still embarrassing.
He text me this afternoon asking why I haven't been social. I'm trying to keep the peace but told him my anxiety is high and its affecting me physically and I'm trying to address it. He wants to know why my anxiety is high and I said I shouldnt have to explain, but its his behavior over the last month that's been a lot to handle. Of course he doesn't understand how, so I said unprovoked rage, anger, threats, screaming, belittling which are all part of his power and control issues and they are wearing me out emotionally and physically. I told him I recognize it because I grew up with it.
He texts back, "Threats? What?"
I don't respond. I don't want to play the game where I must not be remembering correctly or that I'm exaggerating. I'm not. He has scared me. I'm tired, stressed, and on the verge of tears for the past couple of days, even though things have been good as of late. My poor intestines are taking the brunt of my anxiety.
I'm sure he will want to talk more about this when he gets home.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,639
Originally Posted by Teehee 
Maybe it has its place. I know someone used it on him early in his recovery and it shook him awake. It was still embarrassing.
It could have the opposite effect and 5 newcomers may never darken the doors of AA again. This is just an example of his arrogance, nothing more. I hate to see you making excuses for his poor behaviour.
The only person he should be asking that question of is himself.
Why are you embarrassed, you did nothing wrong?
even though things have been good as of late
And if that is so, that's probably why you are feeling so awful. If you are not having to walk on eggshells and put our fires every 5 minutes you actually have time to look at this situation.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Teehee.....remember that you don't have to JADE......as a matter of fact, I expect that he will just lead you into a dead-end conversation....no matter what you say to him...He will try to make you wrong....
If you want to just shut him down so as not to stir the pot, too much and ignite too many "suspicions" from him.....
You might try this Old Chestnut------"I am feeling off-kilter, lately....It is a female problem---and, I am told that I need to be taking better care of myself.....so, please just excuse me if I don't seem like myself".....
If you want to just shut him down so as not to stir the pot, too much and ignite too many "suspicions" from him.....
You might try this Old Chestnut------"I am feeling off-kilter, lately....It is a female problem---and, I am told that I need to be taking better care of myself.....so, please just excuse me if I don't seem like myself".....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 94
Trailmix, thanks...No, I didn't think what he did was appropriate, but I'm not on that side to know what is; I try to stay hands off his meetings. I shouldn't have been embarrassed but I was. And, things are good right now only because he hasn't thrown a crazed temper tantrum, not because things are actually good by any normal stretch. The calm most certainly has given me more time to reflect, thus my emotions. No more screaming, yelling, stonewalling, gas lighting, blah blah. I just can't deal with it.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Teehee......well---personally I can think of a hundred retorts to that one...which would just up the conflict, though....as this is the kind of remark that is bound...absolutely bound.... to lead you, head first, down the rabbit hole….
Basically, it is saying that you are judging him.....and, he deserves a free pass.....
In this setting, I see that as a very provocative statement.....
Basically, it is saying that you are judging him.....and, he deserves a free pass.....
In this setting, I see that as a very provocative statement.....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,639
Notice how you text him this long text explaining why you are struggling and down and his response is huh, what? Completely discounting everything you just said.
No reflection or acknowledgement of your feelings.
Then he walks in and rushes over in concern and asks if you are feeling well enough to go out for a quiet dinner, or shows up with dinner - or he walks in defending himself.
You're right, he may not be off on a screaming tirade but nothing has changed, it's all about him. You will get no support there by the way. You could probably use another break, any chance you could go to your family's place for the weekend?
No reflection or acknowledgement of your feelings.
Then he walks in and rushes over in concern and asks if you are feeling well enough to go out for a quiet dinner, or shows up with dinner - or he walks in defending himself.
