Back here again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Uk
Posts: 164
Back here again
Well this isn’t the first time I’ve been here. But again I’m lying here hung over wondering what the hell went wrong again. I went to a social event and got wasted. I embarrassed my self, my partner and I feel ashamed of my behaviour.
im not sure if I’m an alcoholic but I am definitely a bad drunk with a problem.
I enjoy having beer and most of the time can control myself but when I reach a certain point there is no stopping me. I don’t know how to stop. When I get to that point I just want more and more and more. I turn from the decent person I am into a horrible monster and the things a day and do are truly shameful.
This has to be the end of my drinking. I have to stop or one day I’ll do something so bad it will cost me dearly.
I don’t want to be that horrible person.
But saying all of that I’m scared as I know it means not trying to control what I drink but I can’t drink at all ever, I have to be sober, no beer with my dad, no wine with dinners, no drinks at Christmas. It isn’t an easy thing to do.
im going to start today by apologising to the people I need to.
im going to pour away all of the alcohol in the house - I thought about giving it away or selling it as there’s quite a lot of value in some of my whiskeys etc, but I think it is more symbolic if I pour it away (I’d only have drunk it anyway right?)
and finally im going to write a message explaining my thoughts about my problem then I’m going to send it to family and friends that I would normally drink with so that they understand.
Does that hat sound like a reasonable plan to start with?
I cant allow myself to think that this won’t happen again because it will . I’ve spoiled it for myself . I can’t wake up feeling suicidal again . I can’t embarrass myself or my family again. I can’t risk my health like this
im not sure if I’m an alcoholic but I am definitely a bad drunk with a problem.
I enjoy having beer and most of the time can control myself but when I reach a certain point there is no stopping me. I don’t know how to stop. When I get to that point I just want more and more and more. I turn from the decent person I am into a horrible monster and the things a day and do are truly shameful.
This has to be the end of my drinking. I have to stop or one day I’ll do something so bad it will cost me dearly.
I don’t want to be that horrible person.
But saying all of that I’m scared as I know it means not trying to control what I drink but I can’t drink at all ever, I have to be sober, no beer with my dad, no wine with dinners, no drinks at Christmas. It isn’t an easy thing to do.
im going to start today by apologising to the people I need to.
im going to pour away all of the alcohol in the house - I thought about giving it away or selling it as there’s quite a lot of value in some of my whiskeys etc, but I think it is more symbolic if I pour it away (I’d only have drunk it anyway right?)
and finally im going to write a message explaining my thoughts about my problem then I’m going to send it to family and friends that I would normally drink with so that they understand.
Does that hat sound like a reasonable plan to start with?
I cant allow myself to think that this won’t happen again because it will . I’ve spoiled it for myself . I can’t wake up feeling suicidal again . I can’t embarrass myself or my family again. I can’t risk my health like this
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: England
Posts: 645
When I finally accepted I was an alcoholic I wrote an email to all of my extended family telling them so (not as if they didn't know) and that I wasn't the person that made a complete fool of myself on my drunk the previous night at a family gathering. I told them I would change (and I 100% committed to myself to change) and I apologised for the past.
I have been sober since.
Whether or not you think are an alcoholic is up to you. But your story is very similar to mine. Time to live a happier sober life.
I have been sober since.
Whether or not you think are an alcoholic is up to you. But your story is very similar to mine. Time to live a happier sober life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: England
Posts: 645
I was a nasty, foul mouthed, lewd drunk. Like you, I could have a few and sometimes leave it. But all too often it would go horribly wrong and I would get to the point of no return.
The email was very well received with lots of support and encouragement. I committed to the task, was glued to SR for a long time and attended SMART meetings within a week. I don't miss drinking and accept I am just a quiet person in social situations. That's me - I don't want to be the drunk idiot ever again.
The email was very well received with lots of support and encouragement. I committed to the task, was glued to SR for a long time and attended SMART meetings within a week. I don't miss drinking and accept I am just a quiet person in social situations. That's me - I don't want to be the drunk idiot ever again.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 319
Originally Posted by decchemist 
I was a nasty, foul mouthed, lewd drunk. Like you, I could have a few and sometimes leave it. But all too often it would go horribly wrong and I would get to the point of no return.
The email was very well received with lots of support and encouragement. I committed to the task, was glued to SR for a long time and attended SMART meetings within a week. I don't miss drinking and accept I am just a quiet person in social situations. That's me - I don't want to be the drunk idiot ever again.
The email was very well received with lots of support and encouragement. I committed to the task, was glued to SR for a long time and attended SMART meetings within a week. I don't miss drinking and accept I am just a quiet person in social situations. That's me - I don't want to be the drunk idiot ever again.
