5upersonic

Some of you will know me from my relatively short bouts of getting sober. And yes, the long periods in between I have been drinking.

I've not been the worst husband and father in the world, but I certainly haven't been the best. I think it's fair to say that my worse traits have been borne out of my reliance on/addiction to drinking.

My wife and kids had stuck by me throughout, and being the stupid/arrogant/idiot that I am I never gave a second thought to that changing. Well it seems it's about to know.

My wife has told me she no longer loves me, and it sounds like she's starting the seperation/divorce process. I say 'sounds like' because I am desperately clinging on to the hope that I can still put things right. She has identified two distint types of my behaviour that have resulted in this; my drinking and my temper.

I hope I can update with a happy ending, but right now it feels like my world has fallen apart. I can't sleep, I can't eat much, my mind is racing, I have physical tremours (not through alcohol).

We spoke yesterday and last night and I have said I will quit drinking now and forever, and I will seek counselling as soon as possible. Today I will cancel all future engagements that bring me into contact with drinking.

I fear it is too little too late, but I know these are the right things to do anyway even if the marriage is to fail or has already failed.

It's made me realise how much I love her and the kids. Why does it take something like this? Anyone reading this who is at the point that I was even a few months ago, don't wait another second to change it.

I'm on day 2.

loopylou69

Actions speak louder than words, so you are going to grab hold of sobriety with both hands, hold on tight, and be patient. You're still married, so focus on ensuring that your wife sees you, the man she loves, the father of her children, not the drunk and angry man she wants to leave. Take it one day at a time, be strong and well done on your sobriety.

Ayers

Sending you lots of hugs and strength. Whatever happens, you are doing the right thing.

It might not be too late, but you have to show tangible evidence that you are doing everything in your power to change back to the man she married.

Stay focused. You can do this.

snitch

((5upersonic))

I remember you from the April 2018 thread.

Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful. I put it before EVERYRHING in my life including my own daughter. Except I would not have admitted that at the time of course oh no I was in complete denial...but that is the truth.

I could not stop drinking. I would swear off it for a day or couple of days, and then next thing I would have a glass in my hand. Rinse. Repeat. I had to admit I was completely powerless over alcohol. It had me hook line and sinker. It was my master, in total control. I had to completely surrender. Throw my hands up and say I am done. I would never have it beat and Lord knows I tried.

Take it one day at a time. Don't drink today. Even if you have to break it down into hours or minutes. When that obsession is on you, do whatever it takes to take your mind from it. I would pray, eat, scream, go for a walk, go to an AA meeting, call another alcoholic or post on SR. Doing something else will avert your mind from the craving/obsession and it WILL pass. Make staying sober your number one priority and get your head on the pillow sober at night. It does work, because it worked for me and I could not stop.

Dont try to solve all your lifes problems in one day! Everything else will come later as you stay sober. All you need to do now is not pick up a drink. And all you have to stay away from is just one little drink. Because without the first drink you cannot get drunk.

Sending prayers, strength and courage to you 5uper.

🙏♥️🙏♥️

Dee74

Welcome back 5upersonic

I broke two long term relationships - even the most loving kind caring peopel in the world can only take so much, man.

I agree with the posters who said action is jey here. You not only have to want change but you need to act to make that change happen.

I wish you well - you're a good guy with a bad problem.

Action.

I can't guarantee it'll fix everything but it's a WAY better chance than doing nothing and/or continuing to drink.

D

Purpleman

No matter what happens 5upersonic you're in a better position to deal with stuff if you're not drinking. Best wishes

thomas11

I know I don't have to say this, but if you are fortunate to be given a second chance, run with it and never look back (meaning never drink again).

Enjoy the remainder of your years being present for your wife and kids.

PhoenixJ

Support to you. Meetings also help.

Maudcat

Hi.
Very sorry for your situation.
Time to stay sober, I think, yeah?
And also to recognize that sometimes people are just done.

5upersonic

Thanks for your words and support, it means a lot. I booked a counselling session yesterday and I came way feeling much calmer. It has helped me make sense of things and I now have things to work on. Other than that it's small positive steps and taking a day at a time, or an hour and minute at a time if needs be. I will continue with regular counselling because it's clear I can't improve things on my own ans this is going to need professional help.

