Dandelion12

No drinking, no benzos - dont even want any.

I have no interest in ANYTHING.

Im just in bed resting.

Is this normal? Is it depression? I dont even know anymore.

I think Im just done with life. Not too much I care about except keeping myself safe and not compounding the misery Im already experiencing.

Thanks to everone for being here. It gives me some comfort to not feel alone.

Polaroid

Sounds like PAWS to me.

I'm very familiar with it, but I never let my sobriety last long enough to make it better.

Gottalife

Hi Dandelion, I am sorry to hear of your situation. I don't know how long you have been sober or what action you are taking to recover, but what you describe sounds like an experience I had.

Without ruling out any medical problems/solutions I found myself in a similar spot. It sort of confirmed or completed my experience of alcoholism. There was only misery in all directions. The misery of drinking, or the misery of not drinking. I sunk into the pits of despair after a 10 week treatment. I started out optimistically enough, I enjoyed the treatment, in fact I did not want to leave, but I coud not handle life.

I became progressively worse and in the end could not get out of bed. A nurse, in his report, described my living conditions as "absolute squalor". That was me at about 5 months dry. They thought it was depression. I don't believe it was. For one thing, a drink relieved it instantly, though temporarily. As alcohol is a depressant, it should have made it worse. What I think I was suffering from was the internal spiritual malady of alcoholism. I saw it described quite well in this passage:

" We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people."

After another year of drinking and misery, I found a solution. It was painful, required work, but it was a lot less painful than the path I was on. I managed to find a permanent and contented sobriety, and misery was consigned to the past.

Anna

Dandelion, at some point you might want to think about talking to your doctor. It could be that you are depressed.

trailmix

While this may not seem like doing much right now, it's still important so at least give yourself some credit for this. Taking care of yourself. Remember to drink water and eat well (or at least eat something) regularly.

Keep on keeping on but I absolutely would recommend that you talk to your doctor about the possibility of depression. It's real and even if it is only circumstantial or temporary there are good solutions out there. Why not take some help, you deserve it.

Dee74

Like I said in a previous thread withdrawing from alcohol or benzoes is rough - both together is hardcore stuff.

I hope you'll see someone soon Dandelion?

D

PhoenixJ

see doc

Zevin

Yes, see a Dr. and remember....you WILL get better.

kinzoku

Pretty much how I feel when I'm sobering up. So I think it is normal.

Dandelion12

I cant take anymore Drs and forms. Aside from that Im concerned about even mentioning alcohol because it will go on my permanent record and I risk losing insurance.

I just wanted off he constant rollercoaster of switching one substance for another.

Im exhausted from it.

As has been mentioned on some other threads, the doctors and our healthcare system here are less than compassionate many times

Its rest and prayer for me now.

Thanks everyone. Reading here keeps my mind focused on the right things.

I appreciate it.

Dee74

Have to be honest - I'm sorry you're choosing the no help option but thats your choice.

The reason I keep suggesting it is alcohol withdrawal is slow enough but benzo withdrawal can be really protracted....

Hope you feel better soon Dandelion

D

Dandelion12

Thanks Dee

I just need some rest.

Tetrax

I'm sorry but screw your doctor. It shouldn't be about switching from one substance to another. You shouldn't be prescribed benzos and you shouldn't drink. Have you been offered an SSRI? Have you ever tried them? I'm not necessarily recommending them (forum rules and all) but I do feel you should have a doctor with whom you can discuss them...