As decchemist stated above perhaps self acceptance will be instrumental for me going forward.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Uk
Posts: 164
I too am nasty foul mouthed and lewd but not that person sober.
i told my partner I wanted a divorce amongst a whole host of other nasty comments - I don’t want that at all why would I say that and be horrible to the person I love and who quite frankly I wouldn’t be able to live without.
I’m worried I will miss it at first - well the times when I don’t lose control.
i will start writing my message now - thank you for your advice
i told my partner I wanted a divorce amongst a whole host of other nasty comments - I don’t want that at all why would I say that and be horrible to the person I love and who quite frankly I wouldn’t be able to live without.
I’m worried I will miss it at first - well the times when I don’t lose control.
i will start writing my message now - thank you for your advice
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: England
Posts: 645
I trotted out the divorce line on many occasions when drunk. So, so glad that my wife was able to forgive me.
If you write the email make sure that you 100% are going to follow through with the content. I think it would only be taken seriously once.
If you write the email make sure that you 100% are going to follow through with the content. I think it would only be taken seriously once.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
I'd save the writing to friends and family for much later in your sobriety. Nothing wrong with apologies to those you embarrassed last night but there's much work to do in yourself before you need to inform and include your circle of relationships. Just my 2 cents .
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
ben,
When I quit, I just quit. I didn't make an announcement or whatever. I proved myself with my actions. I am still proving myself.
Some folks still treated me different. Some folks don't get it, some do.
I stopped drinking and it hurt enough. It hurt like nothing I can explain easily. It still hurts sometimes.
Being a born again non drinker is easier said than done.
There was more to it than missing out on beers with Dad etc.
There is irreversible brain damage that only gets worse and worse.
Even folks that drink responsibly are hurting themselves and are not the same person they would be if they never altered their mind with a central nervous system depressant.
Thanks.
When I quit, I just quit. I didn't make an announcement or whatever. I proved myself with my actions. I am still proving myself.
Some folks still treated me different. Some folks don't get it, some do.
I stopped drinking and it hurt enough. It hurt like nothing I can explain easily. It still hurts sometimes.
Being a born again non drinker is easier said than done.
There was more to it than missing out on beers with Dad etc.
There is irreversible brain damage that only gets worse and worse.
Even folks that drink responsibly are hurting themselves and are not the same person they would be if they never altered their mind with a central nervous system depressant.
Thanks.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by lessgravity
I'd save the writing to friends and family for much later in your sobriety. Nothing wrong with apologies to those you embarrassed last night but there's much work to do in yourself before you need to inform and include your circle of relationships. Just my 2 cents .
I had to start with not drinking and healing - and I'd add that I had to start a program. After eons of railing against AA, it was my last resource. I knew I didn't want to die. So now, I am 3 yr and a month (1126 days) sober and AA saved my life - apologies etc, just as one example, had to come into some solid sobriety.
My mind had to clear - some of that started as the alcohol left my body literally. Much more came later- 100 days, 10 mo, a year, 19 mo....it keeps going.
Please take care of yourself and do not drink. That's the best start.
Today.
Glad you are here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Uk
Posts: 164
You are right I will only have one shot at being taken seriously.
i think I need to tell them or it isn’t going to work for me I’ll just slip when they offer me a drink. Not so much family but friends will tell me that one will be ok.
I appriciate that that this is a massive thing to do and much easier said than done. But I have to try right 🙁
i think I need to tell them or it isn’t going to work for me I’ll just slip when they offer me a drink. Not so much family but friends will tell me that one will be ok.
I appriciate that that this is a massive thing to do and much easier said than done. But I have to try right 🙁
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
I am not one for big pronouncements on what I am going to do. You can have accountability for your decision not to drink anymore by doing just that, not drinking, joining a program, if that suits you or you need it, changing your social habits, staying close to this site. I would still write that letter but save it to pull out whenever you feel like picking up. This is a life change that you are contemplating, and a good one for you it sounds like, give it some clear thought on how you intend to make it work before saying that you are done.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,718
Your actions are more important than the words you may utter at the onset of your recovery. Write the "promises letter" to yourself and put it on your mirror. Then get to work on maintaining your promises of a sober life.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
You know, I would say, "To thine own self be true."
If you think it's important to send a mass email, that's one way. Just know that an email lives forever and they will re-read that over and over and expect you to live up to it and they may hold your words up to you in the future.
I didn't make any announcements. After some time I mentioned it casually to different people in different ways but I didn't make an announcement. I just declined drinks. I'm a pretty cautious and private person when it comes to sensitive subjects.
Do what you think is best for you. It will work out regardless as long as you stay sober.
If you think it's important to send a mass email, that's one way. Just know that an email lives forever and they will re-read that over and over and expect you to live up to it and they may hold your words up to you in the future.
I didn't make any announcements. After some time I mentioned it casually to different people in different ways but I didn't make an announcement. I just declined drinks. I'm a pretty cautious and private person when it comes to sensitive subjects.