Bathbomb

It's great that you're seeing a counsellor. I hope it all works out the way you hope.

saoutchik

All the best 5upersonic, if you do stay sober and I really hope that you do then that will also help with reducing your anger as well - at least that was what happened to me. I was always full of impotent rage with anyone and everything even when I wasn't physically drinking. Long term sobriety has helped me cope with life's inevitable setbacks. Good luck!

5upersonic

Thanks all. I could write for hours but for now I think it's just best to say I'm focusing on self-care and addressing my emotional issues. I'm trying to help out practically at home as much as possible but I understand I need to work on myself before I can start to address the emotional trauma I've caused my family. I must come to terms with the very real possibility that my marriage won't be saved. I've found a good counsellor and my next appointment is on Sunday.

snitch

You are taking the right steps 5uper and putting in the action. That is brilliant. There is always hope. As long as we don't pick up a drink there is hope.

rich27

You may also want to think about what is making you want to drink excessively and causing damage to the family. I lost three relationships before realizing that I had to walk away from alcohol altogether.

It's been over a year for me and I'm still learning to live without booze while sometimes being reminded of the things I'd said while I was drunk. People in your life won't forget the bad **** so you've got to be strong and prove you've changed which could take a week or even months. Get back their trust. I drank for almost 30 years so you can do this too! Best wishes

Hevyn

Hi 5upersonic. I'm glad you wanted to talk about what's happening. I'm sorry for the painful time you're going through. It's good that you're doing all you can to take care of yourself.

I had to give up on my husband, who I treasured. He showed no signs of admitting he needed to quit - the way you are. Whatever happens with your marriage, you'll be free of alcohol & ready to lead a better life.

5upersonic

Thanks again for your support, it really does mean a lot to me.

Nearly two weeks on and it feels like I'm making progress.

The hardest part is the unknown; will I lose my wife, my full-time family, my home? Well I haven't yet and I'm doing everything in my power not to. This is what I'm doing:

1. No alcohol

2. I quickly understood that looking to my wife at this time for support was not fair on her and not the right option for me either, and she confirmed this is no uncertain terms. She's exhausted, she has her own stuff to deal with. I'd destroyed virtually all faith in me. But I need the right advice and support, and I know friends and family aren't the right option for me either, knowing they'll likely tell me what I want to hear. So at my wife's suggestion I found a professional pyschotheraprist and I've done three sessions. It's helping me address so much more than just the drinking. Not cheap, but no more than a costly car repair. Ultimately it may not save my marriage, and I understand that I need to do this for myself first and foremost.

3. I've thrown myself into taking care of the kids and having fun with them. Taking them out, watching movies together, simple stuff that I've missed out on due to drinking and the after effects. And this has been my greatest support of all. I even took my daughter to a concert that I'd planned to go with my wife too. We had a fantastic time. I had no idea what I'd been missing out on. It's like a virtuous circle, they see me happier and it makes them happier, which makes me even happier!

4. I'm noticing my wife again. Things I haven't noticed for years. The little things shes does that made me fall in love with her and, now I've come to my senses, I realise I love her every bit as much today. And I'm making her quality of life better, not big grand gestures but small things that show I care. And she's responding well, she looks healthier and happier than I've seen her in ages. And we're talking, more than we have in years.

Don't get me wrong, the issues haven't gone away, far from it. I can't erase everything in a few short weeks. But if things don't work out the way I hope then I'll be in much better shape and a better person to face the future if I keep working as I am.

I've had bouts of sobriety before, and always thought that I'd fixed everything just by not drinking. Well I think it's almost impossible to make progress whilst drinking, but I needed to go further than that. And it's proving positive and rewarding, in a way that I don't feel able to articulate just yet.

I'm still getting panic attacks daily, something I'd never really experienced before. But in a way I'm glad this has happened, it feels like I've woken up to what my life has to offer. I think I was self-medicating with alcohol, but it's not medication its posion that just numbs for a short while then causes even greater pain. And there are so much better ways deal with things if only we can get the help and support to find them.

Thanks for listening.

Dee74

A lot of people have found the more years we drink the greater that anxiety in withdrawal can be - but it won't always be this bad.

2 weeks is at the beginning of the journey, but you're headed in the right direction 5upersonic

D