Hello, checking in from the US
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Hello, checking in from the US
Hello dear SR friends, I thought it was time for a check in, so here I am.
I arrived in the US nearly a month ago, in fact on the 26th I WILL (no ifs, ands or buts about it) have one month sober.
First and foremost I want to reiterate the old saying, "wherever you go, there you are" in other words, just changing places is not the end all solution to what ails us. That said, I absolutely was in a place where I had to get away, I had to come to a place where I had family and friends to support me and could be monitored and guided 24/7.
I am staying with my father. He recently divorced and moved into a little condo in a different state from where I are up. He has been absolutely wonderful, buying a new bed and sheets and towels for me, setting me up my own private space/bedroom in what was his office and guitar practice room (he plays the classical guitar but moved everything into his bedroom to make room for me).
Prior to leaving I had my ex boyfriend, with whom I have a very nice relationship, and a new friend I made- a man a few years younger than me who came to help me with my garden- helping me. This younger man witnessed my drinking starting at 8 in the morning when he arrived, continuing through his time at my home. I was always sitting outside as I was smoking and don't smoke inside my house. One day he took a little break and came and sat with me and said "you are an alcoholic aren't you?" I told him yes, I was. He said "I know because I am a recovering addict myself. " In any case, prior to my leaving Italy everyone was in panic mode, particularly my mother, absolutely terrified that I would get drunk in one of the airports I had to pass through and miss my flight, or become aggressive on a flight and get arrested upon landing, or some other disaster. Therefore, both my ex and this new friend and his mother helped me immensely as the time for departure neared. I was either locked in my house with no way to leave and buy alcohol, or "babysat" by one or the other of these kind men. This wonderful new friend had his mother drop him off at my house in the morning (he also has lost his license) and would accompany me to various appointments and errands to ensure I did not get drunk. They put me on a very strict tapering schedule to ensure I would not be in the middle of terrible withdrawals during the trip. The ay before departure I was down to one beer for the day.
What did I do on the day of departure? Alcoholics raise your hand! Of course I drank, I drank a lot. I drank so much they cut me off on the flight from London to Chicago. I arrived absolutely destroyed, physically but more than that, emotionally. My dad had reserved a hotel room for us near the airport as my last minute flight (and issues with the renewal of my visa) had me flying a strange route which lasted over 24 hours. I arrived at nearly 2am in the morning local time. We woke up the net morning and drove to his home 2 hours away. As soon as we arrived I said I wanted to go to an AA meeting. My father looked up the local meeting on the internet and found one that was starting in 20 minutes. Off we went. I was filthy, inside and out, absolutely a wreck physically and mentally, but I insisted on going, starting my recovery immediately. It was an open meeting so he joined me and I was welcomed very kindly by everyone. I have since attended daily.
I am also, by sheer luck, seeing a psychologist who specialises in addiction, a recovering alcoholic himself. My father was out to dinner alone one night and sat at the bar of a local restaurant (as single people often do whether they drink or not). He happened to sit by this psychologist and throughout the conversation realised what his work was and asked for his card. I go to see him twice a week. It is such a strange but wonderful experience to have a session of therapy in my mother tongue.
As previously mentioned, and I do want to underline, you just can't "escape" from your problems. However, being here in the US, far from the emotional abuse of my children's father, the messes I created but have to wait over a year to face in a court of law, the other various traumas I suffered, has been amazing. The desire to drink has absolutely left me. I have probably thought of drinking about 3-4 times since I arrived, but each instance a mere 20 seconds or so, followed by a repulsed reaction of "ugh, no! I do not want to do that" Dare i say it has been easy.
That leads me to to fact that I must return in September and once again hold my feet to the fire. I am doing anything and everything to build up strength of character, strength in my sobriety, a steely resolve to never drink again, and a mental and emotional protection against what I must face upon setting foot in Italy.
My psychologist here tells me I am suffering sever PTSD due to not one but several situations I have left behind in Italy. We are trying to work through it as best we can. I may start going to see him three times a week to be sure I get some of this crap out of me before I go back.