You're right, he may not be off on a screaming tirade but nothing has changed, it's all about him. You will get no support there by the way. You could probably use another break, any chance you could go to your family's place for the weekend?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Southern US
Posts: 510
I'll add to the conversation and say that I like to use vetiver essential oil. Either I apply it to my pulse points or diffuse it. It's got a real woodsy smell to it, so sometimes I mix it with lavender or orange (or both!) It sounds new-agey, but there is something about it that does seem to help reduce my stress.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
Posts: 816
His behavior - it's awful! What a mean bully!
You don't deserve this hostile emotional abuse/attacks and I hope
you see a way to peace and a life with people who
treat you with kindness and consideration. Why share
your reasons for the anxiety/stress? He is using it for
the next attack!
You don't deserve this hostile emotional abuse/attacks and I hope
you see a way to peace and a life with people who
treat you with kindness and consideration. Why share
your reasons for the anxiety/stress? He is using it for
the next attack!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
What a nightmare, living with someone with uncontrolled rage issues (drunk or sober). I'm glad you resisted his prodding via text. You don't have to show up for every argument you are invited to.
I hope you get some rest over the weekend.
I hope you get some rest over the weekend.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ll-moment.html (All is well for the moment)
I'm riding the calm before what is sure to be the next storm -- whenever that will be.
With going to Al-Anon, more will be revealed. Dealing with "the storm" also has a huge element of not knowing when that storm is going to hit and how hard. Is it a hurricane? Is it a slow, ongoing pounding rain? Is there enough sunshine in between for me to find peace?
Learning not only how to weather a storm, but to get out of one, to allow guidance from our inner healthy gut instincts and also ways to release muscle memory from past trauma creates big changes. I experienced greater anxiety at first simply because I was finally allowing space for emotions and with that was a lot of backed-up stuff being released. This gets much easier as I've gained tools and skills in dealing with it and trust the process. My anxiety is gone. There are occasionally times of new or old things for me to release.
Be kind to yourself today, in whatever ways you need.
I'm riding the calm before what is sure to be the next storm -- whenever that will be.
With going to Al-Anon, more will be revealed. Dealing with "the storm" also has a huge element of not knowing when that storm is going to hit and how hard. Is it a hurricane? Is it a slow, ongoing pounding rain? Is there enough sunshine in between for me to find peace?
Learning not only how to weather a storm, but to get out of one, to allow guidance from our inner healthy gut instincts and also ways to release muscle memory from past trauma creates big changes. I experienced greater anxiety at first simply because I was finally allowing space for emotions and with that was a lot of backed-up stuff being released. This gets much easier as I've gained tools and skills in dealing with it and trust the process. My anxiety is gone. There are occasionally times of new or old things for me to release.
Be kind to yourself today, in whatever ways you need.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by Mango212
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ll-moment.html (All is well for the moment)
I'm riding the calm before what is sure to be the next storm -- whenever that will be.
With going to Al-Anon, more will be revealed. Dealing with "the storm" also has a huge element of not knowing when that storm is going to hit and how hard. Is it a hurricane? Is it a slow, ongoing pounding rain? Is there enough sunshine in between for me to find peace?
Learning not only how to weather a storm, but to get out of one, to allow guidance from our inner healthy gut instincts and also ways to release muscle memory from past trauma creates big changes. I experienced greater anxiety at first simply because I was finally allowing space for emotions and with that was a lot of backed-up stuff being released. This gets much easier as I've gained tools and skills in dealing with it and trust the process. My anxiety is gone. There are occasionally times of new or old things for me to release.
Be kind to yourself today, in whatever ways you need.
I'm riding the calm before what is sure to be the next storm -- whenever that will be.
With going to Al-Anon, more will be revealed. Dealing with "the storm" also has a huge element of not knowing when that storm is going to hit and how hard. Is it a hurricane? Is it a slow, ongoing pounding rain? Is there enough sunshine in between for me to find peace?
Learning not only how to weather a storm, but to get out of one, to allow guidance from our inner healthy gut instincts and also ways to release muscle memory from past trauma creates big changes. I experienced greater anxiety at first simply because I was finally allowing space for emotions and with that was a lot of backed-up stuff being released. This gets much easier as I've gained tools and skills in dealing with it and trust the process. My anxiety is gone. There are occasionally times of new or old things for me to release.
