LookingBusy

dandylion

LookingBusy…...fro m what yo share, it seems that he has his heart set on becoming capable of controlled drinking.
While I am certainly not the font of all knowledge...it has been my life experience, and working with many alcoholics....and, listening to many people who identify themselves as recovering alcoholics….once a person has crossed into addiction....controlled drinking is no longer possible...No ability to drink like a "normal" non alcoholic person....
A saying around AA recovery circles is "One drink is too much and a hundred is not enough". There seems that there is no "stop button" after that first drink. It is also said the it is the first drink that gets you drunk....

I know that some people believe that controlled drinking is possible....and, I have heard of people who subscribe to this belief. Personally, I have never seen it in someone who has been a long term heavy drinker....

Since he seems to believe that this is possible for him...I don't think you will be able to dissuade him from this. I think it is just a waste of time and energy for you to try.....
His drinking or not is entirely within his sphere of control....and, you cannot do anything about that.....
He is going to handle it his way and what will be, will be....
Whether he can control his drinking will show itself, over time....How much time? Impossible to predict....Some people can control intake for a long time....white-knuckle. Others can't, so much.....

to answer your question.....I do think you are attaching a lot of hope to his cutting back....and, I do think that large surges of hope can set you up for a big let down if he does not "succeed" at this endeavor of controlled drinking....

Personally, I think that the School of Experience is, often, our best teacher....

time will tell.....

trailmix

He hasn't actually done anything yet except go to one meeting with the counsellor and bring home a bottle of gin a couple of days later (and I'm assuming still drinking every night?).

When someone says:

gin is something he wouldn’t take shots of because it would make him vomit

That's a red flag. Who buys alcohol they don't really care for so they won't over-drink it? Alcoholics or anyone who cannot control their drinking.

So - and this is just my opinion, I wouldn't put any hope or not on what has happened so far, it's really nothing.

In fact without seeing substantial changes (like quitting drinking) you are really just in for more of the same. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

You said in one of your other posts:

This is spot on. You cannot rely on him right now. Not for simple things and not for bigger things (like moderating or quitting drinking).

These are tough things to face, I know, who wants to give up hope that their SO cannot break their addiction to alcohol? It's something to be faced though, anything less and you leave yourself wide open for more hurt and disappointment. Your best bet is to focus back on yourself and protect yourself. You are not his keeper you are his partner.

You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.

trailmix

You might find this thread helpful:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...oderation.html (My guide to moderation)

AnvilheadII

oh the red flags.....

HE bought a bottle of gin or at least put one out for show and then had YOU return it.

he did ONE appointment and has another in two weeks. not tomorrow, not like it's important or critical but 14 days or so from now.

people who get blackout drunk every two weeks or so are not LOW RISK. if one is drinking to black out, they have consumed so much alcohol that their brain shuts down and is no longer capable of recording memories. this is NOT normal!!! and not ok if "only" every two weeks.

you are looking hard for any signs of "better" and there really isn't much there yet to celebrate.

is he drinking tonite?

PeacefulWater12

Sorry but big red flags all over your share.

He is trying to make YOU responsible for moderating his drinking, then when it blows up and he has a binge (which will happen) he can make it YOUR fault. Then next day he can act all sad and said if only YOU had helped him more. Guilt you out. ………………. and so it goes on and on and on.

I am so sorry but it is all words and a game played by him to keep his drinking going whilst going through the motions of getting "help". Reading out the leaflet is like an actor on stage playing to his audience.

Wombaticus

I agree with Anvil - it's not low risk drinking.
Bingeing is destructive and ugly. I know - its 2-3 times a week here.
It's impacting him, and its impacting you.
I lived with AHs drinking for many years (and still do for now so) before it dawned on me that he had a problem. The fact that you are here means you are worried.
Start thinking about your boundaries. I now refuse to see AH drinking to get drunk. I just go to bed.

FallenAngelina

I'm curious to know which organization subscribes to the concept of "low risk alcohol users" and puts out pamphlets for this. Does the organization really group people into a "low risk" category or is the organization using the soft pedal approach in this pamphlet so as not to alienate alcoholics who are not ready to call themselves alcoholics?



This is a really helpful way to understand blackouts. We see blackouts humorously portrayed in the media as just part of drinking that gets out of hand, but in fact it is the brain's way of going into emergency lockdown from poisoning. Thanks for putting it this way, Anvilhead.

hopeful4

Only he can decide how committed he is to recovery. If he wants this for himself and the good of things in your household, I personally would cheer him on for that.

I think when a person reaches out for recovery friends and family should encourage, but not control.

And as always, prepare for the worst, hope and pray for the best.

That is just my two cents....

NYCDoglvr

Alcoholics have blackouts, not non-drinkers. The thing about alcoholism is it's progressive and despite his intentions to control drinking, it gets steadily worse over time. Someone brings a bottle of gin home I wouldn't feel a reason to hope.

LifeRecovery

Looking busy-

I found your share with some red flags also.

My flags were about how much you have riding on this to work for him.

For me that puts me feeling like I am still walking on eggshells, because I am dependent on another person for my "happiness."

DiggingForFire