LovePeaceSushi

There's a big sporting event going on in our city today. AH has VIP tickets with one of his clients to attend. There will be alcohol there. AH is 48 days sober.

Old me is wary....our business has the potential to make some pretty decent money right now, but that also comes with more stress, which is a trigger for AH. The client AH is with right now is also a trigger. (Client is not an alcoholic, but he does drink) I'm about 50-50 expecting him to come home with alcohol on his breath.

But then I step back and think to myself: "Okay, so what if he does?" - - He is 100% responsible for if he drinks. He knows he has Stage 1 cirrhosis. I can not love him enough, read him enough literature on alcoholism, etc. to keep him from drinking.

So...I'm going to stay on my own side of the street and remember the 3 C's. Me worrying about IF he drinks won't keep him from drinking, either. It's just wasted energy.

AnvilheadII

good stuff - hard to do at times - maybe i'll just dash across the road and see how he's doing? but i won't STAY there!

your outlook on this "event" is spot on.

i tend to move quickly from worry, to fretting, to stewing AS IF the thing has already occurred. have you ever found yourself "upset" when, after all the self-induced hoohah, they do NOT screw up??? but i've been practicing my speech dangit, how dare you! LOL

trailmix

Yes, I practice speeches too sometimes - what a waste of time lol

What I do appreciate is when I detach and just go meh - not my problem, nothing I can do about that and move away from it. It's like putting a burden down.

So it's actually its own reward.

LovePeaceSushi

Yeah....I'll save ya'll the suspense. He drank. I told him it's his body to do what he wishes. As for me, I rented "Napoleon Dynamite" on Amazon. Like what you said, Trailmix - - "not my problem, nothing I can do about that". It is SO like laying a burden down.

Mango212

Hi LovePeaceSushi,

((((hugs))))

I'm sorry. Relapse absolutely sucks.

Good steps. Take extra good care of you.

Bekindalways

Wow, I'm impressed. Good for you.

Sasha1972

I'm impressed too. It really sucks that he drank - very bad decision on his part, and undoubtedly a big disappointment. But your (non)reaction to his bad decision-making is really commendable. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

LovePeaceSushi

Thanks guys. Yes, it is very disappointing. This is also what happens when alcoholics try to quit without getting into a recovery program. They can only "white knuckle it" for so long.

I find myself very tired this morning, despite the fact that I had a normal night's sleep. It's 10 am and I might take a nap and chalk it up to self-care. My daughter is away on a choir mission tour (actually, she should be exploring Niagra Falls about now!) and my house is clean. I can give myself this.

LovePeaceSushi

I also gave myself 3 new shirts from Sam's Club .

AnvilheadII

i like to call it the Jackass Tariff! kinda like one of them swear jars.
because i am so reckless, my "tariff" is usually "buy more decorative baskets" or take some money from "his" account and pay down some debt.

LovePeaceSushi

Who doesn't always need more decorative baskets?

My fetish is mason jars.

Mango212

Hi LovePeaceSushi,

How are you doing today?

Our recovery is one day at a time. This day. When unsure of the next step, pause. To pause and breath deeply, intentionally, are very powerful actions.

LovePeaceSushi

Daughter made it home late last night safely, but we didn't get to bed until 2 am , so we slept in today. My dad needed some help moving some big items at his house today, so I went over there and we got it done. I treated daughter and myself to Starbucks today (which I never do, because I have a problem paying that much for coffee!), and she loved it. So...all in all a good day.....

Then AH came home, stumbling and slurring. Now he's sitting right beside me talking his drunk talk. I'm taking daughter to her Alateen meeting tonight. There's a spare bedroom upstairs that I've been using as a closet/storage room. Thinking maybe in the meantime I should buy an inflatable mattress or futon and make that my room. I'm pretty disgusted with this behavior.

Sasha1972

Ugh!

Having some space of your own, even if it's just one room for now, could be very restorative. You can create your own drunk-free zone (and gradually expand the perimeters of that zone ...).

Please buy a really nice futon, or fancy sheets or a plant or something pretty so your room is welcoming and peaceful.

ps. I share the mason-jar thing. Got lots of little cacti in jars ...

trailmix

I think your idea of a futon in your own space is a great idea LPS. You need a haven I think? A spot of your own where you can go to sleep there when you want to and a place to just get away if you want to relax or think or read, whatever takes your fancy.

hopeful4

I have to say, I changed my room downstairs from basically a junk room to a nice little space! I absolutely love it. I put in a reclining loveseat and recliner, nice decorations, a small TV, etc. It's beside my laundry room, so a lot of time I just put in some laundry and hang out down there.

I did it mostly so I would have a little place to go when my house is overrun with kids. However, I wish I had done it long before that!

Your own space to relax is invaluable! I did it on the cheap. I have replaced the carpet down there, but originally I started with a big rug my mom gave me and my loveseat and recliner are both second hand. I bought some of the decorations at a garage sale (they are nice, I got lucky), hit hobby lobby 50% off sales, etc. It was a fun and relatively inexpensive project! I even bough the paint on sale LOL!

Dazedandconfus

LovePeaceSushi

Daughter and I had a nice day, using up some gift cards and "treating ourselves" (I found some mini Mason jars!! Score!!! LOL) I had to go to Sam's to get a few things, which is where I previously saw the futon/sofa.

AH promised me (again) this morning no drinking today, but when we got home he was so drunk he couldn't even hardly talk.

Sooo....I just bit the bullet and ordered the futon. I may not have a "she-shed", but I'm turning that room upstairs into somewhere I can go and not have to deal with crazy.

Sasha1972

That is excellent - not about the drunk husband, but about ordering the futon to make your own "she-shed" (that's a new term for me!).

I currently have three mason jars full of coffee grounds, waiting for me to mix with sugar, coconut oil and peppermint extract to make DIY body scrub/exfoliant. Yes, in my middle age I've returned to playing with glop. Kid thinks I'm a little peculiar.

LovePeaceSushi

Sasha,

That's a great way to use old coffee grounds! I love playing with essential oils and making homemade stuff. My daughter likes it as well, so she and I have fun making beauty items.