I have a few bits of good news that have come in during my time here. First, my DUI from June 2018 was finally sent before a judge. As you may recall they had already taken my car forever, never to be seen again as per the law in Italy, they also revoked my license for 9 months, which I then got back after a clean hair and blood test. The judge sentenced me to a €21,000 fine, 3 months in jail and 6 months house arrest but it was all suspended. I cannot ever have my car back, they already sold it at auction, and my license is taken away again for another 2 years. So not good, but given what they suspended, it could have been worse. Secondly, the custody case went ahead without me even though my lawyer asked for a continuance until I returned. the judge did not grant the continuance so it was only my lawyer there in court against my ex (present) and his lawyer. they asked fr an immediate closure of the case, granting him full custody. the judge did NOT agree to that and has called for it to go forward with the standard mental evaluations of both parents. Again my lawyer asked for that to be pushed back but my ex's lawyer argued that I could appear via Skype. The judge decided that Skype was adequate. So now I have to present myself via Skype in the biggest battle of my life. I did not bring a blazer or any of my nice jewellery.... I know that isn't everything but if I were to appear physically in court there in Italy I would surely wear a suit or at a minimum a blazer and a pearl necklace, have my hair done, whatever else to look sharp and groomed. Both of us are allowed to have our own personal mental health professionals with us, as well as our legal counsel to guide us through the questioning and cross examination from the other party's legal team. I have spoken via telephone with my psychiatrist who has said he will be present. However, I feel i am at a disadvantage because I can't just lean in to my lawyer or doctor and get guidance as I am questioned. If I have a question or issue I will have to say it out loud via Skype for all to hear whereas my ex has the advantage of being in the room with the court appointed specialist as well as his team supporting him. But what can you do? it is what it is.
So that's that. Nothing else to report really. I am just hanging out with my dad, exercising, eating well and going to bed very early. In fact, this is surely the latest I have stayed up the entire time! I generally go to bed about 19:30 or 20:00!
Onward and upward!
I arrived in the US nearly a month ago, in fact on the 26th I WILL (no ifs, ands or buts about it) have one month sober.
First and foremost I want to reiterate the old saying, "wherever you go, there you are" in other words, just changing places is not the end all solution to what ails us. That said, I absolutely was in a place where I had to get away, I had to come to a place where I had family and friends to support me and could be monitored and guided 24/7.
I am staying with my father. He recently divorced and moved into a little condo in a different state from where I are up. He has been absolutely wonderful, buying a new bed and sheets and towels for me, setting me up my own private space/bedroom in what was his office and guitar practice room (he plays the classical guitar but moved everything into his bedroom to make room for me).
Prior to leaving I had my ex boyfriend, with whom I have a very nice relationship, and a new friend I made- a man a few years younger than me who came to help me with my garden- helping me. This younger man witnessed my drinking starting at 8 in the morning when he arrived, continuing through his time at my home. I was always sitting outside as I was smoking and don't smoke inside my house. One day he took a little break and came and sat with me and said "you are an alcoholic aren't you?" I told him yes, I was. He said "I know because I am a recovering addict myself. " In any case, prior to my leaving Italy everyone was in panic mode, particularly my mother, absolutely terrified that I would get drunk in one of the airports I had to pass through and miss my flight, or become aggressive on a flight and get arrested upon landing, or some other disaster. Therefore, both my ex and this new friend and his mother helped me immensely as the time for departure neared. I was either locked in my house with no way to leave and buy alcohol, or "babysat" by one or the other of these kind men. This wonderful new friend had his mother drop him off at my house in the morning (he also has lost his license) and would accompany me to various appointments and errands to ensure I did not get drunk. They put me on a very strict tapering schedule to ensure I would not be in the middle of terrible withdrawals during the trip. The ay before departure I was down to one beer for the day.
What did I do on the day of departure? Alcoholics raise your hand! Of course I drank, I drank a lot. I drank so much they cut me off on the flight from London to Chicago. I arrived absolutely destroyed, physically but more than that, emotionally. My dad had reserved a hotel room for us near the airport as my last minute flight (and issues with the renewal of my visa) had me flying a strange route which lasted over 24 hours. I arrived at nearly 2am in the morning local time. We woke up the net morning and drove to his home 2 hours away. As soon as we arrived I said I wanted to go to an AA meeting. My father looked up the local meeting on the internet and found one that was starting in 20 minutes. Off we went. I was filthy, inside and out, absolutely a wreck physically and mentally, but I insisted on going, starting my recovery immediately. It was an open meeting so he joined me and I was welcomed very kindly by everyone. I have since attended daily.
I am also, by sheer luck, seeing a psychologist who specialises in addiction, a recovering alcoholic himself. My father was out to dinner alone one night and sat at the bar of a local restaurant (as single people often do whether they drink or not). He happened to sit by this psychologist and throughout the conversation realised what his work was and asked for his card. I go to see him twice a week. It is such a strange but wonderful experience to have a session of therapy in my mother tongue.
As previously mentioned, and I do want to underline, you just can't "escape" from your problems. However, being here in the US, far from the emotional abuse of my children's father, the messes I created but have to wait over a year to face in a court of law, the other various traumas I suffered, has been amazing. The desire to drink has absolutely left me. I have probably thought of drinking about 3-4 times since I arrived, but each instance a mere 20 seconds or so, followed by a repulsed reaction of "ugh, no! I do not want to do that" Dare i say it has been easy.