Be kind to yourself today, in whatever ways you need.
Mango, thank you for that. Certainly my numbness yesterday was a culmination of events past and present, some of which had nothing to do with my husband and instead brought flashes of my childhood to the forefront of my mind spilling over into my already raw emotions. By midday, I literally felt numb.
Zero verbal explosions transpired yesterday and I'm thankful. He asked calmly and politely if we could talk about my feelings. In no way did I ever feel as if I was being played, not once, and I'm usually good at picking up when he's doing that. I told him he is verbally and emotionally abusive and I would no longer engage in his tirades. Should he ever verbally or physically threaten me again, I will leave. There was some shock but he didn't deny or diminish anything I said or felt and instead asked for forgiveness and what he needs to do. Of course, he needs to stay in AA because he is always better when he is consistent in the program. I also said he may need additional help with his anger. I will wait for action and not rely on the words.
Today has been very good. His tone is calm and quiet, not agitated, and is asking me where I would like furniture placed in the upstairs rooms that we are filling. He was okay that I didn't go to the hardware store with him today, too, so I could do some things for me.
Its an improvement for today.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Teehee......I am glad, for you, that you are feeling better today...…
I don't want to rain on your parade, but, don't forget what you have learned about the cycle of abuse....that, after an "event"....there comes a period of calm, which is so welcome. It is sometimes referred to as the "honeymoon" period. This can last for varying amounts of time...during which, eventually, tensions build, again....until there is another "event"...…
What I am saying is just to keep the Big Picture in mind...…
Keep doing what you have been doing, as I think you are doing really great under the circumstances......
I don't want to rain on your parade, but, don't forget what you have learned about the cycle of abuse....that, after an "event"....there comes a period of calm, which is so welcome. It is sometimes referred to as the "honeymoon" period. This can last for varying amounts of time...during which, eventually, tensions build, again....until there is another "event"...…
What I am saying is just to keep the Big Picture in mind...…
Keep doing what you have been doing, as I think you are doing really great under the circumstances......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 94
Yes, I fully understand the cycle of abuse, and so does he because that is how I described in great detail what it is he is doing to me, to us, and that my own broken behavior seems to be a magnet for this sort of person. I didn't mince words that it's abuse and that it runs in cycles. I know the likelihood of this continuing is more probable than not. I'm still not wearing rose colored glasses here, but the ability to get out almost everything that I've discussed here on SR in private I was able to share with him and things remain calm. It has done wonders for my anxiety today. I did not share that I've contacted DV, have an advocate, and a counselor that specializes in his type of crazy. But everything else that has transpired through my lens and with my understanding in full detail I shared. I told him his behavior is not normal and I'd welcome a normal argument, but that isn't what's going on. I said I don't want to be controlled with plays of power meant to shape me into his twisted view of what and who I should be. Either love me for me -- anything less is not love. He is aware that his behavior must change or I will not be sticking around. Out of his own mouth he said what I'm describing is Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. He knows its just that this is the first open honest description calling the emotional and verbal abuse what it is. i shared that I recognize this because I grew up with it and the eventuality will most likely be physical violence -- it almost always goes that direction when old tactics for control and power stop working. I even shared with him that I saw red flags a year ago but justified his behavior because his dad had just died. His behavior is not normal and I repeated it numerous times in the hour or so that we talked.
I just feel better I could say exactly my thoughts with no anger involved. There can be no shock when I walk out the door because he attempts to control me through rages, belittling, or threats. My follow through will be exactly as I have stated to him and he will be able to thank himself.
I really do have a feeling of relief today.
I just feel better I could say exactly my thoughts with no anger involved. There can be no shock when I walk out the door because he attempts to control me through rages, belittling, or threats. My follow through will be exactly as I have stated to him and he will be able to thank himself.
I really do have a feeling of relief today.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