Do what you think is best for you. It will work out regardless as long as you stay sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Uk
Posts: 164
Thank you . I think you are all right after thinking about it . I will tell people as they need to know, and I agree actions are louder than words. I have told my partner I’m going to quit , and made my apologies. I am going to throw out all the alcohol shortly .
not looking forward to facing people I embarrassed myself in front of last night tomorrow:-(
not looking forward to facing people I embarrassed myself in front of last night tomorrow:-(
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 388
I have had countless mornings like yours. I drank most days. Often between two and eight drinks a night. But sometimes, usually on a Friday, I would get blackout drunk and say and do reprehensible things. I would wake up feeling aweful, full or shame and regret. I would say the same thing every time, I can't get "that drunk." I need to "take it easy." Then I would go a few weeks drinking between 2 and 8 drinks a night and I would think "see I can moderate." Then inevitably I would have 15 to 20 drinks, blackout, and repeat the cycle. I did this for about 15 years. Then one day, 6 months ago I woke up and just like you, said I'm done for good.
You say you dont know if you are an alcoholic. The term certainly is subjective. I never considered myself alcoholic. I never had physical withdrawal symptoms so how could I be an alcoholic? I always considered myself a problem drinker. It was indisputable that alcohol caused my life problems. Looking back, it is pretty ridiculous that this was my excuse to keep drinking.
I know it's a cliche but my best advise is one day at a time right now. Even one moment at a time. I remember on day two of being sober, I decided to take my kids minigolfing, rather than watch football, to take my mind off drinking. We went to a new course. When we got there, I saw that they sold beer. They even had my favorite craft beer in a tall boy can. Normally I would have been thrilled. Instead, I had a conundrum, do I just go back to drinking, or skip it and really do this sobriety thing. I skipped it and felt so much better for doing so.
on a side note, since quitting I feel so much better mentally. I thought I was getting mild to moderate depression. My overall outlook on life was pretty low. I was not suicidal but I did not see much of a point to life other than my kids. As it turns out, drinking 2 to 8 drinks a night is not moderating. I was drinking heavily without even knowing it, blackout nights aside. Now that I stopped drinking my whole outlook on life has dramatically improved.
You say you dont know if you are an alcoholic. The term certainly is subjective. I never considered myself alcoholic. I never had physical withdrawal symptoms so how could I be an alcoholic? I always considered myself a problem drinker. It was indisputable that alcohol caused my life problems. Looking back, it is pretty ridiculous that this was my excuse to keep drinking.
I know it's a cliche but my best advise is one day at a time right now. Even one moment at a time. I remember on day two of being sober, I decided to take my kids minigolfing, rather than watch football, to take my mind off drinking. We went to a new course. When we got there, I saw that they sold beer. They even had my favorite craft beer in a tall boy can. Normally I would have been thrilled. Instead, I had a conundrum, do I just go back to drinking, or skip it and really do this sobriety thing. I skipped it and felt so much better for doing so.
on a side note, since quitting I feel so much better mentally. I thought I was getting mild to moderate depression. My overall outlook on life was pretty low. I was not suicidal but I did not see much of a point to life other than my kids. As it turns out, drinking 2 to 8 drinks a night is not moderating. I was drinking heavily without even knowing it, blackout nights aside. Now that I stopped drinking my whole outlook on life has dramatically improved.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by Benjamin123
Thank you . I think you are all right after thinking about it . I will tell people as they need to know, and I agree actions are louder than words. I have told my partner I’m going to quit , and made my apologies. I am going to throw out all the alcohol shortly .
not looking forward to facing people I embarrassed myself in front of last night tomorrow:-(
not looking forward to facing people I embarrassed myself in front of last night tomorrow:-(
Just do the right thing and people are usually willing to forgive. If they're not, well - nothing you can do about that. If you do the right thing that's all you can do.
One day at a time.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,718
This is only the beginning. Have you considered the 12-Steps? There is a thread you may want to read. It it is a great structured path that keeps you focused. Can't hurt to educated yourself about it. Use the Site Search at the top.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
You know you can guarantee that you will never again have to face this particular embarrassment ever again.
Nothing sucks forever, unless you let it.
Pour out everything you have left , don't ever drink Now, you are not drinking right Now this very second and it is entirely do-able. It is possible to always not drink Now. It will always be possible and preferable, it's actually always Now , yeah ?
Forever doesn't happen all at once , all the Nows add up to forever, Now is totally do-able, you got this. rootin for ya
Nothing sucks forever, unless you let it.
Pour out everything you have left , don't ever drink Now, you are not drinking right Now this very second and it is entirely do-able. It is possible to always not drink Now. It will always be possible and preferable, it's actually always Now , yeah ?
Forever doesn't happen all at once , all the Nows add up to forever, Now is totally do-able, you got this. rootin for ya
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