That leads me to to fact that I must return in September and once again hold my feet to the fire. I am doing anything and everything to build up strength of character, strength in my sobriety, a steely resolve to never drink again, and a mental and emotional protection against what I must face upon setting foot in Italy.
My psychologist here tells me I am suffering sever PTSD due to not one but several situations I have left behind in Italy. We are trying to work through it as best we can. I may start going to see him three times a week to be sure I get some of this crap out of me before I go back.
I have a few bits of good news that have come in during my time here. First, my DUI from June 2018 was finally sent before a judge. As you may recall they had already taken my car forever, never to be seen again as per the law in Italy, they also revoked my license for 9 months, which I then got back after a clean hair and blood test. The judge sentenced me to a €21,000 fine, 3 months in jail and 6 months house arrest but it was all suspended. I cannot ever have my car back, they already sold it at auction, and my license is taken away again for another 2 years. So not good, but given what they suspended, it could have been worse. Secondly, the custody case went ahead without me even though my lawyer asked for a continuance until I returned. the judge did not grant the continuance so it was only my lawyer there in court against my ex (present) and his lawyer. they asked fr an immediate closure of the case, granting him full custody. the judge did NOT agree to that and has called for it to go forward with the standard mental evaluations of both parents. Again my lawyer asked for that to be pushed back but my ex's lawyer argued that I could appear via Skype. The judge decided that Skype was adequate. So now I have to present myself via Skype in the biggest battle of my life. I did not bring a blazer or any of my nice jewellery.... I know that isn't everything but if I were to appear physically in court there in Italy I would surely wear a suit or at a minimum a blazer and a pearl necklace, have my hair done, whatever else to look sharp and groomed. Both of us are allowed to have our own personal mental health professionals with us, as well as our legal counsel to guide us through the questioning and cross examination from the other party's legal team. I have spoken via telephone with my psychiatrist who has said he will be present. However, I feel i am at a disadvantage because I can't just lean in to my lawyer or doctor and get guidance as I am questioned. If I have a question or issue I will have to say it out loud via Skype for all to hear whereas my ex has the advantage of being in the room with the court appointed specialist as well as his team supporting him. But what can you do? it is what it is.
So that's that. Nothing else to report really. I am just hanging out with my dad, exercising, eating well and going to bed very early. In fact, this is surely the latest I have stayed up the entire time! I generally go to bed about 19:30 or 20:00!
Onward and upward!
Sending you positive thoughts. Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 175
Very happy to hear you are doing well! A parent can offer great support when you are trying to sober up. I spent the first month of my sobriety at my mothers house and it made all the difference in staying sober. I too got sh*t faced drunk the day before my decision that enough was enough. So glad to hear of your progress
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,288
(((Mera))), it is so great to hear from you.
What an ordeal you've been through - but at least you are there now. And it is good to hear that you have support going for you.
Good luck with the Skype hearing - you will do great - even without your pearls
Congratulations on staying sober for nearly a month !
Stay in touch, and let us know how you are doing?
What an ordeal you've been through - but at least you are there now. And it is good to hear that you have support going for you.
Good luck with the Skype hearing - you will do great - even without your pearls
Congratulations on staying sober for nearly a month !Stay in touch, and let us know how you are doing?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Thanks for the support. Please excuse all the typos above!
Ayers, you are so right, I don't need superficial things i order to prove my mental fitness. But you know how it is, generally court or appearing before a judge is an occasion that people generally try to dress up/dress professionaly and look tip top. I just feel like I am already going in at a disadvantage having to do this alone via a computer screen. So much can be conveyed simply by one's presence, unspoken. In addition to the alcohol abuse (legitimate concerns) they have written up a whole page about how I am taking a mood stabiliser and an anti-depressant and are using this as proof that I am mentally unstable and therefore unfit to care for my children. This I do not find legitimate. In any case, I just have to go in as calm as I can and speak my truth as I know it.
I want to reiterate how much just being away from all the drama, abuse and mess has helped me. The desire to drink has lessened to an extent that it barely exists at all. Now I don't think we all have the ability to run away, halfway across the planet to escape our issues, and I myself will soon be headed back to everything I left behind. But this has given me new insight into how important it is to care for and protect ourselves in sobriety. I would suggest rehab to anyone suffering as a way to "clock out" from life for a bit. Or, for those surrounded by drama- family drama, work drama, friend drama or abuse (physical or emotional) from a partner or any other sort fo distressing issue or event I would highly recommend avoiding that to the best of your ability. Which, I know full well from personal experience is hard to do if you don't know how to remove yourself. I am seeking the help of a therapist and unlike previous therapy work where we concentrated on my deeply rooted issues, we are spending a lot of time coming up with coping strategies and I am being coached through the process of how to close out all the external BS and concentrate on keeping myself well. I think we have to advocate for ourselves and in my opinion it would be perfectly acceptable to ask for this type of help.
