alwayscovering

AH has had brief periods of sobriety over the last few years but no real recovery.

today is day 16.

He sleeps A LOT. Sunday slept all freaking day. Monday and Tuesday got up went to work, came home and went to sleep. Got up inhaled some food, went to a meeting and came home and went to sleep.

So idk if having to deal with his problems is that exhausting or what?

Sleepyhollo

Every time my XRAH quit he would go into a deep depression for a few weeks so maybe it is related to that. He would come home from work and crawl into bed. Is he doing any kind of program? Because just quitting and white knuckling it is not going to be successful long term. He needs to learn coping skills other than alcohol and needs to come to terms with the fact he will never be able to touch alcohol again. He cannot do that on his own. I think realizing he had failed once again at staying clean and not being to drink moderately like the rest of us and not having coping skills to deal with stress once the alcohol was gone spun him right into a depression every single time. Good times for the rest of the family

trailmix

I see this topic constantly in the newcomers forum alwayscovering.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ust-tired.html (Just tired.)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...exhausted.html (Exhausted)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-exercise.html (Day 8 exhausted, reading, exercise)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...but-tired.html (Sober but tired....)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...exhausted.html (7 weeks Sober and Physically Exhausted)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...afternoon.html (Exhausted every afternoon?)

So yes, seems like the norm!

He's been drinking for a long time, it will take a while for him to heal. How long ago did he quit drinking for any length of time and was he tired then?

alwayscovering

I dont recall him ever being this tired but it's possible I didn't notice. Definitely remember him being extra moody. Hes been going to AA but he doesnt have a sponsor yet. He tells me everything else so I'm sure he'll tell me when he gets one.

FeelingGreat

Give him some time. It's likely connected with sobriety, and he may be using it to control cravings. You know when you're on a diet and you sit there wishing for chocolate and finally go to bed just to stop thinking about it.

BlownOne

Early recovery can be a pretty miserable experience for most alcoholics. At least it was for me. Things can seem pretty overwhelming, and sleeping is a way to escape from the confusion and pass the time. I'm not saying it's right, cuz eventually you gotta get up and deal with life one way or another. But it was like that for me and quite a few other recovering alcoholics I know early on.

AnvilheadII

hard to drink while sleeping, eh?

early sobriety is exhausting. physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. it's like coming off the worst flu ever.

rest/sleep is very helpful, restorative. i wouldn't be too critical at the two week mark.

August252015

Hi AC! As the recovering alcoholic here (3 yr and change after a life or death choice at the end), a couple of things:
YES! This is normal for most of us and for me, it kept going a lot longer even as I got more active and re-engaged in life. I was really sick when I quit so my experience and suffering as I got truly sober is more extreme than lots of people. 16 days is awesome and truly the very start.

It sounds to me like he is doing EXACTLY the right things this time. Getting to meetings at all is critical (my program is AA too) and some people get a sponsor immediately- I waited til day 97. I think most people do it somewhere in between that! I knew I was set on AA and sobriety so that was my process and start. I truly saw major shifts forward around the 100 day mark, though absolutely progress in all areas before.

It is incredibly stressful on our loved ones to see us start getting sober, hope we finally do it for real, see this process as it physically and emotionally affects us and therefore you....he is lucky to have someone figuring out how to support him (again!).

Have you looked into Al Anon? Another suggestion I'd have is the same thing I do for any alcoholic getting started in sobriety- and hopefully, recovery, which is different- is to read the book Living Sober. It is a good and easy read about the first year.

Glad you are here and asking- my parents stuck with me the one last time when I actually was DONE- and we are all so grateful to be on the "other side." IMO and IME, alcoholism and addiction are family diseases- when every member is willing to get well, there is great hope on this way of life.

Best to you.

Hawkeye13

This was true for me, but another aspect of this is that you have a family to take care of, so why should everything just be heaped on you?

He may be tired, but I think you should have some talk about expectations of sharing some of the work of home and family in the not-to-distant future or he may come to believe he doesn't have to do anything but not drink. That's bull--it. A marriage partnership is just that--shared work and shared life.

Even tired, I got laundry in, did some cleaning, helped with the dogs (I don't have kids but very demanding puppies), bought and cooked food, and interacted at somewhat in early sobriety to rebuild connection with my spouse.

I also developed and worked an active program of healing and managing my issues with living without alcohol and building a new life.

That's what recovery, instead of just "not drinking" looks like.
It's early days, but don't let it slide forever or you'll end up a martyr and resentments will build.

alwayscovering

Thank you. I do attend al anon. Sometimes I find it easier to just ask y'all.

I have done all the kid, animal and household management for years. Him not helping there is nothing new. It would be nice to have some help though.

I feel bad for him...it has to be tough to suddenly have to feel everything you've been covering up all these years and all the guilt and shame and your body trying to adjust on top of that.

I appreciate everyone's input.

BlownOne

This is spot on.

djlook

Hello, Always Covering.

My son got out of treatment March 28th. He's been going to some aftercare program every day since. He has an hour's drive from aftercare, here to our home. He's having to stay with us until he gets on his feet. He attends AA meetings on the weekends.

Nightly, after dinner, he pretty much hits the sofa and rests. He said yesterday that he needed some friends. All of his friends before treatment were drinking buddies, so he's got to build another life. He seems pretty overwhelmed right now. He'll hopefully be able to start work tomorrow when he gets out of aftercare.

I thought when he got home everything would be so easy, but it's not. I've been in recovery for 21 years, so I want to tell him how to do it. It takes everything I've got to keep my mouth shut and let him find his own way. I'm grateful he has a Higher Power because 30 days ago he did not. I even sometimes want to tell him how to pray. I'm pitiful. You'd think I'd know better. I have to remember, though, I didn't get him drunk and I can't get him sober.

August252015

djlook - I am really glad to hear about your son and his plan and so on. And, I smiled at your comments as the sober mom - my own mom is about the same time sober as you, and we're at a place (NOW) where she can go on without telling me what to do - mostly We can laugh over it now, and even discuss program stuff- she is actually opening up more than I ever knew about her journey. I wish you and your son many years of being sober together. None of us were sure we would get to the place where our family is now.