Anyway, another hot and boring day here, but it is what I need for now.
Happy sober Sunday to you all.
Ayers, you are so right, I don't need superficial things i order to prove my mental fitness. But you know how it is, generally court or appearing before a judge is an occasion that people generally try to dress up/dress professionaly and look tip top. I just feel like I am already going in at a disadvantage having to do this alone via a computer screen. So much can be conveyed simply by one's presence, unspoken. In addition to the alcohol abuse (legitimate concerns) they have written up a whole page about how I am taking a mood stabiliser and an anti-depressant and are using this as proof that I am mentally unstable and therefore unfit to care for my children. This I do not find legitimate. In any case, I just have to go in as calm as I can and speak my truth as I know it.
I want to reiterate how much just being away from all the drama, abuse and mess has helped me. The desire to drink has lessened to an extent that it barely exists at all. Now I don't think we all have the ability to run away, halfway across the planet to escape our issues, and I myself will soon be headed back to everything I left behind. But this has given me new insight into how important it is to care for and protect ourselves in sobriety. I would suggest rehab to anyone suffering as a way to "clock out" from life for a bit. Or, for those surrounded by drama- family drama, work drama, friend drama or abuse (physical or emotional) from a partner or any other sort fo distressing issue or event I would highly recommend avoiding that to the best of your ability. Which, I know full well from personal experience is hard to do if you don't know how to remove yourself. I am seeking the help of a therapist and unlike previous therapy work where we concentrated on my deeply rooted issues, we are spending a lot of time coming up with coping strategies and I am being coached through the process of how to close out all the external BS and concentrate on keeping myself well. I think we have to advocate for ourselves and in my opinion it would be perfectly acceptable to ask for this type of help.
Anyway, another hot and boring day here, but it is what I need for now.
Happy sober Sunday to you all.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Fantastic to hear from you Mera 
You’ve come a long way and it’s so nice to hear you sounding much more grounded and are getting that sober time under your belt with a great support system and renewed positive attitude to recovery. Always rooting for you xx
You’ve come a long way and it’s so nice to hear you sounding much more grounded and are getting that sober time under your belt with a great support system and renewed positive attitude to recovery. Always rooting for you xx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
That's great Mera.
Go buy a cheap blazer and fake pearls. No one will be the wiser. You can wear you pajama bottoms and who will know
I hope you work with your team to come up with a solid plan for your flight back. I was thinking maybe antibuse....just to keep you from drinking during that time.
Go buy a cheap blazer and fake pearls. No one will be the wiser. You can wear you pajama bottoms and who will know
I hope you work with your team to come up with a solid plan for your flight back. I was thinking maybe antibuse....just to keep you from drinking during that time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Mera, thank you for the update. I’ve wondered how you e been doing. I’m sooooo glad you’re sober.
There’s always goodwill... blazer and costume jewelry baby. Some towns have “dress for success,” a nonprofit specializing in loaning/giving women professional clothing when they need it.
There’s always goodwill... blazer and costume jewelry baby. Some towns have “dress for success,” a nonprofit specializing in loaning/giving women professional clothing when they need it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 545
Originally Posted by MantaLady 
Just a thought Mera but just buy a nice blazer and keep the tags on, wear it for the Skype call and then return it to the shop for a refund the next day! x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 198
Glad that you are attending meetings, working with a psychiatrist, and staying sober. You've been through a lot and it's great that your father is so supportive and that you are in a healing environment. On the blazer, jewelry issue: are there any high-end consignment shops in your area? It is possible to find some amazing bargains on good quality, barely worn business attire and tasteful costume jewelry. That would enable you to put together a professional look without breaking the bank. Just a thought.
Last edited by mayabee; 07-21-2019 at 02:06 PM. Reason: Clarity
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,203
Good to see you Meraviglioso. Being in a less pressure cooker cooler environment than the one you were in must be a huge help.
Not being sat next to a lawyer would be a big disadvantage in something like a criminal or some sort of fraud case but your's is not one of those and you are not accused of a crime. This is about children and about care of and for children and imo speaking plainly, from the heart is probably the best thing you can do either via Skype or if you were there in person.
Good luck!
Not being sat next to a lawyer would be a big disadvantage in something like a criminal or some sort of fraud case but your's is not one of those and you are not accused of a crime. This is about children and about care of and for children and imo speaking plainly, from the heart is probably the best thing you can do either via Skype or if you were there in person.
Good luck!
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